Question:
My husband and I met in high school. We were both virgins. We dated 5 months before we were intimate. We broke up for about 6 months and I had one other sexual partner. He did not. Back then, "pulling out" was my only concern as I didn't want to get pregnant. So I never practiced safe sex at all. My only other sexual partner claims to have only been with one other girl who was a virgin. There's no reason for me to disbelieve that. We were SO young. My husband and I got back together after being apart for 6 months and married 5 years later. We've been married 13 years. I found out less than a month ago that he has been having an affair for about 4 months. So I went immediately to get fully tested. My results came back positive for herpes 2. I immediately was certain it came from the other woman. But my husband had to play devil's advocate and say I could have gotten it from my only other previous partner. Before I went for testing, my husband was certain that I wouldn't have any STDs b/c he says the other woman gives blood all the time. Are people tested for herpes when they donate blood regurlarly? If that's the case and it didn't come from her, that makes me feel strangely better about the whole situation. If I got it from my husband's cold sore, that could possibly explain the mildness of it all these years, correct? And I know the cold sores were out of his control so that eases the anxiety somewhat too. And I know it's very, very wrong of me - but the resentment I have for the other woman makes me wish that if she didn't have it before, I hope she has it now. If she laid down with a dog, she ought to expect to get fleas.

My husband has an appointment to be tested next week. He told the other woman. The affair is over and we are working to heal our life together. I'm in therapy and plan to discuss the herpes diagnosis with my counselor at my next appointment. I just got my letter in the mail today and my family Dr. says there's a test she can do to tell whether the herpes infection is recent or not. So that looks promising to my peace of mind.

After reading about herpes for days on end now, I think it is possible that I may have had this for many, many years. Delilah, your posts helped me not to feel so bad b/c I think it's very likely my husband gave this to me from his cold sores, which he's had all his life. I've never had any genital blistering or sores. I've never had a cold sore. But many times over the years I've gotten tiny 1/4 inch cuts at the very top of my vagina and on my perineum. I always attributed it to rough sex or not enough lubrication. Or I would very frequently notice the cuts after my period so I thought it could be just aggravation from being wet down there for a week. I'm not a tampon wearer. But I'm wondering now if wearing tampons would help? If indeed, the wetness is a factor or if it's just the hormonal thing that triggers outbreaks and pads/tampons would have no bearing? The cuts I've had never responded to any type cream or ointment though. They would always just come and go. I've had 4 diagnosed "yeast infections" in my life that looking back now, could have been outbreaks. The first one was long ago - (before kids, so at least 6 years ago) at a routine annual exam. I had no clue. The Dr. inserted the speculum and said, "Oh my, you have a yeast infection." At the time I was mortified. And kept repeatedly asking, "How can I have a yeast infection and not know it?" If only I had a clue that I could have so much more and not be aware of it. The statistics are unbelievable. I mean this is an epidemic. An outrage. Why are there not more public service announcements regarding herpes? I walked around like a zombie for an entire day like my life was completely over. The stigma is unreal especially considering the commanlity of herpes. My second yeast infection came after I had my gall blader out. It could have truly been a yeast ifection due to the heavy antibiotic use or it could have been an outbreak from the stress of surgery. The third one was after my second child was born, I had a very bad red itchy rash. My midwife only looked between my legs and said, "yep, it's yeast" and gave me a prescription. And the 4th time was back in March of this year. It was right after I coordianated a huge kids' consignment sale so I was very stressed. It could have been a yeast infection or could have been an outbreak caused from the stress. All of these are unaswerable questions of course.

I think I am having an outbreak now on my ring finger. Ironic that it would occur under my wedding ring considering what that ring supposedly symbolizes. Ah, but that's my bitterness over the affair coming out. Anyway, it's a tiny red raised rash, less than the size of a dime and there's one tiny yellow blister the size of a pin head. Sound familiar?

My husband has never shown any signs of any outbreaks on his penis. His cold sores are very infrequent. Maybe 6 or 8 if that many in all the years we've been together. (18 years now) I've never had anything like this rash on my finger but needless to say, I am stressed beyond belief at the moment and have been for a month now.

I've told my husband that mouth kisses must now and forever more be off limits with our girls. They're 1, 3 and 5) And our middle daughter loves to kiss boo boos to make them better so we have to stop that too. Is there any reason I need to disclose my herpes diagnosis to their pediatrician? Any other concerns for their well being? I've always been super diligent about hand washing so maybe that's been helpful.

Any other practical suggestions, I'd be grateful to hear. It's been good to share.

Marina

Answer:
sorry to hear about your situation. However, you say you tested positive for hsv-2 and think you got it from your husbands cold sores. As far as I know, cold sores are almost always hsv-1, so this seems unlikely unless your husband has hsv-2 orally.

Answer:
Thanks for responding Steve. Actually I had a follow up visit because my blood sugar levels were elevated and they also took blood to do the HerpeSelect test. The Dr. I spoke with over the phone after my initial testing 'assumed' it was HSV2 since the vaginal swab was positive for herpes. So we don't actually know the type yet. Hopefully I will have results Tuesday and my husband is getting tested this week as well. She said she could test my blood for antibodies and if there were antibodies it would indicate I've had the infection for a while but if only the virus is present and no antibodies, then that would mean it was a recent infection (within months). That information would be helpful to my peace of mind because the sexual part of my husband's affair has been going on about 4 months.

I also had her look at the rash on my finger and she said it was only contact dermatitis. I was just being paranoid. I had been pulling weeds earlier in the week and something just got under my ring and aggravated my finger.

I'm reading the book 'Codependent No More' by Melody Beattie and I am learning I am SO overwhelmingly codependent. It's a very easy read too if any of you have access to a copy. You'll know instantly if it applies to you or not. It has helped me to let go of a lot of my issues.

On another note, I went to my herb shop to get something for depression. I think the fact that no one was responding to me added to my sense of gloom. Not intending to lay any guilt there though. So thank you again Steve!! =) I am having excellent results with Deva Flower Remedies. It's a liquid and you place 3 drops under your tongue. They have many formulas for all types of emotional distress. I'm using the 'despair and hopelessness' formula. And the other is herbal capsules called Mood Elevator. The brand is Nature's Sunshine.

And a final suggestion that if any of you are feeling total despair and hopelessness, go visit the depression message boards. You'll realize how good you have it. God bless some of those people.

Marina

Answer:
Just heard back from my Doctor today. My HerpeSelect blood test was negative for both types of herpes. Odd indeed. She said to come back and retest in 2-3 months. I asked if there were antibodies present and she said there was no mention of antibodies in the lab results. WTH? That's what she said the test would tell me. Very exasperating!

Marina

Answer:
Since your culture was positive and your blood test was negative, it is likely that you have a new infection. It can take up to 4 months for antibodies to show up in your blood. It is possible to get a culture test typed to find out if you have type 1 or type 2.

I know it seems like the end of the world now, but trust me when I say it will get better. When I first found out, I was completely devastated and felt like life was over. 8 months later, it barely affects me (and I am a single woman). I still date and do all the things that I used to do. The only difference now is that I am more cautious and honest with my potential partners. My advice to you is educate yourself as much as you can. Take care of your mind as well as your body. Herpes only affects you negatively as much as you let it. In a lot of ways, it has actually made me a better person - stronger, healthier, more in tune with my body, more cautious, more aware, and more educated about STDs.

Hang in there.

Answer:
well, a general update.. my husband and i will be divorced in about 2 weeks. so while i am totally floored by the events in my life right now and in no way am i ready to date, in the back of my mind is still the thought that i will one day (hopefully) have another special someone in my life and i'm very terrified of having the herpes conversation with him. so i'll be off the board for a while to regroup my life and care for and love my kids, but i know i will be back when the need for this board comes up. and i know i'll need help with telling a potential new partner at some point down the road. thanks for the help. ~marina