Question:
ok, my story, ahh. here goes, i had herpes symptoms in early march, itching, sores, swollen glands, so i had a viral culture done, it came back negative.. well i still pretty much knew i had herpes from reading the symptoms what else could it be? well i started seeing a guy in early May, he had been a friend of mine for years, and it started getting serious, so i went and had the blood test done, it came back positive. so i told him from the beginning after having sex with him only once on a drunken night, which he initiated. i told him that i would understand him walking away from me at that time, and he didn't , said "it could happen to anyone" "blah, blah, blah" basically he was "OK" with it, most times we used protection, some times we didn't, that was his decision. well the first few months were great, i had never been happier!! then things started going wrong, he turned out to be a really jealous type, and he kept thinking i was cheating on him, yeah ME the one that was truthful from the beginning, and was always home. So, one day he came to me and wants to get a blood test done to make sure he's alright, well a few days go by, he gets the results and tells me they are negative, he still stays with me, and we still had sex, although the few times we did after that were protected, then about a week later i found out he was cheating on me, and also the day after that i saw him out and he choked me up and then came to my house and beat the hell out of me. ok. thats not the end tho i thought it was, because i haven't talked to him in over two weeks, i know that he told my older brother my problem,,,why i don't know, maybe to make himself look better for us breaking up, but as ive started getting over this breakup, i get a phone call yesterday some girl, i don't know the voice, but she says "is this ********?" im like "yeah", then she says "i know this ain't the bitch with herpes"!!! then hangs up on me, so yeah i cried, i don't understand why he's trying to hurt me, why he's telling people, what his motive is...all i know is I told him what was wrong with me, i gave him the chance to make a decision that i didn't get...and it backfires in my face....i thought i did the right thing, i know i did the right thing, so why do i feel like shit now,[/list]
"Success is the best revenge"

Answer:
Hi there,
I'm new to this site and just read your story and really feel for you. The guy is an ignorant fool and you should be glad to be rid of him. You were honest with him, which I believe is the right thing to do. I went through a similar situation - although the guy didn't beat me up, he tried to break my door down but luckily didn't manage to. He also told everyone about me and everyone knew, but I just held my head up high and ignored it. All I can do to help is to suggest you forget this chap and get on with your life. Hope this helps.
Ruth x

Answer:
Thanks Ruth X, i am holding my head up high, ive just started going back to school, im still doing the things i use to do. Although i'm not sure why he's trying to hurt me, i know that if i let him see it getting to me, it will make him happy, So, for myself im gonna keep going and keep my head up high and succeed in this life no matter what, because i know that when the right person for me comes along this "H thing" won't matter, it doesn't break me as a person. Shit happens all the time. and ya know, im not sure if H is really the reason our relationship ended, i don't think it is, he just never had any trust in me, but as i look back on it, tho im deeply saddend, i know us breaking up was the best thing for me, 1 point being he showed his true colors when he beat me up, i don't want a man that would ever want to put his hands on me, also he's running around telling people personal stuff about me, basically that's not a good person in my book, and i know if it was the other way around, i would never have done that to him. Life goes on this is just another hurdle.... sheeshhhh

"Success is the best revenge"

Answer:
Hi again
I am supposed to be going into the shower and getting ready to go out, but as usual, I'm doing something else!!!!! Glad you're going to hold your head up high and keep going, that's the best thing to do. By the way, I've had herpes for just around 22 years now!!! I am English but live in Germany - met my German husband whilst on holiday in Italy - and have been married for 9 years, with 2 children, Ryan is 4 years old and Hannah will be 7 in October. I was nearly 40 when I got married, had Hannah when I was 42 and Ryan when I was 44. Why am I telling you this? Because you're probably at the stage where you think Herpes is a terrible thing to have. Well, I think it is rotten just because of how it makes me feel, tired, depressed, irritable and sometimes quite uncomfortable. HOWEVER, I have learned to live with it and DO NOT think I am a terrible person for having it. I was unlucky to get it, just like you. We are NOT bad people. But looking at the positive side, I told my husband straight away about it and he was totally ok - because he loved me and respected me. I did wait a VERY long time to meet the right man for me but it has worked out great for me.

A couple of weeks before I get herpes, I get really tired and sleep a lot of the time. I also get it very often, suppose my life must be too stressful!! As my whole family know about herpes, they understand. I don't keep it a deep and dark secret. My whole family knows and are very supportive. I don't mean that I go around shouting about it, but those people who I know quie well sometimes wonder why I feel like I do, so I tell them about herpes and explain all about it. You know, most people don't even know what it is, they have just heard the word and that's it.

So please don't feel bad about yourself, it really is just bad luck and I sympathise with you for having had the bad luck to catch it. Maybe you'll be lucky and not get occurences very often. And by the way, before I met my husband I did tell boyfriends about it and as far as I know, no-one has caught it. My husband is also fine, what we do is abstain from sex and touching when I have an outbreak and I just wait until I feel I am ready again.

Well, sorry if I've gone on a bit, but just wanted you to know a few things about me as a long-time sufferer. So, enjoy the rest of the weekend, bye for now,
Ruth :lol:

Answer:
I think I will sound judgmental but maybe its warranted so here's my 2 cents.

This is absolutely, completely, 100% no-doubt not about why somebody is or is not trying to hurt you. This is about the kind of males you open your body up to be with: no man with any class would act this way, and he gave you perfect evidence that he didnt have any class when he didnt express concern about his own health. Why would you agree to have sex with somebody who, apparently doesnt even take his own health seriously? After finding out you had herpes he wasn't concerned. Did his last partner have HIV and was he also not concerned with her? THAT was the red flag. He didn't have any personal honor, so he sure couldn't honor you.

And all of the blood pretty much left my head on the "beating" part. You don't need a man to beat you up to "reveal" he is violent. It's very, very easy to identify a violent man far before that. There isn't the slightest possibility in this lifetime that any man in whose presence I volunteered to be, would ever even get the opportunity to hit me. It's not even inside my world. And for those women who find themselves in such a situation, I can only say, I would have multiple orgasms going to the gun dealer and selecting the gun that I would buy, take shooting lessons with, and get a permit to carry (or not if it took too long to process) to blow any male into the hereafter who ever looked like he was about to hit me. MULTIPLE orgasms. That's all I can offer.

Answer:
computer glitch--double post

Answer:
Hi
Yes, you do sound very judgemental and feel I need to comment. It is NOT possible to recognise a violent man before he commits a violent act on you. This is a fact from MY experience. They seem like the most normal of people and, WHAM, there it is - a violent act. Have you ever experienced domestic violence? There was absolutely no sign beforehand. Guns? Well, in England guns are illegal, not like in America, so that thought just didn't enter my little head. I went through the proper channels and went to the Police and took the legal action against him that I needed to, without having to resort to violence again. However, I like the sound of the multiple orgasms!

Second point is that I have been with my husband now for 15 years and I have had herpes for 22. So far, my husband has not caught herpes from me. This is only my humble opinion, but from my experience & in my opinion, I think the chance of passing it on WHEN NOT HAVING AN ATTACK is minimal.
Regards
Ruth

Answer:
Hi Ruthie,
Yes, you do sound very judgemental and feel I need to comment. It is NOT possible to recognise a violent man before he commits a violent act on you. Ruth I agree that I sound judgmental, but I also agree that females (people) are responsible for being judgmental if they are to live a quality life at all.

I disagree 100% that it is not possible to recognize a potentially violent man. I agree that it may be hard for some women, but it is absolutely possible for others--I and all the women in my family and social circle among them. In fact the women I know might be the ones beating him up, but definitely not the other way around.
They seem like the most normal of people and, WHAM, there it is - a violent act. Have you ever experienced domestic violence? There was absolutely no sign beforehand. Ruth Violent men are either insecure men (and it's extremely easy to identify an insecure man) or mentally ill (and it's generally easy to identify a crazy person). Men aren't that ingenius to not reveal such tendencies quite early--quite early means the first verbal conversation, not the first month of seeing him. It's there. Usually in every sentence he says--and the sentence does not have to have anything to do with violence at all. You just need to understand what the it is. There are women who do, and there are women who don't. He can tell you he is violent and have a big smile on his face while holding your hand walking through the park. This is hard to explain to women who do not find it easy, other than to say it feels like blinking your eyes---it's that automatic and natural. This is why some women go through repeat violence, and other women never encounter it their entire lives. It isn't "luck"; there is a real rationale to it.

And I'll tell you something else: I can also pick out women who would likely be found in an abusive relationship (so I think men can too).

Many women have a natural repulsion radar system that signals to all men that they cannot be controlled in this lifetime before those men even approach them--which is exactly why those men don't approach them. They only approach women who they can detect can be controlled since those are the only ones with whom they feel powerful.
I went through the proper channels and went to the Police and took the legal action against him that I needed to, without having to resort to violence again. Ruth Yes, but in the U.S., there are many women 6-feet under because they went through the "proper channels", when what would have saved them is a friend called their own personal gun. But it's a catch 22: women who would have complete comfort buying a gun and using it, are the same women who never need one because they don't get involved with violent men to begin with. (You have me thinking of this recent case where a battered wife drove to the police station while her angry husband followed her and once there he shot her dead right in the police precinct parking lot. The "proper channels" are frequently not enough.)
I didn't mean to preach a sermon...

Answer:
Whatever I say, we will never agree with one another. So let's leave it right here and agree to disagree with one another.
Bye for now,
Ruth