Question:
I met the man who I thought would be the love of my life at church. I was very quickly smitten with him as he was not only very personable and upbeat, but he also was spiritually minded and deep. He was one of the few men I ever met in life that could express emotion, and that in and of itself wes so refreshing and freeing. We became sexually active with one another. It was great.. like two soulds combining in such a loving act. Our hearts, bodies, minds and souls connected. It was nirvana. After years of struggling in relationships to be understood, I felt with him it came naturally. It was like heaven on earth. We would play together during the day, and pray together at night. I was floating on air. .. until Thanksgiving.
I invited him to my parents home for Thanksgiving. It was a nice night. We all got along quite well and enjoyed each others company. I kept looking at him all night with love in my heart. I could not wait to celebrate that night. I could not wait to make love to him. As soon as things settled down for the night, I began kissing him so passionately, and with so much ferver.. we made love. He seemed distracted that night. I kept asking him what was on his mind. Finally he mentioned that he had herpes and may have had an outbreak that night. I was crushed.
I had been dating him for almost a year. We had talked about "everything". How could he have kept this from me. Did he not believe that I would love him anyway. Did he not want to give me the choice to protect myself? Did he not love and respect me that way he said he did? How could this happen? I met him at church? How could God let this happen?
We made love on Thursday, by Sunday I had a full blown outbreak. Temp of 102. Burning. Itching. I was miserable. I could barely even stand up without feeling like I was going to pass out. I continued to go to work. No-one coujld know the pain I was in. Every minute that I wasn't at work I was crying. I began to contemplate suicide. I began to dout the exisitence of God. How could a loving god allow such a terrible disease to exist. I lit candles and prayed and prayed for a cure.
The pain and hurt I was in, combined with lack of support led to my break up with "Mr. Right". I still stuggle to this day with the ability to trust anyone including God. I put on a smiley face for the world, but inside I feel empty and incomplete. Some of the people in my life who know are supportive, others have shunned me. My brother's girlfriend has even gone so far as to tell my brother taht she would not want me to touch her children for fear of spreading the diseaese. This has hurt me much more than I would ever let her know.
I have moved on with my life. I still go to church but not as often due to my stuggles, and I still question how a loving God could allow such things to exist, especially when one tries to maintain a pure heart and a good life. I have a new boyfriend, and the H is not an issue for him, and
I work and do my hobbies, and try to get as much juy from my life as I can. In the back of my mind though, in my heart of hearts, I want this virus to be gone. I want to feel clean and pure again. I want to feel free.

Answer:
When i found out that i had H, i spent the entire couple of days crying. i did not go anywhere, i did not do anything, and i did not see anyone. i was ashamed,mad, frustated, and lonely like no one would understand. the hard part is i dont really know who i got it from b/c when i got my first OB i was not sexually active with anyone. i wondered then how long i have had it and did not know. i told one person who i had been with that i have been tested for H and he seemed fine. when the test came out positive, not only was i shocked and upset, but the one person that i could tell anything too, stopped talking to me. that made it worse. to this day, i don't know who gave it to me, but i am too scared to tell the people for the fear that they will block me out of their life too..

betty4