Question:
Hello all,
I'm 45 and never figured I'd be here but here I am...My story is rather bizarre in a way. I have almost always practiced safe since my 20's...I contracted HSV1 (genital) from a girlfriend 12 years ago...guess I caught the early stages of a cold sore during oral sex, as she is free of any genital herpes to this day. I had my first outbreak and went to the clinic here in Prague immediatley...unbelievably the doctor said it was nothing to be concerend about, just some kind of rash...what a quack!!...so I didnt investigate any further...my next outbreak ocurred about five years later...my relationship with my previous partner whom I contracted it from had ended some time ago and I had just started a new relationship...again I went to the doctor at a different clinic and asked about STDs and she said its likely some kind of insect or spider bite and gave me a topical anti-biotic...my third outbreak was maybe three years later and this time I suspected someting was up. I had no real knowlege of herpes so I just did some research on the net and came to my own obvious conclusions...I've since been tested for HSV1. Unfathomable that to medical professionals could miss such obvious physical symptoms. Anyway i continued in this relationship and my partner was very understanding and we never let it get in the way of our sex life...in fact it was her choice after some time to not use condoms over the years and in 7 years nothing was passed on...I probably had four outbreaks in those 7 years.

Now comes the twist of fate...it seems like after 7 years we are going our own ways...personally I think we will be back together but only time will tell. Its an odd feeling because, even though I have officially known I have had H for 4 years now, in many ways I havent really had to deal with it. Since I was in a (then) stable relationship with a partner who wasnt the least bit alarmed by my having H, I didnt think or worry about the scenario of being out there in the world again and having to disclose this to any potential sexual or relationship partner...I have to admit that its not a particularly pleasant prospect...I know from my research how common H actually is and that theres a good chance the person I may be dreading breaking the news to may well be dreading the same thing. I also know from my experience with a wonderful and understanding woman that its not the end...but now that that relationship is gone (for now) it does kind of feel like the end of a normal sexlife or sex as I know it....sorry for being frank here but it does seem like the end of sex without a condom, or receiving oral sex unless I find my self in another long term relationship with a woman like the one I was with that in time would by her own choice feel comfortable with engaging in that. Of course I would (as I always have) use a condom for casual sex , but in a potential long term loving relationship relationship (which I hope to experience again, it just seems the whole spontanious aspect of a sexlife gets squashed by always having to pull out the condom whereever and whenever things get hot and heavy. I can at least count myself fortunate that my outbreaks are so rare as to not even be a serious managment issue...once a year at the very most, and not very severe at that...perhaps my life style and diet helps since I'm vegetarian, I practice yoga daily, and dont let stress rule my life. I'm living proof there is life with herpes because I lived it...but I admit that I'm scared about what the future holds with my new life unfolding...it makes this seperation that much more painful...and scary.

Answer:
I can relate to your thoughts on the subject. I will be 50 soon, was married for 18 years and hardly had sex. Like not once in the last 8 years of our marriage. Divorced for 6 years with hardly any sex. So, now I start to date and was 'fingered' with herpes on a first date, standing up in a parking lot. No sex involved, just a sexual assault of an infected finger. Deliberate. I also had blood clots this past year, so cannot be on birth control. I am looking at a ticking sex time clock. I am a good looking woman who sees another 10 potential years of sex left. I'm not willing to give that up. Been waiting 25 years to have a good sex life. And now this? God has a non funny sense of humor sometimes. Hope it's so I finally get to meet my match in life, otherwise I can't imagine why this happened to me. So, life goes on, challenges arise, and we all must cope. And help each other through it. That's why we are on this earth I think. So, have a great day today and a better one tomorrow, no matter what our health and love lives bring our way next.