Question:
Well, this isn't going to be very long...after all, it's quite a simple story. I'm in my mid 20's, college graduate, working and busy with life in general. What really bothers me about having herpes (besides the obvious discomfort) is that I'm actually a virgin. That's right, have not had vaginal penetration with anyone...I know it's sort of hard to believe. :)

So, I found out about a month ago that I have herpes, apparently from receiving oral or just rubbing. For like a week I was really devastated. I felt dirty and ashamed, and still don't have the heart to tell anyone in my family.

What makes me additionally sad is that the guy who gave it to me did not believe that I was a virgin, nor believes that he was the one who gave it to me (since he "was tested and it was negative").

I don't know, I realize this isn't that sad of a story at all, it's just bothering me today. I was not educated about herpes, and I always asked guys (all 3 of them who have had contact with that area) if they had anything.

I just feel bummed that I thought I was saving myself for someone really special, and now, who would really believe me at all? Thanks for the venting...

Answer:
Hi there! I am so sorry you have contracted this virus. I am sure it must have been a total shock to you, especially because you are a virgin.

It is absolutely possible to contract herpes from oral sex. If you were with ANYONE who had coldsores they could have easily transmitted it to you "down there". The sad fact is that many folks live under the delusion that "coldsores and fever blisters" are NOT herpes. THEY ARE. I wish they would teach this shit in school to teens...because they don't and so many people are just so misinformed (then there are a big chunk of people who are in denial)

Have you had testing to see if it was hsv1 or 2? If it is hsv1 it is the typical oral herpes (coldsores) which about 80% of the population here in the US have. Also talk to any recent partners you have had and in a casual way ask "hey do you get coldsores"? Therein may lie some of your answers for you.

as for the asswipe who thinks virgins can not get this shit, he needs to take a basic HEALTH class or something. What a delusionoid. :x People like this are SO annoying. How dare he question your status as a virgin. Maybe hand him a sex ed manual or something.

If you have HSV2, that can also come from Oral sex (if someone has it on their mouth..rare but possible....) more likely they have herpes whitlow....(herpes of the fingertips/hands) and that is how it was passed. But one of these blokes have some form of herpes.

So talk to the lads again, and in the meantime, find out which herpes strain you have.

You are not a bad girl, a dirty girl, and I commend you for waiting so long to have sex with the right guy. Whoever you DO have sexual intercourse with one day is still going to find that to be a valuable gift that you saved for him and appreciate it, despite your status.

Good luck to you and let us know what happens. I hope you feel better.

Answer:
After reading what you had to say i felt like i was in the same situation as you..im a senior in high school and i have never had sex as well..but low and behold i have H. i think its crazy everytime i hear it.

like you i was waiting for that one guy and now its like who will want to be with me..its like i feel like i never going to have that moment.

i havent been able to talk to anyone about it and thats why im here. things get better i do know that and i have faith we'll find someone! if you ever wanna talk just let me know!

Answer:
What makes me additionally sad is that the guy who gave it to me did not believe that I was a virgin, nor believes that he was the one who gave it to me (since he "was tested and it was negative"). ... We can all claim we were tested and found negative. Did he show you any test results? Talk is cheap.
I always asked guys (all 3 of them who have had contact with that area) if they had anything. Asking a guy something doesn't even matter. Never rely on a male to tell you the truth about their sexual health status. Ever. Talk is cheap. Medical records are real.
I just feel bummed that I thought I was saving myself for someone really special, and now, who would really believe me at all?. Virginity is a wonderful thing but I don't see it as saving yourself for anyone other than yourself--yourself under the right circumstances with the person worth being with. Your body is not some gift that belongs to some man in the future. You don't have to "prove" anything to him or anybody else. If he's a person worth being in your life, let alone touching you, and if he's not a moron and can understand basic science, he should believe you at your word. He's not entitled to some grand explanation. Hell, will he be a virgin? Where will his proof be? Your body is yours right now, not somebody else's in the future, and virginity is about knowing that having sex is not (for some of us) a trivial matter but is only valuable when engaged in in a certain context. Conscious/planned virginity is a pact you make with yourself, not with someone out in the future you dont even know yet. A reasonably knowledgable man will know the statistic that 1 in 3 females in college has been sexually assaulted by the age of 18. Many of them were virgins. Are they responsible for explaining to the nth degree to every single male they date why they may have an STD? Males have to understand what the female life experience is called to endure while they stand and "judge". That's my opinion.

Answer:
The old double edge sword right!!?!? Makes me nuts!

Example: A man can have two teenage children. Boy and girl. The boy goes out and screws around, pops his "cherry" and the man is all proud..."why, that is my BOY...."

The daughter does the same thing....SHE is a slut. "Oh my daughter is a whore a loser...blah blah blah".

You see alot of this attitude in certain cultures, especially where the CHURCH is involved. It is ok for the menfolk to not be virgins when wed and to screw around and then to have mistresses later in life...but god forbid if the little lady does the same.

I agree, save your virginity for a man truly worthy of YOU and who YOU want to be with for the first time. Make sure it is special for you, and someone of YOUR choosing. And that he will appreciate it for the rarity and specialness of some gift. Not so he can wield judgement over you.

I sure hope you do not have herpes. Good luck and lets us know what happens.

Answer:
[quote="tohealth"] Never rely on a male to tell you the truth about their sexual health status.

On a male or a female, please.

Answer:
[quote="dangermouse"] Never rely on a male to tell you the truth about their sexual health status.

On a male or a female, please. That's true. My perspective is feminine. We just seem to have a greater burden in this sense; men are always trying to talk us out of our panties, from the time we're 3 until we die basically, not the other way around. We're on the side of the gender line that gets told (as I have in my life):

• At age 10 by boy aged 13: "You better have sex with me now because the longer you wait the more it will hurt."
  At age 6 by man aged 35: "It's ok. You're too young to get pregnant."
  At age 12: "If you don't let a guy have sex with you, it really hurts and we get blue balls."
  At age 15 by man aged 60 while standing in line waiting to speak to the concierge of a nice hotel: "I know what I'm doing see; I won't get you pregnant."
  At age 19 by my married-with-4-kids 41 year old dentist during a dental exam: "Why don't you just let me lick that lipstick off of you...Help me celebrate my birthday--I'm older but better."

Males have a a whole social literature of lying/manipulating/denying and they develop it starting with their ability to talk out loud...so yes, throw in HSV and the lying/denial/manipulation has a well oiled track to slide right onto. That's what I meant on a deeper level. But surely females can lie too.

Answer:
absolutely there are women who are utterly dishonest and lie about their status. Look at the one bloke who posted here (it is somewhere, I would have to find it...fairly recent post) his girlfriend of 8 months NEVER EVER TOLD HIM SHE HAS HERPES. Waited to disclose it to him AFTER they had been together a while, he fell for her, THEN she told him as a happenstance to a direct question. Sorry, I would be PISSED and she would find my boot lodged way up her ass.

As I can understand a persons fear for telling due to rejection, that doesn't excuse someone from telling. Man or woman.

But I have to agree that there are more men in the world who do tend to be more predatory than woman. And I think that so many men tend to be in denial more than women when it comes to STDS. Maybe because from the time we are very young ladies we are subjected to pap smears (embarrassing when you are 13/14 years old!) as well as other indignities that are neccesary. We tend to be a bit more in tune with our bodies for the simple fact we have to be very intimate with our vaginas due to having menses. So I find women to be more adept at figuring out they have a STD and dealing with it, than men do. (I speak as someone who use to work as a counselor at planned parenthood. The men handled their confirmation SO poorly compared to women...told me I was lying to them, denied it even though the test was there in front of their face saying yes, you do have.......insert friendly std here........) women were a bit more realistic, they would cry, be more emotional, the men would be angry or in denial altoghter.

how each of these people DEALT with their STD once they left is hard to say. I can only go by what I saw in that office and what I see out of the PPH environ and what I see and hear now.

A jerk is a jerk. Male or female....if they are dishonest, then they are a crappy human being. Period.

Answer:
I have to agree that there are more men in the world who do tend to be more predatory than woman. And I think that so many men tend to be in denial more than women when it comes to STDS. Maybe because from the time we are very young ladies we are subjected to pap smears (embarrassing when you are 13/14 years old!) as well as other indignities that are neccesary. We tend to be a bit more in tune with our bodies for the simple fact we have to be very intimate with our vaginas due to having menses.. Oh we definitely have more constantly changing parts to keep track of...On the flip side, men see and touch their penises every day, and you might expect them to know exactly how every square inch looks at any given time. How many women have seen the inside of their vaginas or cervix or even come into direct full view of all labia daily--you do have to make an effort even while bathing. On the other hand women do seem to have a "grooming" eye for stuff and notice changes...It takes my father a month to notice that my mother has added another palm tree to their property. I just think for men denial on average seems to me more prevalent as a response under certain power-threatening circumstances--whether it's about Enron's accounting books or a war that isn't being won or yes, STDs. That's my nonscientific bartender-chat view...
(I speak as someone who use to work as a counselor at planned parenthood. The men handled their confirmation SO poorly compared to women...told me I was lying to them, denied it even though the test was there in front of their face . This is really interesting, ouch. I think it could say volumes about what the female population may be getting told by those same males when this topic comes up (statistically). In my case, the man tried to say I gave it to him, even though his medical records clearly showed he had been to the doctor complaining about it himself. That's like double denial plus some deflection/blame out of the sky thrown in to boot. I don't know any woman who confronted a man about an abnormality/diagnosis following sex where the man took responsibility of any kind. Not one.
A jerk is a jerk. Male or female....if they are dishonest, then they are a crappy human being. Period. So true.