Question:
This is the first time I've been to this site - it's so hard for me to force myself to even face the reality of having this disease. I know it's not the end of the world, and I really appreciate the courage of everyone who is supportive and positive on this site, but I feel like my value to another person has been destroyed. I have finally learned the true facts about genital herpes from the web - doctors in the past have been very vague. I was exposed to it by my husband 20 years ago, and have been absolutely blessed that I've never had an outbreak of sores since. I recall mild "abnormalities" rarely over these past years - hypersensitivity in my thigh once, unusual frontal headaches every year or so, and one episode of sudden dizziness / vertigo that lasted two days that I think was an episode of short-term neural inflammation from herpes, but that has been it over the course of 20 years.

I left the person I was married to many years ago, but what I am trying to come to terms with is the possibility of having infected the few people I've cared about in the years since. I've been completely asymptomatic over all these years, and I believed that if I was careful to make sure that I didn't have sexual contact with anyone during times that an outbreak was apparent, or during times when I felt anything "strange" physically, that I wouldn't transmit the disease. Of course, the concept of viral shedding is now well-known, but it's only fairly recent that information about this has been really stressed. I've put several people at risk.

No one I've ever been with has ever shown any signs of having contracted herpes, and I've kept in touch with those who were meaningful to me. But I am ashamed that I never told them - I thought that they were safe because I was asymptomatic and had been for years. I am about to call the last person that I was with - someone I spent three years with and whom I loved very much - to tell him the truth and what I now know about the possibility that I've infected him. He never had any symptoms the entire three years we were together, and I am praying he is o.k.

I really would like to hear from people about their experiences in long term relationships with unprotected sex, and how commonly partners have contracted the disease, or if it's fairly common that partners have continued to actually test negative, or experience no episodes of outbreak of infection.

Thanks alot.

Answer:
I really would like to hear from people about their experiences in long term relationships with unprotected sex, and how commonly partners have contracted the disease, or if it's fairly common that partners have continued to actually test negative, or experience no episodes of outbreak of infection. I think this is a very interesting topic, which comes up a lot in the issue of safe sex with herpes. Would anyone like to share their story? It would be good to have an open discussion about people's thoughts on this.

Answer:
I don`t understand how you could not tell someone you had herpes before you slept with them.My wife has herpes,She did`nt tell me until after I fell in love with her.The herpes does`nt bother me at all, the fact that she slept with me before telling me flors me...I look at her morals different.I`ve been with her about 4 yrs now,married 3.And I`m still clean.Please(This goes to everybody with herpes) If you ever start to have any kind of feelings for someone tell them.If they have true feeling for you they won`t care.

Answer:
I have been married twice since being infected. Once for 6 years and this time 16 years so far. Neither one has it. The reason - I am very careful. If I even think I may be getting it I avoid sex. If I have an outbreak I usually wait 3 weeks before I have sex. I don't even chance it until it is completely gone. Not a trace. I know what they say about viral shedding and that you can get it anytime, but I am not sure how much truth there is to it.
This is a really problematic disease. It creates all kinds of emotional, mental and physical distress. But if you have it you have to deal with it. Life goes on.

Answer:
Afraid to love wrote:

I really would like to hear from people about their experiences in long term relationships with unprotected sex, and how commonly partners have contracted the disease, or if it's fairly common that partners have continued to actually test negative, or experience no episodes of outbreak of infection.

Hi there,

My boyfriend contracted herpes from oral sex when he cheated on me over the summer. We've since worked things out with our relationship (it's a LONG story) and I stupidly figured that if he wasn't having an outbreak we wouldn't need to use condoms. I got it after the second time we were together unprotected. I just got it last week and am having a really hard time knowing that I *chose* this because I was so stupid.

In my case, it didn't take much for me to get it. And now I have it forever and I'm really having a hard time dealing with that.