Question:
I have been with my fiance for almost 3 and a half years now. Around the middle of August, I left him. I have been very unhappy and depressed for a long time. He is a great guy, firefightera and paramedic, never cheated, and loved me so much. We were planning our wedding and I was starting college and it all just seemed like I was drowning. Although I loved him, I felt like he was the cause of most of my stress instead of the comfort. Because of this our sex life hadn't been great...maybe once a month. He hated that and he was always trying to pressure me. I kept saying that I can't emotionally. Which was true. I was and still am very attracted to him, but my heart wouldn't allow me to do what my body wanted. Shortly after moving out (two weeks) I moved in with another man. Why... I don't know, I just did. I had only met him while I was still with my fiance and had no intentions (at that time) of being anything more than friends. He made me happy though. He put a smile on my face and said, I guess, all the right things. He was't perfect by any means, but I really liked him. He was a construction worker, twice divorced, has two kids by his second wife that he doesn't even think they are his and about 6 months ago got out of prison for drugs. I chose a real winner, huh? On top of all of that he is 28 and I am 22. I was so out of the norm. Never in my life had I ever done anything like this. I always followed the rules and have never had any regrets... Until him. He was so different and I think that is what attracted me to him, plus he had a great body, but then again so did my fiance. I don't know what I was thinking. Well everything was okay for a while. I was still depressed though because I was missing my fiance and regretting leaving him for this man. Then I went to the doctor for a procedure to check me for cancer. I had this appointment for 3 months and the new man knew about it, really didn't care much. When I went to the doctor, I took more with me than normal. I took a sore, just one. Herpes never even crossed my mind. I just thought it was a sore from my thong or something. I do wear tight clothes. It wasn't like a cluster, it was just one. Well, I came back from the doctor and told my new man that the doctor thinks it might be herpes and she did a culture. He kept telling me that can't be it because he doesn't have it and I knew my fiance couldn't have given it to me. I was so scared. The day I called my fiance and told him I wanted to come home, I confessed to him what I did. I told him I had sex with this man and that I might have herpes. He said he loved me anyway and we will get thru this. While we were in the middle of moving my furniture out of the house, I got the call from my doctor. She told me I had genital herpes. All I could do was cry and scream. My fiance was so upset. He cried too. It has been been 6 days now that I have been home and things are hard. I haven't seen that man again. I've left him several messages about my herpes and that he gave it to me, he should get tested, all the norm, but the asshole has actually blocked my # from his cell phone and my sisters. My sister is how I met him. My fiance and I went to counseling on Friday, but everything is so hard. Sometimes I just want to die. I feel like I am now a burden on society and something that should be extinguished. My fiance got blood tested this week and he is negative. He said he wished he was positive so that we could have it together instead of me bringing it home to him. He says he still loves me and he wants to be with me, but he isn't sure if he can get over what I did to him. I love him so much, but I don't want him to have to suffer because of a HUGE MISTAKE that I made. :cry: :oops: :x

Answer:
Hi Peaches.....

I am sorry you have contracted herpes. It sucks, but it is not the end of the world. I know right now it might seem that way, but it is something you can fight and you can live with.

I have genital herpes, and my man doesn't. We have been together over three years, had a child togetber (meaning we had sex without condoms a few times...ahem.... :wink: ) and he STILL doesn't have it! There are ways to prevent transmitting it to a loved one. Sure it might seem a hassle at times, but we make it into a fun game.


Honestly, it just takes a little extra precaution on your part to ensure you do not spread it. Condoms are not 100% foolproof, but they HELP. ( I love condoms, everyone thinks they are so horrible, I think they are great! )

While it would be awful to pass this onto a lover/fiancee...at the same time, he knows the score, you have been honest with him, and he knows of the risks chances. He sounds like a good guy, and I am glad that you are both getting counseling together. I am also concerned that you left him and went for a man who has some real issues. (drug charges, twice divorced with kids already at 28.....) I am hoping the counselor can help you work out that as well. That to me is a much bigger issues than the herpes....the herpes is merely a by product of that relationship. but I am GLAD you got away from that man. Unfortunately, there are many women out there who would not have had the strength to do so. Be proud of the fact that you were strong enough to get out of that relationship.

I noticed that you posted something about your fiancee saying he wishes he just had this to get it over with and not have to dance around the subject. I would say try your best NOT to pass it onto him. At least then, if he does contract it from you, you both did your best to prevent it, and hopefully that will alleviate any guilt feelings you might have. Learn how to recognize the signs of an impending outbreak, and then abstain from sex for a bit, see if it lead to an actual outbreak. (naturally, do not have sex DURING an outbreak...) You might also consider taking meds. This works for some people, and some it doesn't. Eat well, exercise, try taking lysine to help fight the herpes virus. There are all sorts of ways to keep this little bugger "in check".

But you are not dirty, you should not be "exterminated", you are not bad. You are still YOU. You made a mistake, you took a chance, you are a human being. We are all falliable. But don't let this stuff make you feel less than human, or womanly, or sexy. Like I said before, right now things seem horrible, and there will be up days and down days (I have them too, down days usually when an outbreak decides to show up!) but as time goes on, you will feel better about yourself and get a better handle on dealing with this virus. You are lucky in that you have a supportive mate as well, believe me, that helps out ALOT!

Take care of yourself, and stay strong. Good luck!
Ouch :D

Answer:
Peaches,

I too was just diagnosed and feel like I want to die sometimes. I was married for 9 years, seperate and spend the night with some guy who I have known for a few years, he is a freaking US Marshal so hey I think I can trust him right? Wrong! That is one freaking night I wish I could take back! I dont know what to do either, I wish I had my old life back, I know I made a big mistake telling my ex I wanted a divorce and I was going to try and get back together with him, but now no way. I cant to that to him.... I swear I totally screwed up my life!
I am totally depressed and feel ashamed and scared!
I am sorry about your situation too, but hey you have a great guy who cares about you and I am sure you can work it out with counseling if you are both willing.

Answer:
I feel like I am now a burden on society and something that should be extinguished. Peaches, first up, thanks for opening up and sharing your story. Second, I'm a member of society, and I don't think you're a burden and I certainly don't think you should be extinguished. A few years ago, I met and dated a wonderful woman who had herpes. Although we broke up eventually, I am desperately happy that we had the time together that we did. Her condition was something we dealt with. If I had never met her, I would have been the poorer for it.

Anyway, I think just posting here proves that you are CONTRIBUTING to society. I'm sure your comments, sad or happy, will strike a chord with many people here, and help them to live and love again. Some people spend their whole lives helping themselves. You're helping others.