Question:
Last March, at the age of 51, I was diagnosed with Herpes. My partner (fiance') insists that I contracted the virus because of a cold sore he had when he was a child. When I was diagnosed, we had been together for four years. Which makes me wonder why it didn't appear before. Has anyone else been told this far-fetched story by their partner? Needless to say, I am beyond angry because I did NOTHING to deserve this. I want, more than anything, to believe in him and what he says. If anyone knows the answer, please let me know. Thank you.

Answer:
Hi

I'm assuming you have type 1 then (!).

The bottom line is that you don't actually know who you got it off. I know it can lie dormant in the body for years (what I mean is that you wouldn't know you had it cos there's no symtoms/signs). I've heard of one example where it was FIFTEEN years - the woman had been celibate for all that time. Why does he think he gave it you? Has he had an outbreak while you've been together?

Answer:
u did nothing to deserve it.... by spredding ur legs to every person u have slept with> u right there deserved it. i really cant stand when people, BLAME BLAME BLAME the other person FOR their actions. did ur hubby rape u? cause if not then u openly let him have sex with u making this YOUR fault, you- did not protect your self. ------ on the other hand> if u did not know he had herpes, its partly his fault for not telling you to begin with.

but i think u guys have more issues w/ trust then you now having herpes.


an its completly possibly he had gotten it as a child, most babies get it from everyone kissing them.

Answer:
man, that was a little harsh, waxed. Noone "deserves" this crap. Should we all just never have human contact again??? Yea, we all 'opened our legs' at one time, didn't we, but we did it in trust.
He might have had it as a child, and yes it could lie dormant in him or in you for a long time. A lot of people have had type 1 and don't think its important enough to bring up because 'they haven't gotten a cold sore since they were a kid". But they don't realize that it is always there, lurking. They think it 'went away'.
I wouldn't be so mad at him though. He probably just is uneducated on it. If you have genital type 1, the breakouts shouldn't be so bad,from what I"ve read. You might get one or two breakouts, then it kind of stops. Its the type 2 thats the killer, so be glad its not THAT.
Just both go get tested to see what type(s) of HSV you have so you both know once and for all.

Answer:
yea it was cause- i felt that she thinks that some how she is better then the rest of us to not deserve herpes. like im sorry but no- u are just like the rest of us >
and i really do get annoyed when people blame other people, and dont see the actions that caused the results. it takes two people for u to get herpes.

Answer:
I agree there, NONE of us 'deserve' this and noone is better than anyone else in the long run, are they?
But I'm just sayin', she was in a four year relationship and then had a breakout all of a sudden. I can understand how she feels, cause I felt the same way when I was diagnosed, and still do. I wasn't 'promiscuous', got it during marriage from a pathological liar who continues to lie to this day. But thats another story.
It is not a 'promiscuous' disease persay. I was never a promiscuous person either. Even people, like me and her, in committed relationships, end up with this crap. No it isn't fair, but 'it is what it is'. Noone deserves this, but I'm just glad it wasn't AIDS that was brought home to me, I thank God every day for that. It seems people only educate themselves on this when they actually CONTRACT it. Hence, the crap is rampant with all its 'dormancy' etc. Then when you DO get it and educate yourself big time on it, then you don't want to tell any of your friends, etc, that you have it, then you can't educate THEM and others on it because you want to keep it to yourself.
I have tried to educate some younger girls at work about it in a roundabout way,,,,,,,by bringing up dating, STD's, etc. I never had to admit I had it, but I did teach them about it, so that felt good.
We can all try to educate people on it and maybe there will be one less person who contracts it.

Answer:
Well I can't stand "senior members" who think that since they've been here longer than others they can forget about helping people WHO ARE GOING THROUGH A PHASE YOU PROBABLY WENT THROUGH YOURSELF waxedwrong.

And stop typing in abbreviations - this isn't test messaging.

To answer the question originally asked (something some of you seem not to be concerned with), there is a way to test how probable this story is: get tested to see whether it's type 1 or type 2. If it's type 2, he's probably lying.

Answer:
Well I can't stand "senior members" who think that since they've been here longer than others they can forget about helping people WHO ARE GOING THROUGH A PHASE YOU PROBABLY WENT THROUGH YOURSELF waxedwrong.

And stop typing in abbreviations - this isn't test messaging.

To answer the question originally asked (something some of you seem not to be concerned with), there is a way to test how probable this story is: get tested to see whether it's type 1 or type 2. If it's type 2, he's probably lying. i have never not forgot to help someone whether i was a junior member, or a senior member, im usually one of the first people to offer advice > if u read the very first post i wrote> even though it is harsh it does state that it is possible the guy could have got it when he was younger> which was the concern of the op.

and im so sorry that u dont like reading abbreviations, but im not going to change the way i type for something that isnt formal. this is a open discussion/forum. not a job, not a graded paper.

exactly, i went through the phase, and i didnt blame any one but myself, because i knew that i got herpes, because i let my guard down ,what ever actions that caused me to get it> were dictated by me (thats why u can always say no), i took FULL responsibilty for my actions, and by doing that i dont blame, or make excuses for what i now have.

Answer:
Blame....that's a good one. Do I blame someone? Well I do if she knew she had it and gave it to him, and from what I can gather, yes, she did know she had it. It's a normal phase to go through.