Question:
I feel so stupid right now. So incredibly stupid and guilty. I actually got herpes with full knowledge that my partner has it. And we didn't use protection.

I've been with my current partner for almost six years. He's my best friend and I trusted him implicitly throughout our whole relationship. We had some relationship problems but I always thought he'd deal with them just by breaking up with me... I've never doubted his love for me but he's made lots of emotional sacrifices for me. Back in July he came to me saying that he had cheated. He was so remorseful and I could tell that he was truly horrified he'd done this. I'd never seen him cry before. He was sure I'd leave him. He told me that this unfaithfulness had caused him to see a lot of things he was previously confused about, and that he was finally ready to move forward with me. We'd been stagnant for quite a while with no plans to move forward in our relationship. so to hear this really made an impact with me.

Then he told me that he was terrified he got "something" from this girl. They used condoms both times they were together but she had performed oral sex. He now had "something" on his penis. He went to a clinic the next day and herpes was confirmed. I freaked out, so did he. We never imagined we'd be living with this reality -- that he had cheated on me and gotten an STD. I was in shock for about a week before this all sunk in. We'd been together a couple times since he cheated (before he told me about it) and before he knew he had this. But, I hadn't shown any symptoms.

We went to counseling and worked things out, for the most part. He's still the best friend I've ever had and we're working on rebuiling the trust he broke. We're planning on living together, which will require a pretty big move on my part since we've been living in different cities for the last 8 months. After he knew he had herpes and after I overcame my shock, I found myself consoling him a lot, as he came to terms with this infection. I told him that I didn't want to have to use condoms with him for the rest of our lives together, imaginging a future marriage where we always have a layer of latex between us. I wasn't thinking.

It took about two months before I was ready to have intercourse with him. You would think that two months would have been enough time to come to my senses. I also didn't realize how easily it could be spread when the infected partner wasn't showing any signs. I kind of felt like I wanted to use condoms, but still felt a little scared to talk about this with him.

We were together last weekend, only the second time without protection, and not two days later I started to feel pain. At first I thought it was because our intercourse was a bit rough. But the pain didn't go away and actually got worse. Then it started to burn when I urinated. I was shocked, horrified, terrified that I had herpes. I hopped on the internet to find that I had some of the symptoms.

Talking to him on the phone, he could tell I was upset. He knew right away what I was upset about. He urged me to get to a doctor, but the thought of actually telling a doctor that I thought I had this, and then having to explain that I KNEW my partner was infected and I still didn't use protection, was just too horrible to imagine. Why did I choose this for myself? How stupid am I? I'm a college-educated 28-year old woman who's only been with three sexual partners. But I *choose* to get a lifelong STD, just because I didn't feel like using condoms???

So, my boyfriend instead called his doctor and requested a Valtrex script for me. The doctor must've taken pity on me and he called it in to the pharmacy. I started to feel better almost immediately. I've been on Valtrex now for this first outbreak (which, by the way, includes only pain and burning but no visible outbreak, lesions, or bumps) and I do feel better physically.

Psychologically I don't know how I'm doing. It's kind of up and down. Yesterday I was feeling like this isn't a big deal, that we can live with this infection together for the rest of our lives. I then sometimes worry about what will happen someday if we're not together anymore. I feel disgusting and wonder how anyone could want to be with me. Today I've been doing a lot of reading and trying to come to terms with this. I know I need to see a doctor, but am not ready for that. I have been planning on switching doctors since I'm not comfortable with my current one, but I haven't switched yet since I'm planning on moving to a new city. I feel like a Leper, like I have the plague or something.

I think I'd actually have been able to deal with this better if my boyfriend had passed this to me before he knew he had it. Knowing that I CHOSE to get this infection is driving me crazy. I can't believe I was so stupid -- I didn't really think it would happen this soon. I wasn't ready for it at all.

Wishing it would all just go away,
Octoroon

Answer:
That is really really really strange that you had no visible signs of the virus yet you had itching burning and pain.... I've never heard of this before... ever... And I've read alot about this fucking disease.... You wanna know something funny.... I think that stuff you went through might be psychological.... I've heard this was extremly common when you know your being exposed to something and then after wards thinking that you have it because of something little that your brain tears apart and makes it huge.... DON'T SLEEP with your guy friend until you see a doctor, see if this is possible.... You might be going through the placebo effect when you used the valtrex or whatever.... OMG will that ever be a gift from God if your not affected.... I don't know your personal life or anything but why you put yourself at risk like that is plain stupid.... I'm glad I'm not your friend, cause if you told me something like that and we were close I'd lose it on you :? GOOD LUCK

Rich

Answer:
You might want to read up on herpes a little more, because if I recall correctly, if he proformed oral sex on her, he would get it on his mouth, not his dick hun. There is the chance he DIDN'T use condoms when they had sex, or it is possible he had the disease before he slept with her. It's also possible you have the disease and passed it along without knowing.
More than 88% of people who have the virus DON'T KNOW IT and don't display signs.
This is a complicated disease and there are SO many factors involved. But if this girl had herpes on her mouth, more than likely it was type 1, not 2. type 2 isn't very common on the mouth. And if that is the case, it doesn't just float down stream to the genitals.

Chek out this site..it's on this forum, and a great article that will explain what I was saying about him getting it on his genitals when he used a condom but swears it was cuz he went down on her...did he not notice the nasty looking little sores...hello!!!



Answer:
Sweetheart...the symptoms you described ALSO sound like a UTI- urinary tract infection. Why would you start taking Valtrek when you don't even know for a fact that you have herpes? You need to go to the doctors and be properly diagnosed. Do you know how often they must hear how people are infected even though they knew their partner had it? It's not uncommon and for you to beat yourself up when you don't even know if you have it for sure is silly....What if you dont have it? Won't you be relieved to know that? And if you do, at least your doctor can prescribe you something that will work for you.....

Answer:
I agree, while it's possible you have herpes, it's just as likely or more likely you have another type of infection. Starting valtrex without a doctor consult is not a good idea. Furthermore, it doesn't strike me as so ridiculous that you chose to risk contracting herpes with a longstanding partner with whom you have a serious relationship. People do this all the time. Some of them get herpes, many of them don't. In a year of unprotected sex with a herpes-affected partner - as long as you avoid sex at times when sores are present - your risk of getting herpes is still less that 20 percent. Furthermore - and I do hate to sound trite here - herpes really isn't the end of the world, although it takes time to come to terms with it. The fact that you responded immediately to Valtrex means that you may well have herpes, however, I think you need to go get it checked out. Be patient and don't jump to conclusions about what's going on. good luck