Question:
I'm 19 and this came as a total shock to me. I was never one to "party hard" or "sleep" around, and I had just started having sexual relationships with my boyfriends.

It started after I had some bad experiences with exboyfriends. I was sick of guys in general so I was living the single life when my friend invited me out for drinks with her boyfriend, herself and her boyfriend's roommate. I came, and met the roommate... and older guy. At first I wasn't interested because he was a lot older than me (31), but he seemed really interested and tried very hard to get my attention. My friend's boyfriend assured me he was a nice guy, so after a couple times going out, I finally relented and we went out on a date and eventually slept together.

...what a mistake that was.

After a month of dating came the ever-dreaded first outbreak. I was totally confused about what it was, but I was planning to go on BC anyway, so I went to the local clinic to get checked out (just in case) and pick up some BC.

When the doctor who attended me it was probably herpes, I was floored. I had always played it safe with my boyfriends (I've only had three up till then -- including him) and made sure they wore condoms. I was devastated.

Naturally, the first thing I did was go and my older bf. He seemed wary but was very adamant that it just couldn't be him, I must've got it from a previous boyfriend. I doubted this because of the time between since I was last "with" (sex) with my exes was TOO LONG and I was a little suspicious because the questions he asked sounded like someone who KNEW about herpes. And told him that he would have to get tested, but to ease his mind I would ask my exes to get tested as well.

Weeks passed and my exes were lovely about it and were more than willing to get tested and were very supportive of me. My current BF, however, was not so eager. He said he was too busy to go, etc. and still maintained that it wasn't him. By then I was getting really suspicious because he was being so reluctant to go to the doctor, when the two people who didn't really have any commitment to me anymore jumped at the chance to help me...

Well, as you would've guessed, both my exes' tests came back NEGATIVE. It was obviously the new guy that gave it to me and when I told him this, he just kept saying it wasn't possible. Then the worst of it happened...

When I was vulnerable, scared and hurt he suddenly broke up with me. Well, he didn't even break up with me, he just stopped phoning me and wouldn't pick up or return my calls if I phoned him. I was so hurt and betrayed. I knew then that it was definitely him who gave it to me... he just didn't want to face the consequences.

Funny isn't it? I dated this older guy because I thought he'd be more mature, when it turned out he was the MOST immature of all the men I've ever dated.

The story has a happy ending though: I met a REAL man, who has herpes too, as well and we are happy together so far. :)

Answer:
just curious..how did you meet your new guy?

Answer:
www.positivesingles.com -- really great site

Answer:
thats really cool you met someone great online....I always wonder about sites like that.

Answer:
That's one good thing about having a STD, people on "our" dating sites are usually very sincere and honest. :)

Answer:
Yep I'm the cynical one. So having herpes makes you sincere and honest??! And that's where I've been going wrong. When I was "clean" (trust me I'm being sarcastic) I should have come on here to find someone sincere and honest - HERPES does not make you either of those things. You either are or you're not. The thought of having to go on a 'website' to find someone JUST BECAUSE THEY HAVE HERPES horrifies me.

Answer:
Tothefuture: I'm 20 and many people at my age still have not matured or have even been remotely educated on herpes so if someone I'm dating who is uninfected finds out about it I think there's a greater chance they will be more reluctant to commit. Also, the ratio of people my age having herpes is probably substantially lower than the older age bracket therefore I think that in itself says there's a greater chance I'm going to be rejected.

I know people say that it should not affect who you should date but in reality it really does and I'm now starting to get the point where I might (big might) consider trying to start a relationship with someone who did not have it but rejection just isn't my thing so I don't know how I would do. I'm going to start trying h-dating sites and see how that goes.

Answer:
Yep I'm the cynical one. So having herpes makes you sincere and honest??! And that's where I've been going wrong. When I was "clean" (trust me I'm being sarcastic) I should have come on here to find someone sincere and honest - HERPES does not make you either of those things. You either are or you're not. The thought of having to go on a 'website' to find someone JUST BECAUSE THEY HAVE HERPES horrifies me. I said "usually". I found that after talking to a few of the people on those sites that these people realize better than most what it means to be in a relationship, and since they know that we're both in the same boat (STD) that they don't need to hide anything and are usually very open.

Also, I love that despite cursing the stigma that goes with having herpes, I find it amusing that many are quick to place stigmas on other people and things -- dating sites and the people who use them, for example.

Dating sites aren't as horrible as one may believe, and they definitely aren't for bottom feeders. I find that you can meet just as bad people, or worse (as you can see from my story), in bars or through friends. After that horrible experience detailed above, I wasn't eager to put my trust in someone who didn't have or maybe even understand my current position. I didn't want to throw myself out there to be judged by those "cleaner" than I. A dating site for those with STDs was a good solution -- and produced even better results.

So be horrified all you want, it worked out great for me. :D

Answer:
I wrote that post having just read, in a different thread, your reference to people without the virus as being 'clean'.

Well, what's in a word? I'm certainly not a big believer in the 'politically correct' bullshit that seems to strangle everyday language - in the UK there are some ludicrous examples of people being chastised for innocently using everyday words.

BUT, I'm afraid I DO think that calling people who do not have herpes as 'clean' does, in turn, give an extremely negative connotation to those of us who have it. And yes, maybe people will accuse me of being over-sensitive - but there you go. Then when I read your post about dating sites exclusively for people with herpes, I just didn't like the idea of haiving to have a site for 'the unclean ones' (that's how I felt at the time).

However, I do take your point about the advantages of using such a site, and each to their own. It's just not for me. But if it works for some people - great. :)

PS I don't know what bottom feeders are - maybe I don't want to!!!