Question:
I was diagnosed on Dec 20th. and am just now finally ready to share my story.

I had an on again off again BF for 3 years. As we were breaking up for the last time, I got pregnant. We tried to work things out while preg, but it didn't work. Fast forward to my son being 9 months old. I had not had sex with ANYONE for the past 18 months.

Well, I finally had my son's father respecting me and then I let my body speak louder than my brain and slept with him one last time until he passed the herpes to me and I had my first OB. He neglected to tell me that he had contracted herpes during our time apart. Bastard.

Of course after getting herpes from him, that squandered any last chance we had together since he lied to me by not informing me he had herpes!

And I thought I was handling herpes pretty well until:
Today a month after he gave me herpes, he has a new girlfriend.

I thought to myself "I want to meet her" and thought I would be mature about it because I knew she was going to be around my son a lot.

Well, my emotions got the best of me and I ended up looking like the crazy psycho ex girlfriend, "babys mamma" whatever you wanna call me, and I decided that I wanted to tell her that he gave me herpes. And I did. And lucky for him she said she didn't care, she would love him if he had herpes or if he didnt.

Well my ex is still in denial of herpes. He truly believes that he does not have it even after giving it to me, seeing my sores, my meds, and he himself having a large painful outbreak at the same time!!

It is very frustrating because I have to live with this for the rest of my life and I CARE about telling future boyfriends, and he doesn't. He is just another bastard spreading the herpes to every girl he has sex with.

Of course I accept 50% of the blame for contracting herpes, I should not have slept with him again in the first place because I knew he didn't care about his health to begin with. Im an idiot. And I will suffer for the rest of my life.

I'm okay, just keep thinking about what will happen when his new girlfriend has her first OB and diagnosis and how I can ever mumble the words to my new future boyfriends. O well, this is my life and I am still LIVING with H.

Answer:
did you have sexual contact with anyone else before ever beginning your relationship with your ex? and did you have an std test when you found out you were pregnant, including a blood test for herpes? if you did and they were negative then I agree he definitely gave it to you. However, if that is not the case, then you could have been carrying this virus dormant in your own system, without any symptoms, or even passing it on, for years from someone else. It seems kind of crazy to think of it like that but unless you were tested for stds, and specifically for herpes when you found out you were pregnant (which most doctors do as a precautionary measure) and it was negative then you can not be so quick to think he gave it to you. another way to know is if when you got your outbreak if they said your antibodies were "newer" indicating recent exposure within the past few months. After so many months they present differently and that is the only way to tell for sure if it was a recent exposure.. ..

just wondering cause its easy to assume and place blame when given this diagnosis because it seems so impossible that you could have had it if you dont fully understand the magnitude of the disease....either way it doesnt matter much in the end because now you have it. However, working through and understanding this and knowing if he is actually to blame may help. Has he been tested? has he had any sores or did he get them when you did because if that was the case then there is a good chance you had it, it surfaced and you infected him and during that process spread it on your own body causing an outbreak.......you'd know for sure if you both got tested after the initial outbreak and his antibodies were newer, or vice versa.

it sucks either way I know...had it for a little over a year now....its devastating. But its important to try and keep your head up and focus on things more important like your child. Its good that you told his new g/f in my opinion because sometimes its not peoples place to but I feel he may not have told.....she might have been so understanding about it because she does not know much about it or may think you are just a crazy ex trying to scare her off....ya know. But bottom line is, she knows, whether she understands it fully or believes it and its their problem now. But the fact that she accepted him, or said she did might be reasurring to you that someone would also easily accept you in the future ya know? hey, ever wonder if this new girl gave it to him and thats why she was so fine about the whole thing? lol I am bored and thinking way too much about this one...but the possibilities are endless. Just know you have support here....when it feels like there is no one else....there are people here who understand you and care.

Answer:
yes i was tested for every std when i was pregnant as far as i know...when i was diagnosed with herpes, they took my blood and did a culture. when i asked the doc at my one month follow up if it came back as herpes, he said that tests arent always accurate and that a clear diagnosis was made from my symptoms and them actually seeing my lesions.

i guess you are right in that i could have been the asymptomatic carrier but most likely not, i will have to get a copy of my medical records because i have been getting tested once a year for "everything" when i have been getting yearly paps and everything was always normal.

i did wonder myself if he had been sleeping with the new girl before and or during sleeping with me and maybe she gave it to him and that was why she was so unworried. and if she doesnt believe me, well you and i both know its only a matter of time before she has her first OB or he has one and can't have sex with her for 10 days because of the pain haha!
it is also very possible that he had a one night stand, he still went to the bars with his friends once or twice a week while sleeping with me. i know i am thinking it too, "why the hell did i have sex with someone like that" im ashamed and feel like i lowered myself for sleeping with him when i knew his sexual behavior to begin with, but i guess herpes was part of my life plan so im dealing the best that i can.

well now that i think of it, about a week before our OBs i noticed what looked like either a cold sore or a pimple on the corner of his bottom lip. i asked him if he "gets" cold sores now because he never had them before when we were together. he told me no and i trusted him thinking it must have been just a zit. well, i didnt put things together until the genital OB, but I had a really bad sore inside my MOUTH before the genital OB. so now I not only have genital herpes, i have oral and have had 2 cold sores since but no gen. OB. yeah my first thought was "yes we just passed it to our genitals from oral infection" but that is most likely not the case because in addition to herpes he also passed on molloscum contagiousm (spelling?) which is a pox virus that causes little flesh colored bumps with a white core. doc said thats not a big deal that the virus kicks within a year or so and never have to worry about that again. soo......

well thank you for listening and replying! it really does help me! =)