Question:
Hi, i just got diagnosed, and i do not know if it was a first ob or if i had it longer or if i just got infected as i am in a new relationship and developed a sore a bit over a week after i got implanon, an contraceptive implant that should get rid of condoms for the next three years! haha

as my ob was nothing much noticeable, i thought it was an irritation from shaving, a pimple, just got a bit sore and little painful due to wearing tight clothes on one day...nothing compared with what you guys talk about.

I went to see a lady doctor for examination regarding the implanon as i got some bleeding. And being there, i thought she might as well check on the sore and recommend some cream for it. She took a swab and i was told to call, the normal routine i guess we all went through.

But cause the time from appearance and healing, let it be close to 2 weeks if at all, my doc -who WAS my doc and i am hopefully never have to see again- recons it must v been a repeat outbreak.

we have to wait until 2 weeks to find out if my partner has it as well.

Blame factor? I am lucky, after reviewing your experiences, I even appreciate much more how lucky i am to have the bf i have. we talk about our feelings very open, he has been through worse shit than this, probably why he manages to stay as cool as he is. I don't know how he manages, this 2 weeks not knowing, i had to wait a week, actually just 49 days, as i never thought i could v anything until the nurse told me over the phone i had to come back. horrible 49 hours! got tummy trouble both ways if u understand what i mean, don't wanna get into too much detail.

Anyway, i wont know if i was the transmitter if my bf tests positive as well. We are basically not really interested to find out who was the one- nor he nor me knew, and if i would have known i most certainly wouldn't have wanted to infect him, and i am positive about him vice versa.

Now, if it was me, do i tell my ex?

I am not even sure if i had ever an ob before! how can i know how long i have had it?
Do i want to trouble anyone unneccesary?
Should i tell him out of fairness? but if, my ex is getting married and has been with the new chic nearly two years, so they would probably know already or otherwise if infected have transmitted it already. I sure don't want to ruin his wedding plans or make his life more miserable...What did you guys do?

I like to say that i wouldn't b very keen on contacting my ex, he is far away out of my life and that's a perfect place where i like him to be.


thanks

Answer:
dont be so sure your ex and his wife to be know if they have it....its more common sometimes to have no symptoms and have no clue you have it for years.....that was the case for me and my b/f.....3 years into the relationship got a random outbreak. Also, with the std testing not including herpes tests... people without symptoms who get tested for "all" stds often arent aware herpes tests are not included and as a result are led to a false belief they are clean of stds ya know? but it is your choice to let them know or not...it would be nice out of courtesy just in case he does have it, doesnt know, and has not passed it on yet to his wife to be. but if they are getting married then they must be in love and will have to deal with what comes down the line....if anything. Its a tough call. I personally would call my ex just to let him know....seems like the decent thing to do. If more people were honest once they found out and could at least inform their ex partners then maybe it could increase awareness and prevent some new cases.

Answer:
Thanks boxofrain!

I have read quite a few of your responses and am very happy that you take the time to answer me. Your advice sounds fair, even probably not doable in these early days. To many unanswered questions.

So far I wasn't sure who was the transmitter, as i got my ob about a week after we stopped using condoms. It wasn't painful, just uncomfortable, and i actually went to the doctor cause i thaught it was something wrong with my contraception.

But yesterday my partner showed me three little sore spots, so i suppose it must have been me who was the transmitter, as he never had any sores himself. I have had itching before, but nothing that ever really bothered me, i always made sport, neopren and saltwater accountable for the itch. Reading on this page about the pain many experience, it is still unbelievable for me that something could get unnoticed by. But I guess I must v been the transmitter, and i might have had it for years.

My ex broke of contact after getting the new girl, thaught it was inappropriate to have contact with his ex when in a new relationship, and i am not sure whether he will just think i have a childisch attack and am still not over him, which i was already when i broke up with him, or if it is any good.

But I suppose you are right, honesty is the only way how at least we ourself can work against the spread and work towards a better acceptance in society for it. I never felt bad about having a herpes on my mouth after flue or sunburn, but now i feel contaminated and dirty. I know I am not, but it is still a hard pill to swallow.

Still better than cancer, ey? Nothing life-threatening...so, how do I justify to complain?

Answer:
Hey there,
you are still justified to complain....allow yourself that once in a while....recognizing and expressing your feelings about this does not discredit or somehow change the severity of other diseases that have life threatening potentials. It does, however, allow you to let out emotions that tend to build up when we are always trying to justify and rationalize having this by comparing it to other things that are not on the same level.... herpes is in a class of its own and it is ok to vent about it and not feel like you dont have a right to when there are so many worse things out there....

there are all sorts of different trials and experiences people go through in their lives and to discredit the emotional or physical pain and fear of one versus the other is not always a good way to deal with things. It is however good to look on the bright side of things and focus on what you do have in your life that is good and colorful.

good to be positive, but good to vent once in a while WITHOUT guilt about this as well.

You mum is in my thoughts though I do not know her. I wish emotional peace for you and your family.

Answer:
Hmm...Heiks...i dont know about the tell him part. You have to know what kind of friend your ex was to you. If he was a really good friend? Then yes there is a high possibilty he might understand and take it well. If he was otherwise you might want to brace yourself for the backlash.

He could claim your trying to get back at him..trying to ruin his life now that he is getting married. Its a troublesome thing. We would all like to hope that in a situation like that we can do the right thing. Honesty may not be the best policy.

Only you know the person he was...he is getting married...do you know the person he is now?
By the way..some how i guess you both saw each other off and on after the breakup. correct? Anyway. Are you sure you gave it to him and he didnt give it to you.

And this is 2 years later. You dont know what he did after you and while he was romancing this new girl. You can go confess to something that may not be your fault at all.

This is a tough one. I am thinking about it now. I applaud your willingness to be honest. But i hestitate. Possible sleeping monster.

Good luck though.