Question:
Okay, so I've had GH for about 5 years and have not been totally down about it until now. I met a wonderful man, who was fine with it (negative for H) and willing to except all that this wonderful disease has to offer. We got married in May after dating for 3 years, buying a house, etc. and it seems that things have changed now that we are married. I think I'm the one to blame for this though. I'm almost sure that I should be seeking professional help for this, but I've become suicidal over the past few months - although I've never acted on anything. This has possibly played a big part in the distance between my husband and I. I don't even want to leave the house anymore. I get really bad OB about every month right before my period, so there is a lot more to deal with than my normal PMS, so that has me completely down. I've been a bit more verbal about what has been going on and it seems that my husband would rather run than talk about it with me - this is really hurting me. I don't have anyone to talk to about this, so for him to not want to listen to me, really hurts. I did realize that he doesn't get turned on by me anymore (I have another post on this), which has me feeling like the most disgusting, dirty person in the world! I'm in the process of looking for a job as I got laid-off 6 months ago, but the stress has been adding the the number of OB I get.

In short (not really), I'm wondering if anyone else is self-sabatozing(sp) their lives for this horrible disease. There are days that I really feel like I could be going nuts! And then there are days that I am completely normal. I have wanted to just take my stuff an leave my husband since I feel like this has to be a burden on him, but I have the ability to realize that this is the wrong mind-set.

Just as some background - I am allergic to Valtrex (and anything like it) and I contracted GH from my exboyfriend that was cheating on me.

Has anyone found that tranqulizers have helped? My doc had suggested this a while back. Oh, I'm taking some Immunity boosters, so I'll let you all know how this is working.

Sorry so long - I really have this forum and my cats to talk to and my cats seem like they don't understand what the heck I'm talking about;)

Answer:
I've never been a huge fan of tranqualizers. I do support the use of antidepressants if they are RX'd by a psychiatrist and not a family doctor. The world of depression changes like the wind, and a family doctor can't possibly keep up with what works best like a psychiatrist can. :confused:

I hope you might consider an appointment with a psychiatrist and maybe some therapy. Stress will really mess with herpes as I've found out. I recently have been mowed down by personal issues....a daughte-in-law with breast cancer, a nephew who committed suicide and a son who went from an Army reservist to active duty...all between Thanksgiving and Christmas. On top of that, I own five acres of desert, and someone turned me into P & Z. If I didn't have it cleaned up, they would do it and charge me $16,000.00!!!!!! Like I have that kind of money to give away.:(

I've finally decided that it's time to take it one day at a time. I can change the things I can, accept the things I can't change, and pray I have the wisdom to know the difference. I will be absolutely worthless to anyone if I am a basket case myself. :-|

I hope you find some answers for yourself, and maybe see a good doctor who can help you get through this dark time in your life. Hang in there.

Answer:
Hi catgirl....you are not alone.......you almost described me exactly in what you posted.....except I am not married, but in a relationship and have been going on 4 years. I got this in July of 05 ...so almost 2 years for me. I have outbreaks all the time......especially before my period. I cry at least a few times a week.....some days feel fine and normal other days feel like actually ending my life, but like you have not gone through with it. I am also more verbal about my outbreaks because I get them all the time and have since I contracted this....i think it has a lot to do with the psychological aspects of always having this on your body (outbreaks I mean) and also hormones and periods....so many emotions, etc. I feel like you do....my boyfriend, though he does have this too, he has only had 1 small dot that lasted for 5 days in July of 05, the same time i contracted it from him....he'd never had a symptom until that day and did not know he could have even been carrying the virus...so we both have dealt with all the stages that come along with having it....the ups and downs but unfortunately for me I get outbreaks all the time and valtrex was soooo horrible for me physically that I had to stop using it immediately....side effects for me were worse than outbreak itself...anyhow, so antivirals are out of consideration for me....dont want that stuff in my body. I know exactly how you feel when it comes to emotions and especially not wanting to go out of the house.....i never want to leave and feel like it will take any energy i have to make myself go anywhere....i have horrible self esteem now and am soooo depressed that I too feel i am ruining my life but its not something you can just "snap out of" we will have this for the rest of our lives......it is so hard. Me never wanting to go anywhere also impacts our relationship because he does not want to just sit at home and "waste his life" as he says. Also, the distance you feel from your husband, I feel that with my boyfriend as well and since he does not ever have outbreaks his outlook and emotions concerning this are very different from mine and he doesnt want to talk about it either.....feel like it brings him down but its like I cant control my misery and fluctuating emotions. so, know that you are not alone.

I also recently started taking some immune boosting herbs and a good quality vitamin (neither advertised for herpes) ....just thought it would be a good idea for my body in general...so far only taking them about a week and a half so I dont know. Also, have had an outbreak since last thursday but amazingly it seems it is gone...but mine are so often it is like one day i dont feel anything anymore, rash looks like its gone too, and then the next day feel the cut like feelings around the anus and so it is soooo hard to tell when its gone and not....one of the most frustrating things if you dont get typical sores/blisters that have definitive stages.

Anyhow, I am also going to make an appointment with a naturopathic doctor I recently found in my area. It is expensive because insurance does not cover such types of treatment but i feel it is worth a shot because it is a whole body approach to deal with mind and body connection and the disease. The cool thing is this practice specializes in chronic diseases and I was amazed to see herpes listed under the list they specialize in. So, i am going to have a consultation and just take it from there. feel free to private message me if you ever want to talk....I like to have the support too and it is always nice to talk with someone who feels exactly like i do, or is experiencing similar experiences at the time. Hope you are having a positive day today, and if not, I hope tomorrow is better for you :)

Answer:
I have herpes and know it's horrible. I'm devastated I have it. I feel there are stages to go through, I think very similar to a bereavement reaction. Shock, denial, anger, etc. And these do have to be worked through. It changes your outlook on life. BUT, then comes the adjustment bit. And I do think peole have the potential to make a healthy adjustment to this (I'm working towards this - it dosen't happen over night).

I agree that a priority has to be to get the right medical/alternative treatment - whatever helps to alleviate the physical signs and symptoms.

But my point is, having herpes is bad enough without having low self-esteem and depression on top of it. Low self-esteem and depression are not inevitable symptoms of herpes. I think psychotherapy could help you both enormously. You've both mentioned you have suicidal thoughts - thankfully as yet with no intent. Make these work for you - see them as a sign to get some TALKING therapy.

I think the depression has to be tackled first. Depression magnifies EVERYTHING. Herpes is bad, but it's not the end of the world. It's the depression that's making you see it this way. And anti-depressants can only work on the biological symptoms. Talking treatments will tackle how you see yourself, maybe how you've always seen yourself to some degree, and then how herpes has accentuated this.

Just one last thing. Men and their reluctance to talk!!!! I have one of those too! Big on doing, big on solving problems but not big on talking. Why is that. I have to try really hard not to personalise this. I can't guess what's happening in your relationships, but my BF finds it difficult to talk about the virus because he feels it's all been said, giving me reassurance dosn't help, and he doesn't see it as a life-changing event (he has it too) as I do, so our perceptions of it are different- he doesn't NEED to talk about it.

I think he should talk about it, but these are his reasons for him not talking about it (to give him his due he will listen to me, I guess that's something) and I need to respect him for that. It's not a sign that he doesn't care about me - but it's easy to think this if you're feeling down and not good about yourself. And now I'm back to .....the need for talking treatments. Best of luck