Question:
I joined this site just recently because having herpes isn't something I feel like sharing with my friends and family.

The most ironic thing I have found is that so many of us who are suffering from this virus and trying to support each other seem to be dealing with personal or self hatred over contracting this.

I've said it before and I'll keep saying it. "Not one of us went out and purposefully contracted herpes". Herpes is a coniving opportunistic virus that must have a host to live in in order for it to carry out its life cycle and reproduce. If we weren't such a wonderful means for it to do this we wouldn't be here today suffering with its cruel effect on our bodies.

Whether it be hsv1 or 2 shouldn't make a difference. A virus is a virus some are more difficult to live with but since when did one merit pity and another merit judgement and condemnation? I'd be crazy if I went around calling cancer patients "dirty" and accusing them of being "unclean" or asserting that they did this to themselves. On this list we have no problem, or so I've read, in making these assertions about people who have contracted herpes. Sometimes we are making this negative assertions about ourselves. I wonder why someone would hurt themselves this way?

I could theorize that antiquated religious standards have created a world where many people still equate human sexuality with sin. It's crazy to me that to contol human behavior society embraced religious standards that demonized the very thing that God supposedly told us we should do which was to "be fruitful and multiply". I think it actually translated to if you have money and prestige and a contractual agreement you may "be fruitful and multiply" but if not you are committing sin.

Reality is that human sexuality is a natural part of being a human. It is a beautiful thing for two people to share and happens to be how all of us got here. Sex is a powerful force and it's difficult to deny how that force will lead some of us to make some less than responsible choices in the heat of the moment some of which have led to std's.

The fact that some diseases come from sexual activity seems to have branded them as the "dirty diseases". Consider that the number one biggest sexually transmitted condition you can get is "pregnant" as I mentioned before sometimes we see this as something to celebrate and other times we make moral judgements. It sounds like schizophrenia to me for one thing to be both good and bad.

It isn't like we were all in a row and placed into categories according to our morals or beliefs or income etc. That herpes virus didn't say "oh hey there's Bob and he's promiscous, he was late on his child support, or he's a sinner so we'll attack him." No it's crafty. It hides in the dark and waits for a new victim who happens to be unsuspecting.

I refuse to pass judgement on others for this. I didn't want it. I didn't ask for it. I didn't deserve it but guess what I do have it and now I have to live with it. I'll be darned if I am going to beat myself up over it. I never called anyone dirty who had an STD and I'm not going to start now.

I am a spiritual person and I'm not passing judgement on anyones religion - if you want to believe sex is a sin then go right ahead but the spiritual being I believe in loves me and wants me to be happy and wouldn't want a day to go by where I hurt myself believing in lies. I don't believe you deserve to be judged or persecuted or ostracized because you have hsv either.

What do you think?

Answer:
I think this is an amazing post and makes a lot of good points.

I am a Christian and have not had sex until just recently when I contracted herpes. The thing is, the only way to not contract an STD is to completely abstain from sex of any kind (and even then, you can spread HSV to yourself never having performed a sexual act of any kind!) yet sex is one of the most amazing, basic human aspects there is (what else can create a life?)

It is hard to ever understand until you actually live it. My roommate (one of the 3 people I told) and I were talking the other day and she was telling me how defensive she is now of STDs and people have started asking her if there's something she hasn't shared b/c she was so blown away when I told her because she said I was the last person she thought it would ever happen to. Because of my experience she has also started to understand the fact that STDs really don't discriminate or care who you are.

Anyways, I guess what I'm trying to say in so many words is thank you for this post, it is beautifully written and very true in my mind.

Answer:
Thank you for your response. I'm happy if it helps someone else to quit hurting. I've never heard of someone saying on their deathbed that they had too much love, or fun, or happiness but I'd like to try to be the first.:D

Answer:
It's so thoughtful and mature. Thanks. "Herpes" - I hate the very word. Doesn't it sound like "harpies"? It suggests something evil and dirty. I think if it had a different name, we'd have an easier time getting accepted. What we need to do is to come up with a melodious-sounding name for it, and then get the rest of the world to accept it :wink: Any suggestions?? How about "Hesivir" (from HSV)? Ha!

Also, don't you think that part of the reason for the stigma associated with genital H has to do with our cultural/religious tradition of equating skin disease with sin? Think of the Bible and the treatment given in it to lepers, for instance. I'm "Miriam" because in the Book of Numbers the sister of Moses is punished with leprosy for speaking out against her brother. She is thrown out of the camp for 7 days. Skin disease is the visible sign of the rotting soul. So went the thinking. And it still does, unconsciously for many people. When the "sign" is right there, on the genitals, well... what can be more clear?? Skin disease=genitals=sin, so goes the equation.

Let's not give validity to that kind of thinking by hating ourselves and beating ourselves up over having the "harpies." Love and peace to you. :p

Answer:
Mariam, I agree. I cannot say the word "H" for my life. I think we should change the name globally. I contracted HSV last summer and I still cannot say the ugly word. I have excepted that I have it and it is not a horrible disease, but the word is so unromantic. "Harpies" sounds good too;) I'm glad I'm not the only one who has this speech impediment. Ha! I hope one day, I would finally be comfortable saying those words. I am a very sensual woman. I just want to be able to feel sexy again.

Caliope, thanks for shedding light on the subject. I too am a Christian and I have not attented church since my diagnosis. I am a good person, but somehow feel ashamed about some of my decisions. Now I can save face when I enter the establishment and be around church members.

Answer:
I like to just think hsv and I don't know how comfortable I am yet with saying any of them but I never see anyone whispering behind someones back and saying "oooh he/she has hsv." It takes the punch out of it.

Someone joked that we should have a parade. It made me smile but again don't know that I'm ready for that one.

Just a tidbit of info. Did you know that herpes in cats is a respiratory disease? It isn't something we can get from them but it is a really crafty virus that wears alot of disguises.

I'm gonna try to find a way to increase public awareness about Hsv and what it really is. Wish me luck.

Answer:
And we should all pitch in. As far as I know, nobody makes fun of HPV, another common STD with few symptoms. Is it because it has no alternative, scandalously-sounding name like "herpes"?? Think what you want, but in my opinion a big part of the stigma attached to our pet disease is "in the name."

Answer:
Okay but who goes around saying Human Papilloma Virus? It is long so they say HPV. Herpes is short thus we hear herpes, herpes, herpes. But most people think that is hsv 2. When they are talking about hsv 1 they have the cute little term cold sore. I think we should call it the "tingles" not the shingles and not a cold sore but something catchy.

So I was thinking that the research says that 60% of the population already have hsv1. (no calculation for genital hsv1) But when have you ever dated someone who said before that first kiss - hey I have to tell you I have an incurable disease - and its herpes simplex 1? Never ever have I heard this. And kissing is considered to be pretty benign. I imagine you could even get it from an awkward hug where they accidentally drag their lips across your face or chin. Or those awkward kisses that you try to avoid by turning your head. Yeah I've heard you can even get it in your ear.

Sorry I'm digressing a little but I just don't think things are in perspective. Boy am I glad I read that article. It made me feel so much better.


Answer:
Good thinking and most excellently put Calliope:p

I too am a spiritualist and believe everything is for a reason. While the diagnosis is tough, it maybe has saved me from myself. Someone is looking down on me and keeping me sane. I thank you for your imput.:D


Yes I hate saying "Herpes" too, ppl would just recoil in horror if I went about broadcasting " oh BTW I have Herpes" It sounds like something nasty and that I never thought would happen to me. When you've got it you realise physically most of the time, it's not a problem, if you're not having an OB.

Its a bit like HIV, sounds better then "by the way - I have AIDS"!!! Now that would scare the sh*te out of anyone. It's nothing compared to that or Cancer or many diseases, yet we have this awful stigma. We must do something to change that. But human nature being what is it, I don't know if we ever can!

Keep up the sound advice - Jules x