Question:
My eight year relationship ended when I discovered I had herpes and probably have had it for many years. (I had shown symptoms to docs who told me it was ingorwn hairs.)

My partner is a Type A hypercondriac (borderline OCD) with a MORBID fear of STDs! We broke uo for 2 years because of his inability to deal with it. we love and miss one another and neither of us wants anyone else. We're back now trying again - being freinds - but he has a problem tongue kissing me!!!

Is there any hope? I think his fears far outweigh the reality especially considering in most probability he's already been incontact with it. But the truth is, I figure if HE doesn't want me, who would???

desperate and lonely,

homealone

Answer:
I know the least thing I need to be worrying about is someone wanting me because I need to focus on my health yet I was thinking if I have my health intact then what about my love life?????? I fear everyday that no one is going to want me. I have been talking to this new guy and he's cool, but I don't know if he'll be too cool when I tell him I have genital herpes. In a way, I'm kind of scared of telling him because I don't want to lose his friendship. I know the saying, if he really cares then he'll stick around, but that's not always true. Sometimes two people can really like each other, I mean really really like each other, but as soon as one of the people say they have a STD that other person will having second thoughts not because they no longer like that person yet they are just scared they will get the disease and they don't want to put their health in jeopardy just because they like a person. I feel it may be like that between he and I and I don't know how I will cope with that because if he doesn't want to talk to me anymore I feel this could just be the beginning of more possible heartbreaks.

Answer:
and then there's always WHEN is the right time after you meet someone. do you wait until the relationship gets romantic, or is that too late? will he/she be upset that she/she wasn't told BEFORE you kisssed?

well...all that and more is why i'm back with my ex who left me freaked out over this. we have a HISTORY and made love HUNDREDS of times while i was infected and never knew it. i feel if i can't get HIM over his fear - it's all over for me at 57.

anyhow...i am planning a wild seduction tonight. rose petals to assorted condoms!

wish me luck.

i DO beleive that if they love us enough it shouldn't be a problem...but to tell the truth I have trouble putting myself in the other person's shoes - how would i react????

i think you should play it out like a movie - being coy and always stopping. making him beg for what he wants, and then say "I can't" until he pulls the reason out of you and is relieved that that is ALL it is!!! it has worked for me in other circumstances. the anticipation, the fear, the really bad morbid thoughts...in comparrison what we think is so awful is nothing. i think you also have a give a guy a chance to think about it. they might perhaps want to know what the whole stroy is - i would. be prepared with literature to offer.

i wonder what percent just doN'T tell. i wonder what the percent of male to female honest and open to not is!!!!!

happy new year, all.

Answer:
Hi,

I am just starting to really get into this guy and we have a date this weekend. We have known each other a couple months from work and we have been out to happy hour about 4 times, but this weekend is our first real official date. I feel things progressing with us slowly and there is much sexual attraction. But when is the right time to tell him? I want to make sure he really likes me before even thinking of telling him, because if he doesn't and just wants sex and then I tell him this, it will be humiliataing. Plus he works where I work and I wouldn't want it to get out.

Then I don't want to wait to long till we are so into one another and spring it on him either? Should I tell him this weekend if things are going well?

Answer:
i would do one of two things:

1. Wait as long as humanly possible and then tell him that you always use practice safe sex - with a condom. if he asks why - say, for BOTH of our protection. i don't know your entire sexual history or my own for that matter, cause either of us could be carrying a dormant disease.

2. Have an up-front conversation about past histories and AIDS testing. Many couples TODAY wait until after both parties have been tested and have results - some even wait another 6 months to re-test. SOME use condoims int he meantime, some just wait.

My New Year's eve SEDUCTION of my scared man worked very well. The more I tried tot alk to him, the more scary it got for hi, Just doing it worked better. I incorporated everything i had ever read in any cosmo on the art of seduction --including putting on the condom. sex is FUN! keep it light! always be able to laugh at the absurdity of it!

Answer:
once you've bene divorced, as i am, you realize there are no guarantees in life. i thought by staying married to the same man for 20 years kept me safe. HA!! anyone can promise not to cheat or not to leave you. There are no guarantees! lighten up.

Answer:
That was fantastic advice guest/homealone

Thanks

Answer:
I just told my partner of 3 months that I have it and he just dumped me.

He said it didn't bother him at all then I found out in a round about way that he went to his doctor without telling me that it bothered him and that he was going to check himself out.

I am glad he went to his doctor but was angry and hurt that he would say to my face (and while holding me in his arms) that everything was fine, he would see his doctor in a week or so after he came back from vacation, but then make an appt without confiding his concerns to me.

He stopped talking to me after I got mad about the doctor's appt and sent me an email saying he wasn't comfortable with me anymore and that he was returning all the gifts I had given him.

He left early this morning for Cancun without speaking to me for the last two days.

Here I am depressed having just found out I have it and traumatized that I just got dumped after not having been in a relationship since 1996.

I met him on the one year anniversary of my dad's death and I told him I thought of him as a gift...a gift from my dad...I can't believe this has happened.

Anyone know any words of advice that may help me?

Answer:
I met a woman a while back who I really fell for. I am divorced and I hadn't dated and along she came and I just fell for her. We dated a few times and it was great. Then one night we got together for a movie and we just fell into each others arms and by then it was too late to have the conversation. You need to have the conversation before you lose your mind to the pleasure in your body. I had intended to speak to her about it. I had no intention of getting intimate with her that night. It just happened. I hadn't had any out breaks for a long time and I told her I had herpes after we had made love. She dumped me like a hot potato and told me to never contact her again. I was devastated and I am kicking myself for not telling her before hand. My advice from painful experience is to tell the person before you get intimate or even close to intimate. If they like you they will remain friends and possibly lovers if they leave you you will find someone better. Don't do what I did. I totally shattered this womans trust in me and I feel like a jerk for what I did even though I didn't mean to be a jerk. I really cared about her although she would never think so after what I did. Just be honest, be up front and discuss things before things get hot and heavy. Thats my 2 cents worth.