Question:
I haven't posted a rant before, but wow I'm pissed off! I have been dating someone for nine months. I found out that I had h2 two weeks after we had sex, but according to the blood work I already had the problem before him. Okay, fine...it's on me. He has been tested twice since then and is herpes free, which makes me very happy. However, he completely refuses to be intimate with me in any way shape or form, but he wants to stay together. Beyond hand holding and some light kissing, and I do mean light, we might as well be friends. What is pissing me off is that we have talked about moving in together (his idea), having kids, building a life, but apparantly he is okay with no sex...ever!!! He has even suggested invitro to get pregnant. I know this stuff really sucks, but it's not the end of the world. It's not like I am asking him to get cancer or HIV. I felt selfish at first for even asking him about sex knowing I had this problem, but at what point does he become the selfish one? I told him in January that if this wasn't for him then for both our sakes we needed to move on. He begged me to stay - At first I felt almost lucky that he didn't just walk away, but now I am angry! This weekend I tried to talk to him about how badly this was making me feel. I tried to explain to him how much I needed his support and to feel that he was attracted to me. I also suggested that we go to a physician together to get any questions he has answered. He told me that he didn't have time because of his fricken job stress and that he would not have time until this summer to deal with this decision. Then he asked me: "Do you really want me to catch this disease?" Of course I don't! I feel like I am going crazy about this situation. On one hand I am worried about giving it to him and on the other I think that I am a great catch and that I am worth the risk. Why the heck is he with me if he is so scared of this?!! I love this person, but I would rather lose him now than six months from now!! Do I sound like a jerk or what???

Answer:
No, Id break up with him.....you've been more than fair and given him plenty of time and sounds like he is being very selfish. He has a right to not want to risk getting it, but not a right to keep you in this situation where it is not emotionally good for you to stay with him. You're not crazy at all..... why the hell does he insist on staying with you "right now" and what do you think he is waiting for.....to "decide"....sounds weird. Maybe he just doesnt want to be alone right now and that is why he is trying to make you stay with him. Id just tell him its not fair to you and you have a right to find someone who will love you and want to be with you regardless of your status. He is definitely not the guy for you.....and it is very selfish for him to try and have you stay with him and not be intimate at all and even to suggest invitro for you to get pregnant.....is he fu**ing insane? what kind of life would you have together in the future......hes afraid to touch you...how the hell are you supposed to have any sort of future together? you're not crazy at all. I agree with you.....let him go. Find someone who thinks you are worth it because YOU ARE!!!

Answer:
What would you do if your roles were reversed?

(He had herpes and you didn't)

Answer:
Is he gay and in denial???!!! If he is he's just found the IDEAL relationship.

I'm sorry I'm being sarcastic.

He has EVERY right to decide not to be with you.

He has every right to take his time to consider all the issues involved.

But...I think he's taking the piss (to be blunt).

He can't even find the time to consult a physician - I think that speaks volumes.

You've waited, you've talked, you've suggested seeing a doctor, and from him...he suggested in vitro to get pregnant!!! So he thinks this COLD realtionship is as good as you deserve.

NOT. You're worth millions more than that.

Good luck in your search for Mr Right - cos he aint him!!!

Answer:
if he cant be intimate with you, even LIGHT kissing i say end it.
sure herpes is a scary thing, but if your with someone that WANTS to be with YOU for the rest of their lives, and have kids etc. then they should love all of you, herpes included- since that is a part of you.

hes thinking to much about himself, and not how this is affecting you. sure he doesnt want it, im sure u dont want to give it to him. but sex is a part of a relationship. how long can one go w/o sex before they start looking in other places? (this is so common)

have a talk w/ him, tell him if he doesnt want to have sex, its over. youve got a world of people that are prob willing to start a life with you, and treat you like you deserve.

Answer:
It's obvious he doesn't want to accept any risk to get infection. This is his right. He doesn't even want to think about how to continue your relationship. May be now it's time to accept his decision and make your own?

Answer:
Hi there - you guys are totally right. He has every right to want to avoid catching this and JRTJRT asks a good question. If the roles were reversed what would I do? I'd like to think that I would take the high road if I found the love of my life, but since I'm not in his shoes I guess it's hard to say. That being said, perhaps I'm not the love of his life, no matter how much he says he loves me. I need to make a decision and soon...for both of us...this really sucks. Thanks for the input - I was afraid I was being really selfish. Take care!

Answer:
Amanda, if you don't live your life who will? You have every right to put your own needs first and if that's selfish so be it. It does no good to put yourself last. I would bet that if you take a real close look at your heart you will know what you need to do.

Herpes is no reason to quit living. There are people out there who will accept you and you can have a full and happy life and you deserve to get love and affection just like the rest of us.

We used to say do you want to be with someone for the wrong reasons or alone for the right reasons? Sometimes hanging on too long just wears you out when you could be getting yourself ready for the next great romance and a happy ever after.

Answer:
Well it is a valid question; What would you do if your roles were reversed? and I honestly don't know what I'd do. But, I know I wouldn't fanny on for months and months trying to make my mind up, and suggest settling down together and having babies by in vitro!!!!!! Incredible.