Question:
Hate Hate Hate...

Answer:
so by accident i hit enter or something and it started my thread early...


i just wanted to get rid of some stress.. cuz i have no idea what to do here

this girl who i had a real connection with who fuckin loved me left a short time before i caught this, and just came back.. shes only here for 2 weeks and shes been blowin my phone up all day.. now i would do just about anything to see this girl, but i reeeeeally dont wanna give her something to take home if you know what i'm sayin..

i'm really not interested in puttin it out in public that i have this right now/ever so it comes down to lie and hope for the best or just abstain with no contact/some excuse and break her heart... neither sounds like a good plan from where i sit... i hate this bullshiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiit

now from my understanding, you shed from spot of outbreak so condom covers.. but (discretion advised) she LOVED suckin my dick.. i got told a lot i had a 'perfect dick' and she just geniunely liked pleasin me.. used to get so ridiculously wet before i even really worked on her.. so even if i decided to be a selfish asshole and hit it before she left, i'd have to skip the head and shed know something was up.. i just wanna not see her

BUT THESE MESSAGES SHE LEAVES ME ARE SO GODDAMN PAINFULL

she sounds so sad, it kills me to have her thinkin i'm ignoring her for something she did or however she see's it.. i just wish i could be like a ghost and go kiss her and say 'forget about meeeeeee' and have her just move on and not worry about this... i just know she was on some 'new life' shit with me and really i dont even want her signed on for this...

right now, only a couple of my closest friends and my dad know.. cuz man i was BUGGIN when i got diagnosed.. i was on this whole 'my life is over' tip and had to have some positives re-inforced...

and some of these guys are on the 'dont ask, dont tell' bandwagon.. its a lot of shit to take in, cuz thats morally wrong and yet SO easy compared to being open... my minds just racing right now, i dont know what to do.. cuz i just want to be normal again.. i'm a ladies man who is still getting propositioned but has to run in the other direction...

girls call me long distance to ask if i miss them.. girls i havent seen in months.. i'm still on their minds.. and the only thing on my mind is this wall of fire thats keeping me locked away by myself..

HAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAATE

Answer:
You should gather up the strength to tell her.I mean you will have to tell someone eventually or do you plan on being celibate for the rest of your life?

Answer:
Isn't the crux of the matter how you feel about her. If you think a lot about her, then isn't it worth taking a risk - she's obviously a tad smitten with you!

You say you had a connection with her, that doesn't happen often as far as I'm concerned. And even if she's moving away again, so what, if it's meant to be it's meant to be.

If in the past you'd have only seen her as a one night stand, then don't take the risk. Yes you go without sex, but shit happens.


You describe yourself as being a bit of a stud - so you're confident, I know you've got a great sense of humour from the posts you've written, AND you've got integrity - you won't just shag someone and not tell them about the virus. I think you'll have no problem finding someone.

So if she might be 'the one' - tell her. ;)

Answer:
Tell her , give HER the choice.

Answer:
I know it seems insanely hard to tell someone but if you care at all about her truly, and not just cared about the sex and foreplay with her then you would tell her or at least not put her at risk. Remember, you can shed the virus anywhere, NOT just where you usually get visible outbreaks and even with a condom, it is not a guarantee she would not get it, even without visible symptoms, I know this is not what you want to hear but your post kind of scared me when you said you could still just have sex with her, without oral and I would hate to think you would even risk that for someone elses fate, as you despise having this so much. I think you should try and tell her and hope for the best, and she is going away again so it is not like she will be in the same place and youd have to feel awkward seeing her around....maybe it will help you if you talked with her, so at least she might understand, if not willing to still be sexual, ya know? I know it is the hardest thing in the world... but think about if she is really important or if it was just about the sex.

Answer:
well yeah, i was under the impression you shed from where you had an outbreak.. so you're basically saying to me that if i scratch my leg on any given day, i can give myself hand herpes?

thats fucked


i thought since my outbreak was on the head, i'd be one of those people that 'a condom will work for' i've seen that on this site a 100 times..

i am a stud lol, i do have confidence and shit but its killin me.. being me means i'm attracting these great girls but then i gotta start acting weird or something to shake them.. i was never really a relationship guy... to me i saw myself just doin what i needed to do and if females wanted to be apart, i had no problems with them coming around as long as everything was cool.. i didnt like titles and all the connotations they come with so it was pretty much just 'if you like being with me, then cool, but if you want to be something you have established in your mind, then i cant do it' so this girl knew that i had other girls in my life, but for that month or so she was here, we were pretty solid

like she stayed at my house most nights, we talked a lot... but i dont know if i really saw her as 'the one' but thats why its so fucked for me to have this.. cuz i'm only TWENTY FUCKING ONE.. i dont need 'the one' right now, i need to focus on my company and getting my shit off the ground, and occasionally, blow off some steam.. i'm a cocksman, i need sex to function properly.. regardless tho, i cant say she was my everything, that would be a lie.. but she was a really really cool chick, who was incredibly sexy, and very into me... she's cake.. you know what i'm saying?

she's sweet and delicous and so tempting.. possibly lacking in nutritional value, but sometimes you just feel good after a nice piece of cake, and she was fuckin ice cream cake son.. hahaha i dunno, maybe thats a bad analogy

i just dont know.. like i planned to be single for a long long time, and it always worked for me cuz a) i'm smart b) honest about what i wanted c) attractive and d) skillllllled but now i'm all those things except add on e) contagious and thats a serious monkey wrench thrown in my gears..

6 girls tried to pick me up last night... 6!!

i know its unfair to them to go for it and hope for the best, but it's also unfair how blatent and painful this obstruction of sexual freedom is..

i'm broken dude..

Answer:
Kwest, just had a fabulous idea...you're funny, quirky (in a good way), a bit of a dude, clearly a babe-magnet...I have the virus...you have the virus...see where I'm going with this...

I'm also old enough to your mother - I hasten to add, JUST old enough. Hey ho...

Seriously though, I have often thought it would be SO much worse to have this when you're young, so I wouldn't try to play down what you're feeling. But, - I'm afraid there's always a but...you sound as though you'll never have sex again!. You've probably already had more partners than I've had - and as I say I'm a tad older than you - and good for you. Nothing wrong with that. But life HAS changed for you and it's about adjustment. You're still mourning the life-style you used to have. And although I can totally understand that, you do need to move on. Otherwise, like I say - you're STUCK. So compromise with yourself. Maybe you need to start going on some DATES. Heard of them??!! They can be OK. Also fairly horrendous. But you'll find out if you LIKE someone, rather than just want to shag them cos they have a cute bum! So imagine it, you've been on 10 dates, and nothing. No chemistry. Then you go on another, and wham, attraction AND you like them. Then you can make the decsion whether to tell them that you get coldsores 'down there'.

At the moment you're putting yourself in impossible situations. How are you EVER going to tell someone who you meet at a bar. You wouldn't take the risk and neither would they. START DATING. What have you got to lose?

Good luck to you.

Answer:
sorry, when I wrote shed anywhere I was referring to the boxer region, which is supposedly the rule of thumb of where it is possible to shed the virus if you have it genitally. No, i dont think it will be shedding on your leg....thats not possible, unless thats where you happen to have herpes. Sorry for the confusion. Either way, it is still a risk and that is what I am saying. I know you are broken....believe me, so am i....been this way for almost 2 years now....got this when i was 22 so i feel your pain, really I do. Its just that as awful and as unfair as this is for us, it would be even more awful and unfair to KNOWINGLY risk another persons life for our own selfish desires...thats all. Hope things get better for you....as hard as this is, its not going anywhere so as much as you thought you were going to be living a certain lifestyle for a while, that is sadly not the reality that is going to be so maybe you should rethink that attitude and perception of how things were going to go and focus on how they actually are going to be going for now and the future......it sucks but if you continue to think like you did before you are going to be miserable and one day youre going to freak out, not care in the moment, infect someone and then live with that burden as well for the rest of your life....just something to think about. I know it is so hard and I dont want to change my thoughts and way i thought my life would be going but there really is no choice when it comes to this or to live and dwell on what was and want to die every single day ( also an appealing feelings somedays though...but in all seriousness...just consider it)