Question:
i have not been diagnosed by a doctor stating that I have the herpes virus but by the symptoms i had after having unprotected sex a few years ago, like a small pimple like mark on my genitals that kept coming back. I havent continued to have any major outbreaks in almost 2 years.

but here is my problem...
this friday i had a first date that really went weird. I invited my date to come and watch tv in my dorm room (we're both in college) for a little while, needless to say we had some drinks and i was really drunk. Beforehand I had told him that i didn't want to have sex on the first date and i thought that i made it clear. well, a few hours passed and i was on the verge of passing out and that's when he started having sex with me. i don't think i was being aggressive enough telling him that i didn't want to do it, but i didn't want to tell him the reason why was because of herpes. i felt guilty after giving in and sort of enjoying it, and then it was over so quick and i felt guilt about the disease and allowing him to have sex with me.

immediately after i told him!!! i said "i really didn't want to do it because i think i have an STD", and he said "what do you have" and i told him i think i had herpes and he was pretty mad at first and then asked me about the disease and things, and i told him what i knew and that i had been tested for STD's and was never confirmed of having the disease and then his manner changed and he said that it was fine because he used protection and concluded i didn't really have it(??)...feeling sort of relieved at the moment we talked a little (i don't remember about what because i was so drunk) and then ended up have sex again. This was so out of character for me to do this, but i wasn't in my best judgement to have sex nor to not tell someone about an STD before having sex but i really felt like i didn't have a chance.

it was really an embarrasing and awkward experience for me and i'm feeling incredible guilt right now and i really don't know how to handle all of this. any advice would be helpful. :oops:

Answer:
Well, technically he raped you so if he gets it, it's his own fault. You told him that you didn't want to have sex and he did not honor that. It's not your fault, since you weren't inteding on having sex with him, you weren't under any obligation to tell him you had herpes.

A person who takes advantage of another person while they are under the influence of alcohol or drugs is committing rape under most state laws.

I am sorry this happened to you.

Answer:
Well I finally found her.The woman I always hoped I would meet.She seemed perfect for me.When the big moment arrived I asked her about birth control.She said you need to use A condom.I said ok no problem.To make Along story short aferwards she told me she had herpes.She told me it was ok because I had used a condom.I think I was unfairly put at risk.That choice should have been mine to make not hers.I care for her very much but now I don't know if I can trust her.That hurts more than the thought of getting herpes.What should I do? :( i have not been diagnosed by a doctor stating that I have the herpes virus but by the symptoms i had after having unprotected sex a few years ago, like a small pimple like mark on my genitals that kept coming back. I havent continued to have any major outbreaks in almost 2 years.

but here is my problem...
this friday i had a first date that really went weird. I invited my date to come and watch tv in my dorm room (we're both in college) for a little while, needless to say we had some drinks and i was really drunk. Beforehand I had told him that i didn't want to have sex on the first date and i thought that i made it clear. well, a few hours passed and i was on the verge of passing out and that's when he started having sex with me. i don't think i was being aggressive enough telling him that i didn't want to do it, but i didn't want to tell him the reason why was because of herpes. i felt guilty after giving in and sort of enjoying it, and then it was over so quick and i felt guilt about the disease and allowing him to have sex with me.

immediately after i told him!!! i said "i really didn't want to do it because i think i have an STD", and he said "what do you have" and i told him i think i had herpes and he was pretty mad at first and then asked me about the disease and things, and i told him what i knew and that i had been tested for STD's and was never confirmed of having the disease and then his manner changed and he said that it was fine because he used protection and concluded i didn't really have it(??)...feeling sort of relieved at the moment we talked a little (i don't remember about what because i was so drunk) and then ended up have sex again. This was so out of character for me to do this, but i wasn't in my best judgement to have sex nor to not tell someone about an STD before having sex but i really felt like i didn't have a chance.

it was really an embarrasing and awkward experience for me and i'm feeling incredible guilt right now and i really don't know how to handle all of this. any advice would be helpful. :oops:

Answer:
Hi Dazed&Confused,

Maybe she didn't know that there still was a risk even if you used condom.......? (some people actually believe that it's 100% safe with using condom) Did you guys talk about why she didn't tell you beforehand..?

Well... this is what I think.... if it helps...
A good relationship is something you build... It's not something you find....
So is trust.

I would try to talk it out... if I still care for the person.. <smile>

Best wishes...

Faith