Question:
ok, so people have been going off about those who give them herpes on purpose, or not telling that they had it. ok, so here's a question for you...

i knew i had herpes when another guy decided to rape me. did i stop him mid-thrust, as he was beating the shit out of me to say ""hey, you might not wanna fuck me, you'll get herpes"??? HELL, NO! he's gonna rape me, he's gonna get the consequences! i mean, i tried to fight him off and stuff since i plain and simple didn't wanna be raped, i mean, who the fuck wants to get raped multiple times? but if he succeeds, i'm not gonna beat myself up about giving him herpes! that's fucked up! in fact, i'm GLAD! serves him right!!!

so, tell me, am i wrong in feeling this way? in knowing i had it, but not trying to stop him with the simple words "i have herpes"?

Answer:
saying it might have stoped him in the first place.
if it was me, i would have said ive got aids, and herpes, any nasty thing i could think of and make sure to get some spit in his eye to top it off....

but i think you are justified in your reason.

Answer:
Of course you're not wrong. He gave up all his rights the second he decided to assault you.

What goes around, comes around, or so people say. Let's hope something very very bad happens to him -and far worse than herpes.

Answer:
Rape is a whole different ball of wax darling. Fuck him and HIS tender sensibilities and had you SAID you had herpes or aids or any of that, the attack may have been more brutal and intense than it already was.

In a situation like that, you have to go into survival mode. Perhaps telling him would have made him stop. But it also may have enraged this human douchebag even more and he might have killed you.

in cases like this, it doesn't even count. The unfortunate thing is, this dude probabaly DOES have herpes (be it from you or someone else ) and he will probably continue to rape and spread his disease.

Did they (the law) catch this moron!??! Is he in jail?!?! GOd, I can only hope so.

I am glad you are ok and you are here! how long ago did this event happen and did you seek counseling for it as well?

Answer:
the sad part also to consider is that if you told him you had herpes and he contracted it I doubt he would stop raping women and would do it again at some point in the future and knowing he now has herpes might make him more angry and give him even more reason to keep doing his horrible actions and then infecting others. Im sure even since you didnt tell him, if he contracted it, it would only fuel his behavior. I hope they got him and he is in jail. Im sorry this has happened to you. Its kind of strange because i have thought about the situation....what if i was raped ever and would I tell I have herpes and I used to think i would probably just blurt it out in shock and fear but reading this post has made me rethink that should that awful fate ever happen in my future. There are many good points brought up here as to not tell.

Answer:
Rape isn't about sex it is about control. It's also like a disease of the mind and no matter what you said it wouldn't change the perpetrator.

It is true you could not predict what your words would cause the rapist to do it could have made it worse.

My bf worked for the crime labs for a time and they solve crimes like on tv and I remember thinking if someone attacked me I'd tell them that no matter the end result they would be caught and brought to justice but realized that it is just me trying to muster up the strength I need to face a frightening world full of predators and strangers. Once you've been a victim you can't go back but you can be strong and fearless again.

Jenhof if you choose to keep quiet and let him take his chances then good for you. It was not a consentual situation where you discussed the dynamic of std's. This creep was taking what he wanted at your expense and he deserves what he gets and I hope he meets up with the wrong person in a dark alley somewhere.

Answer:
i found out he was arrested a couple days later on some other, heavier, charges, and is gonna be in for a loooooooooooooooong time. i have been seeing a counselor (well, off and on) and am going back again for help with dealing with my many multiple issues. this happened to me just over two and a half years ago, shortly after i contracted herpes. it was hard for me to even fight after fighting failing such a short time before, but my survival instincts kicked in. when fighting failed again, i shut myself down. there was no point in keeping on fighting when he had already won.

i am dealing with it, albeit slowly. sometimes i feel so full of hatred, though, at the world and the people who are like this who get away with so much. sometimes i'm sad, other times i'm pissed off beyond belief. but, i am moving on. a little bit at a time. "baby steps"...:)

Answer:
jen...understandable that you are angry....it is something that will take years to get over...but you can. You will go through the gamut of emotions (as i am sure you are well aware of.) and i am so glad you are getting counseling to help you through this and any other issues you are dealing with (one can exasperate the other...so....).

it is made worse that this rape happened around the same time (or shortly thereafter)finding out you have H. I can only imagine what these two negative events have had on you psychologically, and again, glad that you are receiving help.

Remember this: you are better than him (your perp). you are better than the actions he took against you. You can and will rise above that event. It doesn't define you

Remember this too: herpes also doesn't define you. It is merely an annoying fact of your life, but it doesn't rule you.


I am SO glad that jackass is in jail/prison...hope he rots in there for the rest of his life. Rapist are the lowest common denominator; as someone pointed out, rape is a crime of violence and control, has nothing to do with the sexual act itself. People like this deserve to spend there lives in a hole someowhere. I have no sympathies for sexual predators of any kind.

I wish you the best and hope you are doing well. And thank you for bringing up a very good topic.

Answer:
You had absolutely no moral or legal obligation to tell him that you had HSV.

That guy deserves HSV, and he deserves to get raped in prison. Karma's a bitch and hopefully he's some dude's bitch right now.