Question:
I'm also 23...and was recently single a few months ago in a new city. Fortunatly I had some friends from high school and college just around the corner. I thought I was lucky to reconnect with this one particular male friend from high school. We'd go out, have great fun. Then one night I drank too much and fell asleep on his couch...and woke up to him on top of me.

Three weeks later I find out I have herpes, and I am not suffering from the most uncomfortable (physically) and shameful experience of my life. My ex-boyfriend (we were trying to work things out) basically told me that I got what I deserved.

I was trying to begin a relationship with a guy I knew from college...and now I'm just consumed with the fear that I've given it to him, when I didn't know I had it.

I'm, quite literally, hiding. My friends are calling me to hang out, and I'm afraid to pick up the phone. I'm afraid that they'll take one look at me and know...and the guy I was interested in will hate me forever.

My friend from high school keeps calling as well...and I don't answer the phone because I'm afraid of what I'll say to him

Answer:
what a predicament to be in and how are you feeling in your heart about this? mostly I'm asking - this hs friend assaulted you - to take advantage of someone this way is purely predatory and should be reported. I hope you went to the police.

and this ex bf of yours needs to be discarded - please tell me you aren't going to be giving him the time of day after that kind of response.

it is quite possible you've passed this lovely gift along to your college guy. hsv is very contagious when newly acquired even while using condoms.

What would I do in this situation? I'd call the police and report the assault and be prepared to give all of the hs friends info to them and I'd press charges without an ounce of guilt. I'd never talk to ex bf again because he has issues about respect and basic human kindness. After I reported hs friend I'd let college guy know about the assault and the diagnosis and walk him thru getting tested. It is not your fault you were assaulted. NO means NO and taking advantage of a sleeping or inebriated person is not the same as them giving consent it is RAPE.

you can pm me if you'd like or just need support

Answer:
I am learning soooo much on this forum. But let me get this straight. There really is no way to truly tell who gave it to you, correct?
Maybe college guy gave it to me, and he just never had any symptoms? I still don't know which type I have, my clinic hasn't called back yet.

....and I can't turn in hs friend. I can't bring myself to do that.

Answer:
In a short window no you can't be sure who infected you. unless you are all tested and someone is quite clearly positive and everyone else is negative. this would take some cooperation with all parties. in addition to you this includes the hs friend, the ex bf and college guy getting tested in the near future. you could do this and not let everyone know how many people are involved.

You may conduct your life as you see fit but from the perspective of someone who has had to deal with the life long effect of sexual abuse what you described your hs friend did to you is rape. if he thinks it is fine to take advantage of someone who is his "friend" then I would not want to know what he would do to someone who is not.

It takes a lot of gall to do such a thing, hsv or not. it shows a general disregard for women and their well being and I guarantee that men like your hs friend continue to perpetrate their acts upon others until they are stopped. by not speaking up or reporting this you are condoning his behavior.

Sadly I can understand why you might not want to speak up or why you may hold yourself somehow responsible for his actions but ultimately that makes you a victim and to embrace the thought of being a victim seems to be what you are trying to avoid by speaking up on this forum and asking for assistance.

Answer:
yes it is very true that someone may not be able to tell who gave them herpes, its a known fact that one can carry this with out ob, or signs of being infected at all for a really long time. Maybe college boy did give it to you, because he didnt know.... now that you know, it is only fair to you/him to tell him about this.....

as for the EX... if you love you, and dont want added stress in your life... leave him absent from it, during roll call dont even call his name.

as far as hs boy..... what do you owe him to not report what he did? he did rape you! i would get not reporting him if being awake and one thing led to another... however you were sleeping-past the f@$% out and he did this. would you have had sex if being drunk was not a factor? even if the answer is yes.... the guy didnt care about you to wait for you to be in a better state... he used you and thought nothing of you during that moment. and if not reported..... he is going to remember i did it once, and then some other NOT so LUCKY girl is going to be wearing those "i drank to much" shoes. your only telling him what he did IS OK.
springers final thought: if you report him, you could be saving someone from being raped. (maybe he is your friend, but the next girl will have just met him):(