Question:
First of all, I have to say this forum has really helped me through this difficult time in my life. When I was first diagnosed in November 2006, I did not have anyone to talk to and it was very hard. Well, that is when I found this forum and it helped me so much to read about individuals experiencing the same things that I am experiencing. However, I would like to pose a question. Is there anyone on this forum who has read posts and it sort of brought them down? I have tried to be positive about this situation and for the most part, I have been successful in doing that, but sometimes when I read different post, I get frustrated. Only until recently have I experienced an emotional setback, but it did not last very long. Typically, I feel okay, but there are some days (such as this past Monday) where I feel like crap. Today is a new day and I must say that I feel sooooooooooooooo much better. It only lasted one day this time and that within itself is some progress.

Answer:
Having herpes is like a never ending emotional roller coaster, which during the first year or two after diagnosis is most extreme. For some it may be daily emotional jolts, others not so frequent, but definitey will still happen from time to time. Every year of our lives for the rest of our lives there will be hurdles and obstacles with this in one way or another. Its always there, though as much as we try and learn to accept it, educate ourselves, and rebuild our self esteem it is always there in the back of our minds somewhere. This board is to share stories, to vent, to try and get things out and due to the nature of the virus and the true reality that it can sometimes entail, some posts are bound to not be the most uplifting, but its reality. I feel there is a good balance of venting, negative, or scared posts to the ones trying to be positive, who share something good thats come out of all this, or those who write success stories. The board isn't intended to only be an inspirational herpes board, it is a herpes message board for all and anyone who needs to share or wants to be in contact with others in their own shoes.

If I start to get down by reading the posts from time to time I just dont come on for a few days until I feel like I want to check in again. Having herpes is something that affects all of us, no matter how positive you try and be about it, its not an easy thing to just accept, get over and live with from now on, for even the strongest of people. Its a constant thing in our lives and always will be, so no matter how sunny some of us try and make our dispositions, the reality of herpes is that its just not so cut and dry and "looking on the bright side" is not so easy a lot of the time. I feel the best thing to do is try and find things that make you truly happy, non related to anything to do with herpes at all and focus on those things when I am feeling bad about this. I also, like I said above, dont visit for a few days until I am feeling better about it, and it helps a lot. Hope today is a good day for you :)

Answer:
Quote from support1: "Is there anyone on this forum who has read posts and it sort of brought them down?"

YES, YES, AND YES. at times after being on this forum, I thought I was only torturing myself more. I attribute it to the fact that I am still on an emotional roller coaster (only 4 months in) and know that I really got through the past 4 months BECAUSE of this forum. I am glad that you are feeling better!

Answer:
Amen. I'm not an insensitive person, in fact, I think I've tried to be supportive of all those I've answered, but honestly, people, sometimes we just gotta lighten up a little. Yesterday I was about to start a thread of rant because I had just read for the hundredth time, "I just want my life back' and I started freaking out. Really. I scared myself. I was typing so fast the keys were smokin'. Maybe it's because I was cranky to begin with, but it's fortunate I was interrupted and couldn't finish the post because you all would have banned me from the site, I swear.

I know herpes sucks. Boy! Do I know herpes sucks. I just got over an ob that had me crying for my mama every time I had to pee. And I could sit here and feel sorry for myself until the cows come home, but it's not going to make me feel one iota better. A couple of beers might, but self pity is a damn poor substitute.

I've given it a lot of thought, though, and I think I understand why it seems to be so much harder for those who are younger than I (which includes almost everyone here, I think) to accept. It's all about experience. Life experience, I mean. When you're young (and I'm speaking generally here, so please, if you're under 35 and have had something truly horrible befall you, don't attack me. I'm not speaking about you) you really haven't had time to experience the things that really bring you to your knees and make you cry 'uncle'. You probably haven't buried your parents or a sibling, or (God forbid) your child. You haven't lost a spouse to illness or accident. You haven't had a chance to build a home and future only to have it all swept away by some unforseen catastrophe. I could go on, but you get the drift, right? It's all perspective. Having experienced some of those things, I can honestly say that comparitively speaking, herpes just isn't the worst thing that can happen, not by a long shot. There are much worse things out there, and as you get older, I hate to say it, but you'll be dealing with some of them up close and personal. We all do, sooner or later.

Please don't misunderstand me. I'm in no way making light of the toll, both physical and emotional, that being diagnosed with herpes can take on a person. I admit to a period of time when I felt just as crummy as everyone else does. But let's face it, at some point you have to just stop, and get on with it. "I just want my life back." Well, it never went anywhere. It is what it is, and you're living it right this moment. Make the best of it.
"Why did this happen to me?" Who knows? And in the end, why doesn't even matter. Even if we all knew why, we'd all still have the big H, and we'd all still be here bitching about it. I've never known one incidence when knowing why ever changed the what is.

I know all this makes me sound like an insensitive old crone, but really, if all of you were being honest (and I mean really honest), what would you say it is that depresses you here? For me, it's the level of self pity. Okay, I said it. And I understand it. I really do. But sometimes, maybe when you're feeling cranky like I was yesterday, don't you just want to say "Get over it"? I never will, I swear. I'll bite my tongue off first, or break my fingers so I can't type. But it crosses your mind, doesn't it? Or maybe you don't answer a post because you know you'll end up going ballistic on the person. Or is it really just me? Oh Lord, maybe I am just an insensitive old crone.

Anyway, I hope I haven't pissed everyone off, and that you'll let me stay. After reading so many of your posts, I've come to think of some of you as abstract friends, and finding my way to this site has been a good thing for me. Sorry this is so damn long. Help! I'm writing and I can't shut up!

Answer:
Writecll,
I Loved your post!

I stopped myself from creating a rant earlier this evening. I went out and watered the garden instead trying to chill myself out.
Maybe it's my turn to be cranky today?!?!

What's bothering me more than the people who are feeling sorry for themselves are the posters that act like they flippin' know it all!!

And while I'm at it...Why is it some poeple have to respond to every damn post??????? It yanks my fucking chain!

Ok..I'm going to stop now, but this a rant room and I'm cranky and feel like ranting!!!!

Answer:
"I've never known one incidence when knowing why ever changed the what is."

Wow thats good! Really you should copywrite that phrase or something, I really like it. :cool:

Answer:
writercll: i don't think you are insensitive, and your post was great. However, keep in mind, for the most part, those who write about "wanting their lives back", or feeling suicidal, etc. are almost 100% of the time newly diagnosed. If they cannot come to to this forum and write what they are feeling, where else will they go? For me, I ONLY have this forum, as I have not told a single person in my life that I have herpes.

Maybe it is self pity, but everybody is entitled to a little self pity every now and then. If it was continual, from the same poster, I could see many of us wanting to tell them to shut up and go away, mean as that sounds.

We are all here for moral support, guidance, information, compassion, etc. because we are all in the same situation.;)

Answer:
sometimes it can bring you down... but I think the forums represent the ups and downs of H pretty well. One day there is a post about climbing a mtn and never letting H win, and the next there is a post about life being over and done.

while H may not be the absolute worst thing that can happen (when you put it in perspective - and I am 35+), it can be the straw that broke the camel's back for some people. Everyone comes with a different toolbox to deal with stress and for some people their box is kind of empty. Maybe they haven't learned good ways of dealing or there have been so many hard life events that their supplies are running low.

Answer:
Well, I was expecting to be lambasted from every angle when I checked in here today, but you guys surprised me. Thanks for understanding what I was trying to say.

Bluefrog, you're right. Everyone is entitled to a little self pity now and then, no exceptions, and it really is only the ones who continually whine and moan that frost my ass. Like I said, when I was first diagnosed, I felt bad, too. I should have been more clear about that. Thanks for pointing it out.

Thiscantbe... loved your tool box analogy! That was a keeper. And you are also absolutely right. Like my husband used to say.. you gotta have the right tool for the right job. Some people just show up unprepared, and maybe that isn't their fault.