Question:
Some days i feel good ...some days i'm completly annoyed. No matter what, i'm changed for the rest of my life.
I'm pissed 'cause i didn't pushed my friend to wear the condom..not even a split second i was affected and didn't even knew this std existed...Oh yeah it became alive 2 days after...going thru ongoing fever and then the pain...scared to pee because of the sores...not knowing either that i was self infecting...it was all over my vagina...
Crazy it sounds i even took pictures of my 1st outbreak...it was plain digusting...i don't have that picture now....but i use to look at it all the time like i was punishing myself..and constant reminder of the unprotected sex i had with a dear friend long time of mine...who didn't even know that he had it.
Now he's not even talking to me anymore like i don't exist anymore...when it should be the opposite. But hey, we were both at fault..condom was not even a subjet then.

Wow, i can't even flirt too much anymore...scared to lead to something else...and if it's the opposite and a man is doing all the flirting , i'd be like "if you only knew what i got !!! " and that's when i get mixed feelings...partly feeling good inside 'cause they find me attractive..and partly sad...'cause i can't pursuit anything with knowing what i got...

I can't imagine to say each time to a man i'm feeling good about that i have Genital herpes...
I think i have enough infos for who ever wants to know...but it's just me.
I'm the one that can't accept this ordeal...i'm not comfortable to be intimate with any man...i will have that image in my head... infecting another person and that i wont forgive myself .

as we speak ...i'm itchy down there...and i just fiinshed off a 3 day prescription of valtrex..how the hell i'm feeling itchy......i don't know ...must be stress i know it's a trigger but can't help it

Answer:
Cutegal,

Do you feel that herpes changed the person that you are? Or just the way you will approach life now, more specifically, men and dating and sex?

I have days of depression and sadness and anger, and I also have days of lightheartedness as if nothing in the world is wrong. I am sure lots of us with the virus have all felt like this, especially us newbies.

I agree, when I am out and I get looks and men want to talk to me, it makes me feel good, but in my mind, I think, well, I have herpes, so this is def. not going anywhere. I am afraid to even give a guy my phone number.

I know this will change, as I get used to living with this virus, so for now, I just consider time for me to accept, cope and devote time to just me for me. No men, no sex, etc. until the time is right.

Hang in there, I am sure you are still the same person, with just an added something, that you, as I will, come to terms with some day!

Answer:
Bluefrog, thank you so much...your words are encouraging...i know i'm not the only one in the world feeling that way...but sometimes feels like it will never come to a end...

how long you have it now?

Answer:
eventually... you will realize... the only thing that has changed is your ability to say you are STD free.... the rest of life goes on as usual.... thankfully.... funny thing about having HSV is that you get to see who is into you when dating... and who just wanted some booty.... most of the time... booty doesn't want to go there... ;)

Answer:
I Totally agree with you...unbelievable...
when i'm ready i want someone to love for me ...and this bump in the road will only help me become very selective in what i want in a man....what an eye opener uh?
And i believe that things happens for a reason....even if i don't like what i'm going thru..

Answer:
Bluefrog, thank you so much...your words are encouraging...i know i'm not the only one in the world feeling that way...but sometimes feels like it will never come to a end...

how long you have it now? Cutegal, I have had herpes since April 2007. You???

Answer:
Wow..Me too!!! And you know what?? Got it on April 1st and was REALLY hoping someone would tell me to smile at the camera 'cause i was pranked.

Answer:
I couldn't imagine taking pictures of this, my first OB. Its tough - every time I have to go to the bathroom I feel so ashamed looking down at what I feel used to be an attractive body. I do feel lucky in that I haven't spread it to other parts of my body (knock on wood). I can't wait for this OB to end!!! I'm on strong intial doses of Acyclovir and it seems to be healing things a bit, now instead of oozing blisters, I see scabs.

Cutegal, I'm so new to this that I'm not sure I can even offer anything, but the one thought that keeps me going for now is that story I read on another site about how one partner was mustering the courage for "the talk" and the other partner was doing the same thing!! You sound like a coolgal too, so hang in there...maybe the guy who's hitting on you is one of us and he's taking a chance too!

On that note, this site continues to offer some comfort (as I sit here on my computer from 3AM to ?? because I can't sleep). I look at the PositiveSingles success stories as something I can hope for someday. And if those are fake, DON'T FRIGGIN TELL ME!! HA! HA!! But I know I have a lot of work to do before I can think of another relationship...

Answer:
PS - Unbelievable, your signoff is awesome!!

Someday I may care what they think of me... today is not that day.... tomorrow doesn't look good for them either....