Question:
when it comes to protecting my children as best as I can from herpes...there is always some ignorant person who will kiss you toddler, DESPITE THE FACT THEY HAVE BIG GNARLY SORES ON THEIR LIPS!!!

I am so pissed right now, and don't know what to do.

I go through great lengths to protect my kids (especially my toddler) from coming into contact with herpes. People know that I don't like for them to kiss all over him anyways...I dont' know why we as a society as whole feel it is necessary to kiss on other people children. Sure they are cute and cuddly, but that doesn't give carte blanche for a person to kiss your child.

My boyfriends family was in town this weekend. I noticed the 17 year old daughter had RAGING sores on her mouth. Ironically, my toddler kept running up to her and hugging her, as she is a nice girl, and good with kids. Very mellow. However, I am in a panic, watching her paw at her mouth , scratch at her sores and then hold my son.

We get back to our place, they went their way, and I give my toddler a bath. Just in case....

Later on, we meet up with said family members again....all goes well, then when we say good bye, she picks my baby up, hugs him and gives him a kiss on his cheek.

I was just in shock. I wanted to say something to her earlier about her problem (perhaps her own idiot parents have not clued her in on what her problem IS...like so many people, they think coldsores are NOT herpes) but there was never a right time to do it and I am not a totally heartless bitch....anybody else and I would have read them the riot act, but this is a nice young lady, and I wasn't going to embarrass her.

So here it is, the end of the evening, I feel good, and then she kisses the baby on the cheek. I didn't even say anything, I just took him and left. Got him home, got him bathed AGAIN and all soaped up (he had been playing in some dirt too, so he was pretty grimy as it was, but it was the kiss that made me freak.) He is so good, just sat there , we made a game of it, and tried to gently scrub him with soap and a washcloth. But I felt like crying.

My issue is this: even if you DO NOT have herpes 1....why in the FUCK would you kiss ANYBODY when you have big old disgusting sores all over your mouth!?!? Again, I do not 100% blame this 17 year old...even though she should know better....as much as I do the PARENTS!!!! I mean, wouldn't you say to your kids/teen...hey you got sores on your mouth, don't kiss anybody?? Especially children???

What is wrong with our society?? Seriously. I don't care if you have sores on your lips just because they are super chapped/sunburrned/windburned....there is NO NEED TO KISS SOMEBODY. Just common-fuckin-sense.

I am really upset. And really angry. There is nothing I can do at this point but hope that I cleaned him up in time and that his immune system is strong enough to stave off the virus and that maybe even some of my antibodies are left within him to fight off the virus as well. But it has made me sick to my stomach.

This is why sex and health education is so important in schools and NEEDS TO BE REVAMPED AS WELL, because obviously, there are too many parents out there NOT doing their job. Or perhaps before HAVING children we should all be required to take parenting classes and health classes as well. Whatever it is...this is my rant...I am pissed off, I am upset, I am spitting fucking nails right now and i feel very helpless. I have made my peace with the fact that I have hsv 1 AND 2....I go to the outer lengths to protect my children from it. I have developed OCD due to this condition and my fears of transmission. I have even made peace with that (if there is such a thing.)

But I can't deal with stupid, ignorant people anymore.

For everybody in the world...KEEP YOUR FUCKIN' LIPS OFF OTHER PEOPLE'S CHILDREN. No matter how cute they are. I don't kiss any children other than my own, and THEN only because I know when and when I am not having an outbreak. And I have a vague idea of when I "might be " having an outbreak. Regardless, they are mine and I will determine what is right or wrong in regards to my children. I now feel like that inherent right was taken from me for a brief instance.

Well, I will be keeping a close eye on things for the next MONTH. Let's hope the baby will be ok.

Answer:
i had a boyfriend once that got mad at me when i wouldnt kiss his mom on the cheaks like other "spanish" girls do ~~ im white~~ he thought it was because of my race that i would show affection. a) i dont like anyones mom that much to kiss them. b) i dont kiss anyone but the person im intimate with, and my cat c) things spread! i dont know anything about where the mom has been or if shes got something. when im at the doctor i can literaly see the germs floating in the air when people cough- when my sister sneezes in the car i have to stick my head out of the window or hold my breath till i think its safe.

i totally agree with you, especially now that i have herpes, theres no way someone is kissing my child, or kissing me on the cheek when you say hi, im not french i dont play that way.

Answer:
Damn that insane. You would think the person would have the common decentsy (sp?) to just keep that shit to themselves and becareful. I do agree with you on the sex ed because in the 15 years of school i've gone through, now senior in college, i have never been in sex ed or had any education of diseases. I know of the diseases and how to practice safe sex but maybe if i wasnt ignorant to the statistics i would have kept my dick in my pants alot more.

But next time you come in contact with that girl you should bring it up. If you stay quiet the next time you, her and your baby are together its just as much your fault, if you dont tell her. Dont mean to be harsh but you have to speak up, cause if you baby could im sure she'd tell that dumb bitch to get off her.

Answer:
You have to speak up for your baby because he can't do it himself & if something happens you will never be able to forgive yourself. You can be very polite about it. I blame society because I have had cold sores on my lip for as long as I can remember but never knew they were herpes. I was never taught that in school. In school I was taught to always wear a condom during sex & wouldn't catch anything but guess what I caught HSV2 with a condom on.

Answer:
I understand your concern for your baby. I really do, and I wouldn't want someone with sores on their face to kiss my child either. But what you're leaving out of the equation is the very basic human need to touch and to show affection.

Granted, people with sores on their faces shouldn't be kissing anyone, much less a child with a not fully developed immune system, and you have the right (and the obligation) to protect your child from them. It's not that they mean any harm, they're just not aware of the dangers it may pose. Ignorance is curable. Educate them.

Neither should we end up being SO paranoid of human contact that we deny ourselves (and, yes, our children, too) the emotional satisfaction of giving and receiving physical affection (ie. hugs and kisses). It's too important, and it's something we all need, especially children. There has to be a balance between our paranoia and our willingness to touch and let ourselves be touched. Extremes of any kind are unhealthy, and that applies to our fear of contamination, as well.

Answer:
A person's feelings born out of ignorance vs a baby contracting a permanent contagious socially hampering stigmatizing disease with many possible long and short term complications...

I had to double check to make sure this was ouch!

Is that you ouch? Mama Bear ouch that doesn't put up with shit or let herpes get between her and her kids?

Do what you gotta do, whatever you have to do to not let that shit fly. I'd grab my kid away from a herpes ulcerated mouth like it was a red hot stove. I'm not kidding and I'm not exagerating. I've been through too much shit with this herpes crap that I don't give a rats ass about hurting someone's feelings when they are about to infect MY child. Even if the person with herpes is just ignorant, they need to be schooled and if their parents or teachers or doctors won't school them then the real world will school them hard. And since the real world schooled them by giving them herpes and they STILL don't understand... then maybe they need a wake up call in the form of ouch telling them what exactly it is that that they have - HERPES! Or just tell them - don't kiss my child! You don't have to say "herpes" - just say "DON'T KISS MY CHILD"!

When they play the guilt game that you're the bad guy, turn it on them and ask why they would risk giving your child a herpes. Truth hurts but you aren't the one doing the hurting ouch. And don't feel bad because you had to do what you had to do! It's already wasn't worth letting them kiss your kid because it has affected you strongly already.

Answer:
Ouch, I agree with you 100%. I always hated when people in the stores or anywhere for that matter, touched my children. It always seemed that stores were the worst. I would wipe down the seat and portions of the store carriages that my children would come in contact with and not because of herpes (that never crossed my mind) but just because I was always a germ freak. I am even more so now since contracting herpes (all because I trusted somebody and was ignorant to catching anything). If my kids were young today, and I was in this situation, I am certain I would be taken away many a time in a straight jacket. I do not allow my kids to use public water fountains, touch public surfaces, I have taught them to not use their hands/fingers to push elevator buttons, touch railings, etc.

I do hope that your child did not contract anything. I would also contact that family and gently speak with them (now that some time has passed) about what happened. Maybe they are clueless to herpes???? Point is, they need to be aware, not only to protect you and your family, but everybody the young girl comes in contact with.

Answer:
for letting me rant, and for the support...I feel better knowing I am not alone in feeling/thinking this way. I don't care if people I tell not to kiss my baby think I am a bitch...they can think I am the wicked Bitch of the west, east, north and south. DON'T CARE.

BUT...JRTJRT you are right...Mama Bear Ouch faltered....all day I had made sure this gal did NOT kiss the baby, and she didn't (although she kept pawing at this monster sores on her lips) and I did want to pull her aside and say, hey look , I need to talk to you...let me help you but never got a chance. I wanted to be firm, but subtle at the same time.

But then, at the very last moment...BAM...she pecked him on the cheek. It was so upseting. I grabbed the baby, carried him off to the car, and wiped his little cheeks down with baby wipes. THEN once I finally got back home I gave him yet ANOTHER bath.

Under any other circumstances, I would have been like "HEY...DO NOT KISS MY KID and DO NOT TOUCH HIM FOR THAT MATTER...go wash your hands first."

That was a big reason why I was so upset. Not just at her and her parents and sex education and the world...but with ME for not being...well...ME.

I KNOW there are many many people out there (like desperate and myself at onetime) who think coldsores is something DIFFERENT from herpes. And not contagious. My own mother was ignorant of this until I told her...and I am glad I did....so now she knows what to look for as well, should somebody want to kiss her grandbabies.

And while I appreciate peoples' need for human touch/contact....we don't need to do so with big blistering sores on our mouths. I don't care WHO the person is. And again, I should have said something, so I do blame myself for not being more vociferous about the topic .

I have been watching and looking for any tell tale signs of facial outbreak on the baby. Again, I hope that I perhaps cleaned him up good, thoroughly and in time before it had spread to him. Never again will I be quiet...I don't care WHO gets upset and WHOSE family member it is. It isn't worth all this stress..


Thanks again you all for your words and your support.

Hugs
Ouch

Answer:
Ouch, I agree with you 100%. I always hated when people in the stores or anywhere for that matter, touched my children. It always seemed that stores were the worst. I would wipe down the seat and portions of the store carriages that my children would come in contact with and not because of herpes (that never crossed my mind) but just because I was always a germ freak. I am even more so now since contracting herpes (all because I trusted somebody and was ignorant to catching anything). If my kids were young today, and I was in this situation, I am certain I would be taken away many a time in a straight jacket. I do not allow my kids to use public water fountains, touch public surfaces, I have taught them to not use their hands/fingers to push elevator buttons, touch railings, etc.

I do hope that your child did not contract anything. I would also contact that family and gently speak with them (now that some time has passed) about what happened. Maybe they are clueless to herpes???? Point is, they need to be aware, not only to protect you and your family, but everybody the young girl comes in contact with.
yeah, I would totally tell this gal...problem is the live in another state, and we don't talk to them much. They were in town visiting and we had not seen them since last year or so. ANd to add fuel to the fire, they are my boyfriends relatives, so there is always THAT weirdness to deal with as well.....had it been a family member of mine or friend, I know I could have easily said something, or if it was a stranger or aquaintance. But I think that because it was HIS family, it made me hesitate in saying anything. I was playing too nice.

Now, rather than being proactive when it happened (or before it had happened) I am being REACTIVE and stewing about it. But believe me, next time they are in town...I am going to have a chat with her. NOt in a mean way, but definitely open her eyes.

I am a germ freak too Bluefrog. It is funny, with my older child...I was fine...but when I had this baby, something in my snapped. My germphobia reached new levels. (I didn't have hsv2 when I had my first child either and I know this has played a roll in my increased phobias/fears). I am always paranoid of somehow, someway, something spreading to him.

Then THIs happens. ugh. I needed this like a hole in the head.

Well, keep your fingers crossed for me, and for my little one. hopefully, he has super skin/super immune system and will be ok!! ;-)