Question:
I have been married for 4 years, and have been together for almost 7 years, but currently we are going through a divorce. We have been seperated for almost a year. The last time I had sex with him was last august. Currently I have a boyfriend, we have been friends for awhile, and dating for about 8 months, he has gotten tested every year and nothing has come up positive. Unfortunetly the last time i was tested was about 4 years ago, and I was clean. About three weeks ago i went back home for a week for my sisters wedding, she has herpes, and has had them for a while. After I returned from there about a week and a half later I went to the doctors because I was having pain having sex. When they tried to examine me, I cried because my vigina was so swollen. The doctor told me she was going to check me for std's. She also mention, you don't have herpes, but I do see an ingrown hair, also I had a hemroid, and a tear on my butthole. They gave me some medicine, and a cream. Later on the very night I looked in the mirror and I had zits all around my butthole, and my buttcrack. The zits got bigger and spread to my vigina within 2 days. I went to the obgyn and she looked at it quickly and told me that I had herpes. THERE IS NO WAY!!! I didn't sleep with anybody else, and I didn't even kiss anybody else. I know my partner didn't do anything behind my back. He keeps telling me it's not herpes, I could have been misdiagnosed, but I had all the signs and symptoms. We both think that the only way I could have gotten it was from my sister, but how? I don't understand, can please someone explain this to me? P.S. sorry this letter is so long.

Answer:
I have been married for 4 years, and have been together for almost 7 years, but currently we are going through a divorce. We have been seperated for almost a year. The last time I had sex with him was last august. Currently I have a boyfriend, we have been friends for awhile, and dating for about 8 months, he has gotten tested every year and nothing has come up positive. . Have you actually seen his test results? Was he actually tested for herpes--most tests don't include herpes unless it's specifically demanded and sometimes not even then.

I know my partner didn't do anything behind my back. If it was behind your back how would you know?

Answer:
he is in the service and they get tested for all that kind of stuff once a year.

Answer:
Id ask to see his results personally and if he was in fact tested via herpes BLOOD testing then he shouldnt have anything to worry about and should be more than obliging to obtain and show you the results. Some men get swabbed to check annually for certain stds.......problem is that they think they have been tested for "all stds" when in reality they have NEVER een tested for herpes and are given a false sense of being "clean" from all stds as a result.

Also, it can take months sometimes for antibodies to show up in the blood. And there is a good chance you had this before getting married and just never had symptoms........you need to go back and obtain your records to see if you too were checked for herpes via blood testing. Have your new b/f get tested too.........he could have it and never knew. Blood testing current for everyone is a must.

Answer:
...yes, and there was already a case on the site where a female thought she was "safe" because she was dating somebody in the service. She still got infected. How many people would be in the service if they screened out people with HSV...

Answer:
Hi

I would ask him to see the results...

also, keep in mind..... my infector showed me a tampered lab sheet result..... be smart. I highly doubt you got it from your sister.....i think you have a better change getting hit by lightning

Answer:
I feel like I am walking around with a big H on my forehead, I dn't want to touch anybody, I am very careful as to what I touch. I wipe down the toilet seats after I use them, I don't want anybody using my towel. I don't even want to pick up little kids. I love inneracting with kids, but i am so affraid of them getting what I have. I feel like I horrible person. I don't even want to have sex. This doesn't make since, if he has had this std I would have broken out a long time ago, or if I was to have had it, I would have broken out a long time ago. I broke out and then he had a few very very small bumps on his penis, but now it is gone. What if I have had it and didn't know, and I gave it to him. I have so many questions as to how I could have gotten it, who could have given it to me, but I guess it really doesn't make a difference now, I have it and now I have to deal with it. I just don't know how to go about life. I feel like no matter how good of a person I am, someone or something has to kick me down. When is it going to be my turn for happiness, true uninterupted happiness? What if me and my boyfriend decide to break up, I will never have sex with anyone again, I could live with the fact that I am the reason they are in pain. I don't really know what kind of response I'm looking for, I'm just venting, I can't stop thinking about this. Thank you for reading and responding, I just feel like I can't talk to anyone, I don't want anybody to know that I have it, I feel disgusting as it is, I don't need to have loved ones look at me that way too.

Answer:
The first noble truth in Buddhism is "Life's not fair."

It's not much, but that got me through a LOT of hard times, not just H. If you can try to accept the fact that life really just is NOT fair, that you are not 'entitled' to your period of 'true uninterupted happiness', it helps the disappointment when you don't get it. How boring would life be without a challenge or two? How would you ever grow as a person?

I know you're feeling down, and i know i'm not much help, but if you can avoid being disappointed, it might help. :(