Question:
I was diagnosed on Saturday and whilst I fully understand the shock that accompanies this, I don't understand the attitude of anger or blame that either other sufferes feel or are told they should feel. My parents desperately want me to blame my long-term boyfriend for giving me herpes. They say they hate him (even more) for giving me this and honestly want me to deprive myself of one person who is giving me unbiased and non-judgemental support during a very painful OB.

Why? How does that help me, us, or anyone else suffering from herpes? He gave it to me. So what? I knew he had coldsores cause I helped him deal with a painful one he had. Neither of us was aware it could spead to nether regions, neither of us knew it could spread even when there as no sign of the virus. So I guess it was inevitable that I got it and unfortunate that I got genital herpes and not what he had.

So what? Anger, resentment, hatred... none of that helps me cope with the pain, or the fear of going to the GUM clinic to check out if I have anything else. All it does is put me under more stress and make my symptoms even worse. All it does is drive me away from my parents - hurling abuse at someone I love is not a way to endear me to them now is it? All it does is make me feel guilty for the fact that my sex-ed was woefully inadequate and I believed what I was told.

Herpes hurts. It's embarrassing. But it won't kill you, interfere with your fertility or harm your child (unless you have a primary OB in the last trimester). It's also exceedingly common with estimates that up to 80% of people over the age of 50 have antibodies to either type 1 or 2 in their blood. Thousands of people don't know they have it because they are asymptomatic. Most type 1 is given to people by their parents, siblings or friends before they are aged 12...

The plain fact of the matter is that herpes is hard to guard against, hence 45 million odd Americans infected with it. Much sex-ed doesn't go into enough detail about any STD, hence the perception that cold sores are completely different and less harmful than GH. Many STD test batteries don't actually test for herpes. The ads we have in the UK for Zovirax don't mention that it can spread asymptomatically or that it can be transferred to the genital area.

With the amount of people infected, the only sure fireway to avoid it is to either be celibate or engage in romantic or sexual activites through several lyers of latex or polyurethane. I can't live like that, and I'm not going to. To those who say i should have waited til I was married to have sex... if I did get it from my BF, even if we were married I would still be in this condition because he got it from his MOTHER.

I have herpes. Herpes herpes herpes. It hurts to do pretty much anything. But it'll go away. There are a hell of a lot of ther things that will hurt more, for longer and be far more serious. My best friend died this summer at the age of 23 from a broken ankle. I refuse to define myself by my herpes or act like a victim because it's not beneficial. So why are people trying to make me do just that?

Life kills, herpes just feels like it does. And then it goes away.

Answer:
I thought that was a great post!