Question:
When I was diagnosed with GHSV-2 I swore to myself that I would never sleep with anyone without telling them first.

I assumed that anyone who was diagnosed with this would make the same pact with themselves. (the guy who gave it to me was not aware he had gotten it; he was compltely aware that he was cheating on me while getting it, though).

I felt comfortable enough to open up to my friends as well as my parents about the whole thing. I was a wreck and needed every ounce of support I could find. I thought I was so lucky to have know such understanding people. I was wrong.

I learned quickly that I could not date anyone my friends know, (sure she's cool --- but she's got HERPES). I also learned that most guys these days don't wanna talk to you if ya don't sleep with them within two weeks. Most importantly - people are misinformed (about herpes, and probably about their own "clean" status); and people are lying and totally okay with it.

Ever since I learned that I had this I knew it was never an option to hide it from a partner. I knew that I never wanted anyone to hate me as much as I hate the guy who did this to me. Somehow, through this quest to do the right thing I ended up hating myself.

My life is a mess besides the whole herpes thing.

My career is in the toilet --- I had to give up what I love doing.

I feel like my personality must be so hideous that herpes makes me automatically dismissable to any guy.

I'm beginning to believe that I don't deserve love.

Most days I believe that I was never supposed to be here in the first place.

Answer:
Bella,

You are great and you've come to the conclusion that most good hearted herpes victims eventually come to and that is to be truthful. Not so truthful that it may limit your career (that is unless you are in adult entertainment), but truthful with your friends (just the close ones), family, and partners. Unfortunately most "friends" have some pretty big damn mouths.
Most importantly, there is a great herpes community out there to support you. If you are feeling unloved or unlovable, reach out. Get onto MPWH and find a boyfriend with herpes who understands what you are going through. Attend local functions and group outings.
I am so greatful to have a girlfriend from MPWH who understands my neurotic herbal pill popping, my "hey do you think this is an outbreak" questions, my "sorry not for a while" response, and who is simply there for me when I need her.
You're not worthless, you were meant to be here, and if anything, you are probably now more accurately focused on why you are here than before you were infected. I hope it felt good to vent, but I highly recommend getting involved and if necessary some St. Johns Wort or other brain candy to help pick you up.
I've got some treatment ideas on my blog at Ultimate Herpes Cure. If you are having outbreaks, perhaps something there can help you reduce those. Once the outbreaks are gone, I've noticed that so do the feelings of worthlessness and dispair.

Good luck,
Herpescure

Answer:
Herpescure,

Just so you know, you misspelled herpes in the URL to your website. I think you meant http://ultimateherpescure.com.

Answer:
herpescure~

thanks for the kind words, they picked up my spirit. Oh, and I wanted to be clear about the job thing - no one at my work knew (not in the habit of talking about my ailments at work). It's just that I was a professional chef --- as a chef you work 60-80 hours a week, in a 110 degree kitchen, in an EXTREMELY stressful work situation (that's the nature of the five-star professional kitchen), was not given health insurance (the more upscale a restaurant you go to, the less you get paid, and there's NO HEALTH INSURANCE offered at most five-star restaurants).

Ever work in a hot sweaty 110 degree kitchen, with painful blisters, knowing that they won't go away anytime soon because either you can't afford the medicine or ya just don't have time to go to the pharmacy b/c you're working 80 hours a week; and knowing that if you take a sick day you will be fired and instantly replaced, (there's been a couple of times that I had the flu, puked my guts out during service, and had to go back to the line). If you take a sick day, all of your fellow kitchen workers will hate you or be after your position on the line. The heat & stress gave me so many outbreaks that i had to quit. I had to quit what I have the most passion about in this world.

Seriously, folks --- fuck the waiters, tip the kitchen.

Answer:
Belladonna, I understand your love of the profession... I'm a cook, too. Not a chef in a five star restaurant (worked in a restaurant and hated it for all the reasons you mentioned), but I did continue cooking in another, really great environment... a private school. Now I make up the menu (took a nutrition course), order all the food and supplies, and cook for about 200 kids and staff everyday. I work year-round, the kitchen is air conditioned, the pace is relaxed, the kids are a hoot, and I don't have anyone breathing down my back anymore. Plus, I get medical benefits, vacation and sick time, and even more important, appreciation for what I do.

Don't give up what you love. Find another way to do it. And just because it's another environment, doesn't mean you have to give up your creativity. For me, it's always a challenge to keep the menu interesting and varied, and prepare food for that many without it tasting like institution food.

There are other ways to keep doing what you enjoy without killing yourself in the process. If cooking is what you love, keep cooking. Just find somewhere else to do it. Fancy restaurants are only fancy for the ones sitting in the dining room. For those behind the scenes, it's a sweat shop. Who needs it? ;)