Question:
Hi, i hope you can help me as i dont know where to turn for advice. The situation is that im in a long distance sexual relationship with a woman whom i have been seeing for over a year. We began dating in sept 2006 and have had intercourse since. However in May 2007, she had an outbreak of Herpes and subsequently passed it on to me and had my first outbreak. I am worried as I have read that people get there first symptoms 7-12days after contracting Herpes, so im wondering how come I didnt get any symptoms/attack previous to May, when i had my first outbreak. She told me that she has never had an outbreak before and that her previous partner must have given it to her. Her previous relationship ended over two years ago. I know that her immune system is sub-normal as she gets ill frequently (im helping her with boosting her immune system) Could it be that she may have been unfaithful, contracted the virus and had an outbreak? As surely if her immunity is weaker than normal, she would have had more outbreaks inthe times she was single (im aware of the spinal root ganglion and its dormancy). I did think that could have been me? But I have never had any symptoms or outbreaks in my life (i am 29 years of age) until May this year. Please help, any advice would be greatly appreciated. Please do not worry, I am a rational man. I just need to figure things out and hopefully your advice can help me.

Answer:
It's possible she had extra-relationship affairs, but it's also possible she HAS been having outbreaks since she contracted it and she just didn't recognize them for what they were. It's also possible that illness is not her trigger -- maybe stress is more her trigger. But i don't think you can ASSUME she's been cheating. Herpes strikes anywhere, anytime, to anyone, and it's really hard to make ANY assumptions at all!

Answer:
hi catiesmom, thanks for respondiing. I understand what you have written, im not a person that makes assumptions, as i like to have evidence. You've written about stress as a trigger factor, which i too have read about, however my girl went through 10 days of "hell" due to her final exams Dec 2006, and didnt get an outbreak (I should have wriiten this in the first post) I know this as i was the receiving end of most of it..which is cool, as that what partners do, they help. But her May outbreak was around the time when she had exams too, but these were not as stressful as the 2006 exam period. Also regarding symptoms, we spoke about whether if she had any sort of the numerous symptoms, prior to her May outbreak. The reason why im finding this hard to come to terms with is that, she had no symptoms, outbreaks or anything up and till May 2007. I ve being trying to rule out all possibilities and facts etc but Im having thoughts (not doubts) about what could have happened. I do love her, and im trying to find all i can before i decide whether to ask her or whether to bury this somewhere deep in my brain. The reason why i want to find out all i can is that if i ask her now, and that if she is innocent, then i risk jeopordising the relationship... I ll be honest that im finding it hard to come to terms with that ive become affected, and that im now a "statisitic".. if anybody can advise on how to deal with this feeling-it will be greatly appreciated.. thank you again catiesmom. :)

Answer:
I had my first classic ob about 10 years after being infected. Before that I had minor irritations that I saw many dr's for and they always discounted it as nothing.

The thing that prompted my first ob was not regular stress, which I encounter on a daily basis, but a situation where I lost someone I loved and the stress from my heartache caused the symptoms and they were extreme.

She could have had a magical combination of factors that triggered the ob.

Honesty is crucial in any relationship that has any staying power. I'd question why you don't trust her? If you can't ask her if she has seen anyone else and believe her when she answers then the hsv is not the real problem it is more about trust.