Question:
hi there all.. I need some advice/help. I caught herpes type 2 from my girlfriend, I love her to bits and we plan to have a life together. Iam writng on here as I am finding it very hard to come to terms that i have this disease that will be with me forever, i feel like i have become a statisitc and it depresses me. I try to cope with it and i normally can, but when i see adverts on tv, or when im reading i come across STD section in my health science books, i get depressed and angry also, the anger is within and i dont express it, as i dont want to make my girl feel bad. I ve tried talking to her, but it doesn't help... something seems to come up. Even when she says we'll talk about later or something she forgets about my feelings. I know I should be able to talk about this with her, but I find it hard just to talk about how im feeling about it, i need to be strong for the both of us, but inside im sad and I dont know what to do.. please help.

Answer:
Hey,

From my experience, you have got to talk. It is impossible to hold it in. Even if your girlfriend will not talk to you, pour it out here.

The first weeks, and months to some people are really hard. Many abrupt and shocking changes in your mind occur. Some people alter their entire lives. The good thing is that even though you now have herpes, the rough times do not last forever. If your relationship is true, then it will strengthen the love at the end of the bad time.

I am sorry that you have caught it. However, catching in catching it from your girlfriend, did she know and not tell, or was she upfront and it was by chance? If she is avoiding the issue, is it from fear, embarassment, or guilt? All of these questions have an answer, and finding out these answers, if you do not know already, will help in coping.

I got sick and lost 8 pounds from 170 to 162 in trying to hold everything in for three months. My feelings festered and I had a great amount of animosity towards her. Then only thing that solved it was moving out. Then again, I was living with the girl and we had broken up at the beginning, while she was starting to date other guys while I was living there.

Do not hold it in if you feel that you can't handle it. We are here to listen. To help.

Best Regards

Answer:
If you plan to make a life with this girl, then the herpes thing will have to become a non-issue. Otherwise, every time you have an ob, it will set off that little resentful time bomb festering inside you. Like Movingbackward said, the only way to work it out is to talk it out.

Find a setting where there's nothing to do but talk... a restaurant, a walk in the woods, a long drive in the country... wherever, and make it plain that this is something you NEED to do if your relationship is going to survive long term. Don't accuse, don't assign blame, and don't lose your temper. And when SHE talks, listen. How she feels about the situation is just as important as how you feel. She may be having serious issues of her own, like feeling guilty about infecting you, that she's having trouble expressing, and that's why she avoids talking about it.

I know it's hard, but communication is the keystone of any healthy relationship. Without it, you're acting on assumptions about what the other person is thinking and feeling, and generally those assumptions are wrong. Be gentle, be sincere, and be honest, and I think she'll open up. Good luck. I hope things work out well for you both.

Answer:
Time is one of the greatest healers. ...if you are anything like me, that is not the answer your looking for ...I prefer to have my pain harsh, to the point and over with forever ...unfortunately, sometimes it leads me to have to clean up a mess made via my mouth. I mean saying hurtful things that I feel horrible about or regret later. If I hold things in long enough I will puke them out on people I'm becoming resentful towards and not even remember what I said SCARY!! THis has taught me if I'm feeling at peace with who I am, my decisions, actions and acknowledge what I feel I need to TALK ABOUT THE FEELINGS THEN! DON"T LET THEM FESTER! SAY WHAT YOU HAVE TO SAY IN A PEACEFUL LOVING MANNER WHILE YOU STILL CAN! If you hold on to it it gets ugly and will result in a physical alteration (an outbreak or weight gain/loss, zits, a cold whatever) and/or emotional alterations ...the longer its in your head the longer you head has to play with it, justify your actions (making you believe you are saint like and it's ALWAYS the other person with the problem, etc). Our minds do junk like this to protect us but be careful ...don't sit on emotions.

When all else fails: We will listen.
God luck my friend!

meme

Answer:
hey guys thank you for your advice.. :) it feels relieving to know that you guys are here to help.. Regarding the way i feel, i guess its more so anger, anger in that i have this thing in me, anger because in all my life i have been so careful in what i do, dont gt me wrong im no control freak or anything, but i have always tried to protect myself, for example....I know that my immune system is key to my health so i eat healthy and drink lots of fluids and stay fit, with regards to previous partners, i always used protection and never played around as in being a 'player'...i've always tried to do that what is right for me and keep me safe, however with herpes i feel all that i did in the past was of no use, i feel penetrated, unclean and violated.
Regarding my girlfriend, i love her to bits, and want to grow old with her...however a key thing in our relationship is that its long distance. We both know that we are going to get hitched as i plan to move to her once i ve finished uni, so writercll wrote, its kind of hard to be alone with her, the only way we communicate is via the phone, that alone is hard and doesnt really help, as when i feel down, all i really wantg to do is be with her. I do feel anger towards her in that she gave me this, i do feel anger with regards to her ex and i do feel anger in her choice of her ex, but these things i could never talk to her about (I must state here that im not a violent person in any way, im very rational and a thinker, and for the record, im totally against any abuse in any form)....... i guess i get frustrated also because i cant fix this problem, this virus will always be apart of me. I also get worried about this herpes thing because i think of the future and having children. I know that the disease cant be passed from mother to fetus during gestation, but there is a risk during childirth and how caesarin is an optionis there is an outbreak during labour. But what about asymptomatic shedding, is there a risk spreading the disease from mother to child (i know similar thoughts are with my girl). Another reason as to why i get frustrated, depressed and angry (internally) is that though its be almost 2 months since i contracted it, my genital region doesnt feel the same as it did.. i know thats a weird thing to say, physically it looks normal, but area feels strange, itches, twitches (not on the penis or the scrotum) on the surrounding area, its like the whole area has an altered sensation (i understand the anatomy and related patholgy), but its these sensations there that bother me.

As I stated before in how i always tried to protect myself especially down there, especially because of the STD's that are out, but having contracted it and had an outbreak and all the associated problems...this is what is making me feel like crap....im so sorry, i now that i have written an novel, but this is how i feel. I hope it helps you guys better understand me and better advise me :)

Answer:
Hey, don't be sorry you wrote a novel, haha. Speaking your mind really makes it better for you and for everyone who reads so that they can get a grasp of what is really going on. Spill it all out.

I feel the same way about everything too. I never had a problem with anger until this situation happened, never had a problem with many things until herpes brought them out. I view it this way though, if the detrimental aspects of my personality had not been brought out now, then I would have ruined far better relationships than the one that was negative for me. I hope that is what you can see as well, or that your situation is true and complete with your girlfriend.

I was careful, so careful too. And now look where we are. Here, (in a good place), but here nonetheless.

I do feel anger towards her in that she gave me this, i do feel anger with regards to her ex and i do feel anger in her choice of her ex, but these things i could never talk to her about (I must state here that im not a violent person in any way, im very rational and a thinker, and for the record, im totally against any abuse in any form)....... i guess i get frustrated also because i cant fix this problem, this virus will always be apart of me. However, I do disagree that you feel that you can't talk about the situation in a good way. Be rational, and never violent, but things inside must come out some way (unless you are the truly gifted person that can dissolve all conflict inside, which you could be :)) but if you are not, I really think that it will build up inside of you. Make your own judgements, especially because the relationship is long distance, but think of yourself and your own well being too. This is a major change, and who you were before this happened may not be strong enough to deal with it. I know that I was not strong willed enough, and I tried for three months. But that was my experience, and yours may be completely different.

Best Regards, and I hope everything works out great.