Question:
My wife and I separated almost 3 yrs ago , we are going to try and spend the day together tomorrow and see where things go.My question is do I tell her ,when ,how and what!!I want to tell her because I know she should know,but i'm afraid it'll wreck any progress we me make.She could have been the one who gave it to me since we did have sex several times over the 3 years.She claims she hasn't been with anyone else I want to believe her but have some doubt since she did hang with this asshole(who was part to blame on this whole mess)He was at her place a few times and she was there a couple of times and I seen them together a couple times.my friends have said don't be so nieve(stupid) of couse she fu--ed him.The other person I thought I may have got it from insists not and got checked(no blood test thoughsince I last talked to her)I was gonna maybe tell her in a week or so when I see how things"work out"By the way I did tell her a while back that I wasn't with anyone so I did lie too.Lieing is not my nature in fact I hate liars and cheats ,I am basically a very honest person and truely believe in "what comes around goes around"and try not to wrong anyone.I lied at that time because I knew it would wreck the moment then.and that was months ago.This herpes shit has just happened recently and we haven't "tryed any thing "(working on the relationship) in many months.I don't think it was wrong for me to find "relief" once in a while since we were apart for a long time and I am (was) a horny guy...as most are(was I meant I always was especially for her but since I got the news of H I was pissed off & disgusted with sex.......but now am slowly starting to accept things and want to have sex again)When I do pls tell me I don't have to wear a condom down the road when I get into a serious relationship if I don't have any sores of course ! thanks and I look forward to hearing your advice or suggestions especially from faith and pilot all others are welcome too of course.

Answer:
I'm new to all this ,have done a ton of reading but still not sure on this..............this is my first OB everything now is healed and looks good on my penis but I still get a tingling feeling there once or twice a day,is this always gonna be there or is it an OB trying to happen but all the treatments...vitmins,l lisine,herbs and got 4 more valtrex pills to take, stopping it ,should I have sex?

Answer:
Hi Mrniceguy,

Even when you don't have any symptom (tingling, pain, blister, etc.), the virus can be still shed. So it's important for you and partner to talk about it, are ready for the risk, before you have sex.
After that, it's up to you guys' choice. Some still want to use condom to reduce the risk to minimum, some want to have sex without condom regardless of the risk.

You just had the first outbreak, right? The initial one is usually the worst. And it lasts long. So.. you still get tingling, or feel another one coming,..... it's very usual. Your body didn't develope antibodies yet.
But as you get recurrences, the symptom will get milder in most cases. Duration will be shorter, too. And more you know about your body, soon it'll be managable to some extent.

You should wait to have sex till all the symptom is gone, to reduce the risk to minimum. When the blister becomes a scab, it's consider to be finished... virus is not shedding anymore. You are supposed to be pain free, and tingling free at that point..
I would wait to have sex if I still get tingling. I think it'll soon heal completely.

You just tell your wife all the facts, and how you feel about it. You don't have to hide anything, you don't have to decorate your words. If you are sad, tell her you are sad. If you have doubt (that she might have it and gave it to you) in your mind, tell her so, just sincerely. She might get upset, but when you are being honest, things can't go wrong. She will eventually understand the whole situation, and will do whatever she has to do about it.

Don't worry.... Right now, you may feel down and feel everything is a mess. You may feel that you are in a thick fog. But soon, it'll clear up, and you'll start feeling positive again. Having herpes ain't that bad..... in fact, it sometimes removes unnecessary and complicated stuff from your life. You'll see.....<smile>

Best wishes..

Faith

Answer:
I don't see why you'd need to tell her about herpes immediately. I think if you start feeling like the relationship has serious potential, then you could tell her.
As for wanting to have sex without a condom, you should let that be up to your partner. I can tell you that it's awful as a woman having herpes. Not that it's easy for a man, but I've had internal inflammation and pain that I wouldn't wish on anyone. If you really want to have sex without a condom, maybe you could consider dating someone else who has HSV.

Answer:
When I do pls tell me I don't have to wear a condom down the road when I get into a serious relationship if I don't have any sores of course Well, its really up to you and your partner. I mean no, you don't have to wear a condom, but not because there is absolutely no risk, just because you and your partner would rather accept the risk, and enjoy sex more maybe without condoms, then always wear condoms, and not enjoy sex quite as much but yet stay HSV free.

Its really just something that you decide with your partner.

Answer:
Well, its really up to you and your partner. I mean no, you don't have to wear a condom, but not because there is absolutely no risk, just because you and your partner would rather accept the risk, and enjoy sex more maybe without condoms, then always wear condoms, and not enjoy sex quite as much but yet stay HSV free.

Its really just something that you decide with your partner.[/quote]


And make sure your partner understands the pain and suffering they'll encounter if they do get it. I'm sorry but it makes me mad when people
are selfish about enjoying sex at the expense of spreading herpes. I'm sure I'll get all these angry responses about how it's nothing so horrible and you should be able to have a full life. It's unfortunate that we are limited but for someone who is clean, we should protect them as we wish others had for us.

Answer:
And make sure your partner understands the pain and suffering they'll encounter if they do get it. Well, you have to be careful with this, because honestly... its not pain and suffering for everyone....

Answer:
[quote="MC37 Pilot"] "Well, you have to be careful with this, because honestly... its not pain and suffering for everyone...." Yes, I understand that a lot of people have no symptoms or suffering. But,
if it does end up a bad case, it's permenant. So, it's good to be brutally honest with a partner of the risks. If they choose the risk, that's thier choice. But, I can honestly say, If I ever would have been asked, I would never have opted for this.
I didn't know I had herpes when I met my fiance. He told me in advance that he had herpes and was symptom free with Valtrex. I told him about some bumps that I had for several years and he identified them as herpes. The doctor confirmed it. Ended up we both had herpes from past relationships. I feel very lucky to have someone who also has herpes.
If I didn't have an HSV partner, it would be a bummer to feel like I had to use protection all the time. But, I know I would never want to give this to anyone. I don't think I'd even be willing to risk it.
But, I do agree as long as you are honest, it's up to you and your partner.

Answer:
I you inform your partner and are perfectly CLEAR about the situation it is his/her decision to make. They take the risk if they choose to, end of story.

If you are this concerned then you will not have to worry about it - you will scare the hell out of them, and for good reason I agree. But you need to find the level you are comfortable with for yourself.

My current partner has HSV and I'm still concerned about his having an OB in a "new" area. He told me "I can't get herpes AGAIN" and will I get a new OB overtime? probably, but that is what we need to decide on...
so we did. Together.

We all have choices. Make them, be honest and make them.