Question:
I've been reading the posts on this board for a while, long before I ever signed up.

I've heard lots of cases where people have had sex in full knowledge that they where HSV-1 or HSV-2 positive without informing the other party.

However this is not a deliberately deceptive decision as much as it is one driven by emotion and fear of rejection. There in love and at the same time scared of how this person there so deeply in love will react to the word "herpes".

It's an upsetting thing to read and i've read it over and over again. Also i've always given them the reply that they must tell there partner straight away.

If you caught this STD from someone unknowingly the chances are that they also caught it form somone unknowingly and have also felt the exact same feelings your going through. The chances are one day maybe not soon but sometime in the future you will also make the same mistake. Genital herpes cases are growing by 500,000 - 600,000 people a year in the US.

When you first get this diesease you usually go through denial, looking for a cure any cure. This can't be perminent. This can't be reality. It's highly infectious a symptomatically? Why is this happening to me?

You think to yourself that you'll always be alone.....

Now with all this you have to go through you also have to go through reading lots of posts about getting sued for passing this junk on. Which certainly won't help your confidence levels a bit.

Also it makes you wonder if should you be sueing this person who was too ashamed and afraid of rejection to tell you?

It really brings a whole new ugly dimension to the situation.

It really makes you realise how complicated life is about to get and how much reality is going to change.

Answer:
Good point.

Answer:
The chances are one day maybe not soon but sometime in the future you will also make the same mistake.
Your justification for not telling is because herpes is such a bad experience, plus adding a legal responsibility would make it even more unbearable. So this makes it ok to make someone else go through the same thing? The worse herpes gets for you, the more it is ok to pass it on to someone else? Someone you "love" at that?

I don't buy the "little miss/mr innocent" from of denial of responsibility, that passing it on is going to happen sooner or later no matter what we do so we just shouldn't bother. The people who are against herpes lawsuits are the ones who don't want to be held accountable for their own virus. Those too eager to forgive others are really just trying to get forgiveness for themselves, for something they are doing or plan on doing in the future.

Emotions don't keep people from disclosing viral status, lack of honesty and integrity and respect do. Those who have come to a support forum to logically think this stuff out really can't play dumb when confronted with their responsibility or confronted by a pissed partner who just got infected. Now that the law could step in and make it official, where "playing dumb" couldn't be used in court as an excuse of why herpes status wasn't disclosed, people are freaking out that they might actually be held to their actions.

Something about the law making it official sure does test people to their word. Maybe they think that a herpes law is a direct attack or label put on people who have herpes? A herpes lawsuit is not an attack on people with herpes any more than a drunk driving law is an attack on someone with a drivers license.

I have observed your point (but I don't agree with it) that some people just "give up" with herpes the more they are involved with it. Doctors who blow off responibility and just don't want to talk about it, patients who get to a point where they just don't care anymore... it really does reinforce the fact that "anyone can get herpes", and perhaps more importantly "anyone can GIVE herpes". I thought herpes was scary, but some people are even scarier.

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I thought the point was that it is intimidating for someone newly diagnosed to hear that they can be sued for passing herpes to another person.

Come on people all you need to say is: I have herpes/coldsores.

Answer:
This is a great post JRTJRT!

Answer:
I thought the point was that it is intimidating for someone newly diagnosed to hear that they can be sued for passing herpes to another person.

Come on people all you need to say is: I have herpes/coldsores. Yeah that was my piont. I thought it was pretty obious, right?

If JRTJRT (whats that really stand for?) bothered to read my post properly he/she would have read that when someone does post about having sex with there partner without informing them of there positive status, that I have always replied to them straight away to tell there partner immediately.

Also I do believe people can forget to tell by accident. For example sometimes you can get so drunk you don't remember what you've done till the next morning..... I don't condon it and wouldn't do it myself but it does happen.

I do believe, though again I am strong enough to tell someone before, there are many that where not and you can find some of these posts on these very message forums.

Obviously JRTJRT has a heart of stone. However go read these posts for yourself and tell me if you think these people are just dishonest little crooks putting on an act.....



Oh and BTW Just for those that might have just started reading a fresh, Angel_eyes there is the person who was sticking up all those posts about sueing people and lawsuits for this junk that we all have. Again not saying sueing is wrong it's just I don't think its the first thing people that have just caught this junk want to see........

It's really a pretty messed up form of support to talk about law suits all day long, when they main issues that need to be resolved are mainly in the mind..... but oh well.

Here's an example of how emotionally distressed people can get with this virus. . Do we really need all this negative law suit crap everywhere? I mean your lawyer should be able to tell you all you need.... I know you want to tell the world your sueing him but maybe the world doesn't want to know.

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Also I do believe people can forget to tell by accident. For example sometimes you can get so drunk you don't remember what you've done till the next morning..... I don't condon it and wouldn't do it myself but it does happen.
Great idea. In fact, if you get so drunk you drive your car home without realizing you're doing it, and in the process kill an innocent carload of law-abiding teenagers, you should totally not get sued for driving drunk, cause you don't remember! Sounds good to me.

I don't agree with you at all, as far as why people come to a board like this and what they want to see. If i come to a herpes board, i want to see EVERYTHING about herpes. Herpes lawsuits are a part of reality, and should be dealt with. So is the depression after diagnosis, anger, fear, all of it. If we sugar-coated everything just so newcomers wouldn't feel too bad, we might as well put a post up at the top of the board saying "No, it's not permanent; No, you don't have to tell; Yes, there is a cure." It's a disservice to those coming here looking for information to hide parts of the truth from them.

I don't see anyone rushing to tell newcomers in their introduction thread that they should be getting a lawyer and suing the creep who gave this to them. Yes, it's overwhelming when you first get here, but it's all relevant, IMO.

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all I have to say is

EDUCATION, EDUCATION, EDUCATION.

Getting this virus is so deeply intrusive, that I have decided to turn this around and try to IMPACT society. I am seeking justice, but my ultimate goal is to help raise awareness, educate, and support. I work for a local publication and after this suit is over, whether I win or lose, my boss is able to get me a meeting with the President of the Senate in my state (this was discussed on Monday) to request her to draft into legislature something that NEEDS TO BE drafted.

Look, everyone handles this thing differently. Sure, there are people that don't want to come onto this site to learn about lawsuits and all that crap. Just like I don't want to come on here and read that there are people who knowingly don't disclose to their partners that they are HSV positive.... it goes both ways. No matter how you look at it, no matter who you ask, HSV is painful, challenging, and often eye-opening for many. I want to try to open others' eyes, just as mine have been (with help of the law). period

Answer:
I was going to reply in full, but JRTJRT and catiesmom have both saved me a lot of time!!!! (Thanks for that :)).