Question:
It's hard to find consistent information online so I figured I'd ask.
I recently met a girl who I want to go out with, but she has oral herpes and I'm wondering if it's transferable when there is no outbreak.

She said she got it by sharing a drink with someone and that she is "safe" as long as there aren't any cold sores or anything. I'm willing to deal with outbreaks as they come, but I just want to know that it's OK to kiss her when theres no visible signs of it.

Any information would be great =)

Answer:
Hi,

On average, a person sheds the virus for about 3 weeks during the year - and this doesn't have to be 3 weeks straight, it could be a day or two with breaks inbetween. That's one of the interesting things about the virus and why it is so "successful".

So no, you're never really safe. If you want to take a 5% chance when there's no visible outbreak, then go for it - but at your own risk. Just make sure that you understand what the consequences are of having this - it's not just the outbreaks, there are long-term risks as well (emotional pain, symptoms, stigma, and not the best senior years either..). Different people get affected by the virus differently - so you might not show any symptoms at all or you might get outbreaks all the time if you got it.

I would say - get yourself tested for herpes and see if you already have it. You might be asymptomatic. Also, does she have genital and/or oral herpes? Did she get tested for both? She might be asymptomatic for genital herpes.

This is not meant to scare you or to suggest that you should break up with the girl. However, I can't ethically justify that it is okay to have this virus - oral or genital. I got it when I was very young - I don't remember how - but I do know that I don't want it and I don't want to spread it to others either. For me this means no kissing.. I figure it could be worse :(

Answer:
Thanks for the information. It wasn't really what I was looking for, but I guess I'd rather the truth...
As far as I know she only has oral herpes, she said it was from sharing a drink, although I guess it's possible she has genital as well.

My main concern I guess, is that I could go out with someone else and be fine, but they could have it as well and maybe not even know it. So at least in this case I know about it and can take precautions when necessary. I.e., avoid physical contact around infected areas during an outbreak, etc, etc.

As for personal experience...is there any precautions you can take while kissing (that wouldn't be completely awkward obviously) or do you just avoid it at all costs because I'm honestly not willing to do that.

Anyway, thanks for the information, it was very helpful. I guess I just need to figure out what I want to do now.

Answer:
Yes, with 80+ % of the population infected with OHSV and many of them not knowing what it is, the the odds are against you. Nor are people simply statistics. It's better to be safe than sorry, so I still think you should both get tested to be sure if you're not already a carrier.

I'm avoiding kissing at all costs and it has been difficult to adjust to that. If you're going to go for it, then you have half of it down already - avoid kissing her on the lips during an outbreak when there are sores, when there's signs of redness and bumps, when she's stressed (near her period), when she's sick. Ask her if she knows other things that trigger her outbreaks and establish a dialogue so that she can protect you. Hey, this could be a good bonding experience if you really care about her.

Also, it would really help to get both of your immune systems to be strong. The commonly suggested supplementations are with zinc, vitamins b, c, and e. It is best to find food sources for these, since they are absorbed better than just the pills.

There are also herbs out there, such as echinacea, although I can't attest to its effectiveness. It hasn't helped me. There are also posts on these forums about maintaining an alkaline diet and avoiding arginine-rich foods. Moderate exercise also boosts immune function, so staying active should help as well.