Question:
Ok this is really upsetting because this is all new to me...
What is the percentage of giving herpes to my boyfriend in between outbreaks if i am taking valtrax? ive read the medicine can help up to 75% chance of keeping it from being spread and that the chances are lowest in between outbreaks but just how low is it? And i also mean when not wearing a condom....

I'm asking this because i was just diagnosed with this crap today from one, tiny, freaking little sore and last weekend i had lots of unprotected sex with my new boyfriend, before i knew anything. But the thing is is that just like all the articles say about a week after he went home (hes from out of town) is when i got the flu like symptoms and all this stuff came about. So did he give it to me and just not know he has it? bc i read the symptoms first appear 2-20 days after exposure.

this is devastating to me.... so basically if my boyfriend didnt give it to me does he have it now??? im talking lots and lots of unprotected sex here. or is it likely i got if from him since the symptoms came about a week after he went home? do we both most likely have it together now?
Im supposed to visit him next weekend and my one little sore will be gone by then but then what am i supposed to do? this is so so depressing somebody please write back.

Answer:
this site has info. another good one is herpes.com. from the top of my head, some people shed viruses while showing no symptoms about 4% of the time. but like i said don't quote me on that. i've also read that it can be shed from places condoms do not protect, close to the genitals. are you aware of the fact that cold sores (oral herpes) can be transmitted to someone's genitals through oral sex, even when no symptoms are present? keep reading, i am still learning about it myself, and everytime i learn something new it makes this a little easier.

i know its hard to not be depressed, but dont be devastated. you are not alone at all. do not try to "handle" this on your own with medicine, condoms, whatever, to try to protect him without telling him. you must talk to your boyfriend and begin accepting the fact that you have this. how much do you trust him? does he know about this? it is possible to have herpes and never know, but it is also possible to trust someone who is hiding something from you. im saying that if you havent been with anyone else in a long time, you probably got it from him, esp in those circumstances, but it is possible that he didnt know. im also saying its possible that he knew and just didnt tell you. i hope that isnt the case, but either way you need to have a talk with him before you have sex with him again if you haven't already told him. if you don't, you'll make it 10 times worse.

i know it's embarassing and i know its painful in more ways than one, but you'll feel a little better once things are out in the open. that's my advice. good luck.

Answer:
Thanks so much for responding. So first of all.... you are saying that even though someone might not even have a cold sore in their mouth, they can give oral to someone and STILL give herpes to someone down there??? just because the disease is somewhere there in their mouth????

Second of all, i know for a fact he didnt have any sores while he was here... so is it possible i could have just been that unlucky to get it from the small percentage of a chance? i guess the amount of sex changes the percentage though... AND... what about this... i know the disease enters through cuts and cracks in the body right??... well (sorry this is pretty blunt but o well..) we had done it so much by the end of the weekend i know he was in pain from all the friction which left him pretty raw and chaffed. so even though he didnt have an open herpes sore i could have easily gotten it through other little cuts on him??? not to mention i was pretty raw and chaffed too so that would have made for an easy entrance.

So basically im going to have to tell him that most likely he has it too, (even if he only had it in his mouth to begin with im pretty sure we were all over eachother enough for it to be down there now too) but the truth of the matter is is that the blood work/testing for herpes sux andis unrealiable and really wont help determine the situation, only if hes ever had a cold sore in his entire life he will test positive. and the only way he'll really know is when he eventually has a outbreak, (if this is something he didnt already know about) and that might not even happen for years???? so hes just gonna have to take my word that he has it or what??

Answer:
look i should say that i dont know everything about this im on here to learn too. did you look at those websites? from what i understand though, yes, your boyfriend might have genital herpes or oral herpes and just not know it. and i also understand that the virus enters your body and eventually travels through your nerves into your spinal cord where it establishes dormancy. every so often, depending on the type of virus and the person, some viruses return to the spot of infection. this is way different for everyone, but that is how it spreads. where did you hear that about the blood tests? that is something i know nothing about and want to get one so if anyone can give me the low down i would appreciate it.