Question:
I have 3 children that are healthy and happy and I gave birth to before having herpes.

Then my husband and I were seperated and one of us contracted herpes and of course we both have it now since we are back together.

We would love to have another child but it's so hard to make that decision to take the risk. For someone who doesn't have children or is in a new marriage and wants a child with a new spouse I can understand.. but we already have 3 healthy kids. I don't know if we should risk it?

What would you do?

and if we were to get pregnant, would I have outbreaks the whole time?

Answer:
First, I would say, do you definitely want to have another child? Are you financially and emotionally capable to provide for a fourth child? THAT is the most important question. If you feel that things are rock solid in your relationship with your husband, have the emotional, intellectual and financial capababilites, THEN you can move on to the next step.

herpes does change a few things. I had my very WORST outbreaks while pregnant. I never had them before (maybe a teeny tiny one, once or twice) but in my 6 months of pregnancy, my hormonal surges radically increased my outbreaks. It was horrible. I never experienced such pain in my life. So there is this risk, but you can take suppressive meds too while pregnant, although I would definitely talk to your doctor about that as well.

Many women opt for csection rather than vaginal labor. I did, but more because I am physically incapable of vaginal birth (my older child and I almost died.) With my second child, I was unwilling to go through THAT again and herpes was the icing on the cake. I was not willing to risk transmitting the virus to the child. Many many women with herpes DO have vaginal birth, you would just have the doctor do a thorough inspection at the time of delivery to determine whether or not there are any lesions present. Rule of thumb: baby and lesions should never EVER meet. If sores are present, you absolutely MUST have a csection.


Ultimately it is up to you whether or not you want to do a vaginal birth. Do NOT let doctors or nurses or family and friends sway what your decision is. I find it ironic that in this country, so many people scream and cry about things like "a woman's choice with her body" in regards to abortion (and I am prochoice...however...) they get all up in arms about whether or not you CHOOSE to have a csection. It pisses me off. Like it is some sort of "rite of passage" to pass a baby through your vagina, and that is the ONLY way to do it. Stupid stupid stupid. Do what YOU feel comfortable with. Talk to your husband and your doctor.

Good luck and I wish you the very best.

Answer:
thanks,

ok here are a few more of my concerns that I thought of later after posting lol.

I would go for a csection. I need one anyway because I have a bulging disk in my back and have a vaginal delivery could make it bulge even further requiring surgery. I've never had a csection so I'm a little scared but small price to pay for a baby.

Second, I'm afraid my doctor might not be well informed on pregnant women with herpes.. I've heard it before on this board.

Also, I'm afraid of being treated differently by the doctor, staff or hospital at delivery.

Also my question is this... once you deliver a healthy baby free of herpes, can they get herpes once you bring them home from the hospital? I mostly get herpes sores in my mouth (on my tongue or inside of lip).

thanks so much

Answer:
you know...the WORST part about the csection (for me) is when they did the epidural. Oh man, what a nightmare THAT was (inserting the needle and what not!) But...once you are all good and numb....you don't feel a thing. Just a weird feeling, but we were all excited and crack jokes with the doctors and nurses and well...I think it just took my mind off of things. THEN when the baby was born, we were so happy, elated, teary-eyed and focused on him, that nothing else mattered.

It is a bit painful afterwards, you DO have to spend time in the hospital for about 4 days....but man, it was SO easy compared to the first time!!! (Ihad a HORRIBLE HORRIBLE LABOR and VAG delivery). so for me, this was a piece of cake. AND....the relief of knowing that my baby was safe from herpes.

Yes, some doctos are total dingbats when it comes to herpes. Sometimes, you have to take the upper hand with them. do NOT allow them to treat you differently, or in a crappy manner. Think of it this way: Doctors and nurses are paid by YOU (or your insurance, which YOU pay) thus....THEY work for YOU! Don't let them boss YOU around, tell you what to do OR treat you bad. If you DO get a shitty doctor, tell him/her that he/she sucks and you are finding someone who is a more qualified and experienced doctor and move on. Don't be afraid to ask questions either. Don't let them bully you.

Last, yes, you CAN pass herpes onto your infant by way of kissing, etc. It is very VERY important NOT to kiss the baby anywhere if you have a cold sore, even be careful nuzzling him/her. Careful and cautious handwashing is also important. If you touch the sore, wash the hands before touching the baby. Better to be overcautious and careful. I always kiss my baby over his clothes, even when I do NOT have a coldsore. Sometimes I slip and kiss his head, but never during the time a sore is present. I get pissed off when people (especially strangers....who in the heck do these people think they are?!!?) kiss my children. People are so careless and in such denial what a "coldsore" is, ya know? But just be careful with kisses and nuzzling, and if you have genital herpes, wash up good everytime after you go in the bathroom or touch yourself "down there". If you DO accidently kiss your child, and you have a cold sore present (in any stage, from beginning blisters to end of the outbreak scabbin) be sure to wash the childs face with soapy water asap.

Neither of my kids get coldsores, so far, sogood.

Hope this helps a bit....I know it is scary, I am still worried of somehow passing this onto my kids, so I am very overzealous in the cleaning etc. But oh well, small price to pay the way I see it.

Take care!