Question:
I have met a wonderful man. Earlier this week he had the courage to tell me that he has herpes. I feel a tremendous amount of respect for the courage that must have taken to risk whatever reaction I might have had. Ours is a fairly new relationship but we are mad for each other. I have spent the last few days reading what I can about this and I know that I should be directing my questions to him... I am just nervous. We of course have not had sex at this point but I care enough about him that I am willing to with the proper precautions in the future. He seems very hesitant about any level of physical intimacy and it confuses me.. we can kiss for hours and it never goes much further. Can someone offer some insight as to what might be going on here??

Answer:
I know you are confused as to why he isn't pushing for you to take it to the next step, but I can assure you that it has nothing to do with you. Even though you know the risks of being intimate with him, he probably wants to give you some time to think about it and to make sure that you really want to take that chance. He is probably scared that he might infect you and if things weren't to work out in the long run between you two, he doesn't want have the guilt of knowing that he is responsible for infecting someone else. My advice would be to not take it personal and continue on with your relationship. Things will happen when you are both ready- just give him some time to truly realize this is what you want.

Answer:
Hi! I just want to second that. I recently told my bf who does not have it and I can sympathize with what your bf is probably going through. I feel terrible that we have to deal with this and I want to believe that he sincerely means that he's ok with it and that he understands what this means - that he might end up getting it. It's tough, because the rush of new love can make us all feel so ok with everything, and I really want to make sure that he is truly ok, in the long-term sense. Personally, I regret not doing what your bf is doing right now. I let my new love call the shots and I think he jumped in before really thinking about it. He has not contracted it, but I feel guilty that I didn't insist on him mulling it over more.

The fact that he chose you as a partner - meaning that you passed the screening we with hsv have to use in gaging who we choose to risk this rejection with - speaks volumes for you. You seem like a very nice person. Congratulations on your wonderful new love (!!!!) :) , and maybe just enjoy whatever level of intimacy you have for now and let him call the shots as far as taking it further. Ulitimately even though it seems like the burden is on you as the potential next victim, he is equally at the mercy of a healthy conscience and needs to be every bit as comfortable as you are.