Question:
Hi

I'm new here - 32, female, very glad I found this board.

I contracted HSV-1 in my last relationship, about 4 years ago. I sometimes forget I have it; I have not had a recognizable breakout since the intitial one. But now I find myself looking at entering my first relationship since I learned I had the virus.

He is very sweet, and I have a distrinct feeling that we could have something very special. We have been apart for a few months since our initial meeting, but will be reuniting soon. Recently our phone conversations have become more intimate and I would normally be looking forward to what I assume would be our first romantic encounter. Naturally, my enthusiasm is dampened by the knowledge that at some point before that could happen I will have to let him know that I carry the virus.

So... does anybody have any suggestions for me here? I'm sure this is a popular topic here and would GREATLY appreciate any words of advice or past experience anyone could give me.

Thanks a lot.

Palomita

Answer:
Hi Palomita.

I'm not sure if I'm the best one to comment, but I'm 35, when I found out I was in a relationship and needed to tell him while I still was waiting for results. I'm very emotional and he knew something was wrong, and I just ended up telling him. He was great about it, and we stayed together. He made me feel wonderful that he wasn't affraid of touching me. I told him when I wasn't feeling well, and we were careful. He still tests negative, and has no signs at all. It was easier, in hind sight, to tell someone you were just told, and you were just finding out yourself.

That relationship has ended, and the next guy I met was "crazy about me". After the third date I told him. Some told me that was too soon, but I didn't feel right about waiting. I felt like I would have been lying. My therapist told me to practice safe sex, then tell him when I was more comfortable - I absolutely couldn't do that. So I told him. He was nervous, asked a few questions, told me he'd see me again anyway. I told him I'd rather he tell me it was too much for him, and agree to not see each other, but he made plans with me and told me we'd see. We did make plans. He stood me up. I still haven't heard from him , nor do I want to.

I keep hearing of people who have relationships with non-HSV partners, marriage dating, etc.. But now I wonder how that happens. I keep thinking I'd rather just be with someone who has it, and they'd already understand and not be affraid.

The bottom line is that second guy, well I look at him as natural selection. He wasn't for me. He did me a favor. I only wasted 3 dates on him. I want to be with someone who wants to be with me. Bottom line. I will not be affraid to tell someone.

I met a guy on Wed night. I've already put a time limit on him. Hopefully he'll surprise me. I'm hoping when I get around to telling him (about when the sexual tension demands that I do) that he'll smile and pull a bottle of valtrex out of his medicine cabinet!! :D Kind of my idea of the modern Prince Charming!

Don't be affraid. We are all hoping it goes well for you.[/b]

Answer:
I met a guy on Wed night. I've already put a time limit on him. Hopefully he'll surprise me. I'm hoping when I get around to telling him (about when the sexual tension demands that I do) that he'll smile and pull a bottle of valtrex out of his medicine cabinet!! :D Kind of my idea of the modern Prince Charming! Hey Lasmom LOL, I love this!!!! :D You made me laugh and smile!!

Yeah.. 2 people who have something in common already have connection each other without a word. I think that the idea is the same as "Oh, you play tennis? I do, too!". Andre Agassi and Steffi Graf must've felt in that way. :-)

You feel comfortable each other... that's the bottom line of any kind of relationship...

Thanks Lasmom, I like your energy!!

Faith

Answer:
Like your energy too Faith!!!

I'd just like to add that I'm going to give prizes for any man who actually goes out with me AFTER I tell him. I'll start my own sampling for research. Maybe a gift certificate or something.... funny thing is, the guy who stood me up probably has it and doesn't know!!!

I guess you just have to live with what gets handed to you. I will say I'm scared to death of telling, and I feel like it will be an impossible journey sometimes, but I have to laugh to keep from crying!! The truth is, with my luck, if I went to a singles group it would be me, two other women and then my x-husband would walk in.....

Palomita - I hope you let us know. I'd like to hear some good stories for a change. As you can see, there are alot of people here willing to talk you through. Best wishes baby!!

Answer:
I'd just like to add that I'm going to give prizes for any man who actually goes out with me AFTER I tell him. I'll start my own sampling for research. Maybe a gift certificate or something.... LOL...........
I'll give you a prize, girl :lol: for making me laugh...!!

Wheww.... let me go back to work... <still giggling>

Faith

Answer:
now, for a male perspective...

boy-oh-boy...do i know what your talking about!

i'm a business student, and in one of my classes on personnel management we had a fellow come in and talk about programs for hiring the disabled/challenged members of the population. as it goes, the turnover and absenteeism of this population is incredibly low - and these folks end up making the best employees...they're so appreciative and "gung ho", now that someone has finally given them a chance!

whomever i should tie up with next is going to be so very lucky, as they'll find a guy who is so much more appreciative of them (and the relationship), just by virtue of the fact that i've been able to expose this "vulnerability" and be accepted/loved for the whole package, none the less...and i agree; it would be great to meet/date someone in the same HSV boat. you'd have so many more experiences to share and could have your own little support group-right at home!

woof!

Answer:
bocephalus,

Haha... LOL

Yep...
By having HSV, you finally became one of few precious men who are appreciative of quality. Not quantity.
Many women love that. Isn't that better...? :D

I think, a certain amount of restriction can make you feel free and appreciate the freedom you have. Not another freedom.
Excessive amount of freedom restrain you after all.

and i agree; it would be great to meet/date someone in the same HSV boat. you'd have so many more experiences to share and could have your own little support group-right at home! That's a cute little support group. :-)

Best wishes..

Faith

Answer:
Thanks bocephalus for your point of view. It's good to hear there are people who share this stuff, even if we live all over the place! Maybe we could have a convention in Vegas or something... :D

And to be perfectly honest, my last boyfriend liked when I had an OB, something about him still wanting to kiss me and hold me was a huge sexual charge for me - I was alot more attentive to him if you know what I mean! I even started enjoying things that I didn't enjoy before... Oprah would have a field day with that bit of info! "I contracted nymphomania from Herpes!" :lol:

Sorry - I do joke alot, Faith knows that for sure, but this is a very lonely thing as you all know. Maybe I will research a local group. I can't quite figure out why I feel funny about it - maybe you guys understand. It must be like going to AA or something - the hardest part is the first step.

Love to all of you. You make me feel welcome in my own skin. Only you guys would understand that......

Answer:
Oprah would have a field day with that bit of info! "I contracted nymphomania from Herpes!" :lol: Girl LOLOLOL........., you got me again...!!!!
Sadly, we are only human, the more we suppress it, the more we want it. LOL

Yeah.. lately I feel funny about lots of things, too.. I guess when we start to look at ourselves objctively, we even find sad things funny. Some of them are sarcasm, but some of them are funny because... they are not peculiar to having herpes. We are just looking at common life problems through herpes....

Anyway.. thanks Lasmom! It's always good to start a day with a hearty laugh! :D

Faith