Question:
Today, my girlfriend whom I've been dating for almost four months, casually mentioned to me that she has herpes. She told me she was diagnosed with herpes over a year ago when she had an outbreak. She claims she hasn't had an outbreak since.

Ever since we've met, we've been having wild, unprotected sex like mad. And now she lays this on me like it's no big deal. I looked her straight in the eye and asked, "Aren't you supposed to tell someone you have herpes before having sex with them?" She shrugged and said, "Maybe you should use a condom for now on."

Needless to say, I'm a little freaked out about all this. I'm in my late 40s and haven't dated much in the last few years. When I met her, I fell under her spell. She's attractive, in her early 50s and has had several lovers. I am beside myself on how to handle this situation. At this juncture, I do not want to continue having sex with her. Beyond that, I'm not sure if I can even trust her. Any advice would be greatly appreciated.

Answer:
she should have told you first and let you make that decision. go straight to the doctor and get tested and don't do that to anyone yourself. It may take a few weeks to show up in your blood test so if it comes back negative, go again in a few months to be tested again. She is a grown woman and knew better. That is pretty selfish. Don't freak out yet. I have hsv and to date my husband has not tested positive. Cross that bridge when you get to it. Good luck to you, titanic

Answer:
Mannylow,
I am really sad to hear you story, that was really selfish what your girlfriend did,she thought only about herself, with no concern for you or your health.
You really do need to go and get tested, i really hope you are negative.

Only you can decide whether to continue this relationship,
I consider a relationship to be about honesty ,trust and respect, and she has clearly failed in all three.

Do not fall for the look of someone,my ex was really good looking, but a really horrible,sly and shallow person, looks alone will not make you happy.

I personally would stop all intimate contact,while you get your head round what road this relationship is going to take, think carefully, above anything put YOUR health and happiness first,because she certainly doesn't.

Let us know how you get on
take care

Answer:
i am very sorry to hear what your girl friend did it is horrible that she didn't think of your health. in some places what she did is considered assault. please go get tested as soon as possible and continue getting tested every 6-12 weeks it doesn't always show up right away.

Answer:
drop her like a sack of shit.

then get tested.

Answer:
wow. I hate to tell you this my friend, but she is a selfish, self-centerd, narcisstic sack of shit. ALL THIS TIME AND SHE JUST NOW MENTIONS IT.

In her defense (if there IS one....ugh) you SHOULD HAVE BEEN USING A CONDOM ALL THIS TIME!! Did you two EVER before indulging in wild unprotected sex talk about STDS/HIV/ETC?!? Nobody knows a person long enough at four months to have unprotected sex UNLESS you BOTH HAVE BEEN TESTED FOR VARIOUS STDS.


Ultimately, she took advantage of the situation and has put you in a very precarious position. Please go get tested for EVERYTHING. Not just herpes, but HIV and the clap and all that "fun" stuff.

ME, I would dump her ass. It would be one thing if it was a one time thing...maybe, but she has built a "relationship' based on a farce and has played russian roulette with your life. And if she is so lackadaisical about THIS, think of all the other things she might have withheld from you.

I am sorry you have to go through this and I hope all works well for YOU and the outcome is a good one (meaning no herpes or anything else. ) Get a blood test now then again in about 3 months. Chalk this up to being a HARDCORE learning experience.

Keeping my fingers crossed for you.

Answer:
agree with what the others say... words that spring to mind are.

1) selfish

2) untrustworthy

3) underhand.

me thinks she may of not told you, cus once u have it, u may feel u then have to stay with her out of fear of not getting anyone else...

id get rid personally.... but thats your call.

Answer:
Very curious as to why she suddenly saw the need to tell you.
a Could be that she wants a reason to break up
b She perhaps wants a deeper relationship move it onto another level
(ha!)
CMaybe

Answer:
oops...
Maybe her relationship with the virus is such that she has more than come to terms with the whole thing, thinks it is nothing, acts like it is.....except if it were such a small deal, why not tell just as flippantly in the beginning. Give me the guy who fails to tell but labours over it in guilt, and comes clean a week later a nervous wreck.

Anyway let he who is without sin cast the first stone. One just never knows.

Christy