Question:
Ok - I'm on a bit of an emotional roller coaster again and just have to share...

So I finally met a nice guy - a really really nice guy in fact. So i decided to bite the bullet last night and tell him. I was so scared as this is the first time I've told someone where I really do care about their response. I think overall I did ok in getting the message across by keeping it more matter of fact rather than sharing things like how shit I felt when I found out etc. and I managed to keep my emotions just about in check (although it was tough!).

So first reaction was surprise (he was coming over to relax after a long day at work and stuff and had no idea this was about to be "dropped" on him), then a bit of anger as he believed I should have told him a few nights ago (things got more intimate than I intended - but not to the extent of being "unsafe") and then I suppose he just didn't know how to react really and just hugged me and thanked me for being honest. I was glad he didn't leave then and there - and we did try and have "normal" conversations but I knew this was all ticking over in his head.

He stayed the night - but I felt there was definitely a conflict between him wanting his own space to think about it and wanting to stay with me (because we are both definitely highly attracted to each other). So this morning he said he was still coming round for diner on Thursday (had already been arranged) but that things may change after. He also said he knew there was more to me than herpes but he just wasn't too sure if he could deal with it...

I completely understand where he's coming from as if I was in his position I wouldn't know how to react either.

But now I feel rather exposed (after all most of my family and friends have no idea about my "status") and emotionally a bit out of control as the next step is completely his decision and added on top of that is the fact it's the first time I've really fancied someone in years. I know I have to be strong and just leave him alone to figure out what he wants but it's tough...I'd always get some text/sms from him after he's left and there's been none since he left this morning.

And now I guess all I can do is wait...I wish I could fast forward to tomorrow evening...

Answer:
i hope it all works out the way you want it to.

Answer:
Hang in there. I had been through the similar situation.... If he is sure about having a long term relationship, then things would not change. If he steps back, then there is something else more than herps on his mind. Believe me on this, and read more in other people's threads... In that case you would not want that. I know it is difficult to run into someone we are fond of, and it is pain to be waiting like this. But Herps is not the real reason. My date told me he was not ready for a serious relationship two weeks after I told him, although he took it well that night. And he told me H was not the reason, he had a lot of things going on in his life. I believed him and one week after that I saw him in a social event, the whole night with a girl with a bumped tummy(I don't want to assume anything...).

Answer:
Thanks!!!

And you're right about it not being about the herpes. I guess on the bright side of things it stops me "wasting time" with guys who aren't interested in the long haul. It kinda forces both people to figure out what they want - and I suppose that's what's go me on a bit of a roller coaster - it was the realisation I do really like this guy.

Ah well - what ever will be will be - I guess I'm just hoping for the best and preparing for the "worst".

Answer:
well how was it actaully sayiong those words..

before i told my last GF, well amnd the current one, i spent an hour looking in the mirror saying it to myself, funnily enuff it did help.

Answer:
I know exactly how you feel. A little about how I ended up here. I was in a relationship for 8 months. When we reached the point that we no longer wanted to use condoms, we both were tested for HIV/Aids. For some reason in my naive mind, it never occurred to be tested for anything else. I never worried about any stds because I had been married for 11 years and due to the fact that birth control made me ill, I have ALWAYS used condoms. I finally found a method of bc that didn't made me sick, so this was my first time having sex w/o a condom. It was 8 months into the relationship, after talking about getting married and starting a family, he decided to tell me that he was bisexual and had engaged in threesomes with other men in the past. I had NO clue. I was mortified and immediately saw my doctor and asked to be tested for everything. My results came back as positive for herpes. After the shock it took me a while to start dating again. I would date, but as soon as things started to get to be more than just casual dating, I would end the relationship. Now I'm dating someone exclusively and I'm crazy about him. I would even go as far as to say that I'm falling in love with him. I have no idea how to tell him. I'm am scared to death that he will end the relationship. I don't know what to do. If I tell him now and we stay together but the relationship ends for other reasons, that's one more person that knows. Imagine if I told everyone I dated right from the beginning that I have it, that would be more and more people that would know. If I wait until we are further into the relationship to tell him, I'm afraid that he will hate for waiting to tell him. I'm devastated and I don't know what to do. He's a great guy and I'd hate to lose him but I certainly don't want to do anything to hurt him. God, how do I make this decision and how do I handle it if he rejects me? It's easy to say that if he breaks up w/ me because of this then he really wasn't the right one for me, but you have to admit, it's a lot for a person to deal with and to accept and to especially put themselves in a situation where they will be at risk of catching something that they will have to deal with for the rest of their lives. Has anyone had a positive reaction when telling their partner? If so I would love to hear about it for encouragement. Thanks

Answer:
Maybe I have been dealt with this damn virus for over a year, I become a little acceptance about the situation now. Just recently, I started back into dating after my obs stopped flaring up. So far, I got two "I heard about it, it's ok, just have to be safe" answer, the first one ended by other reason. Second one is still ongoing, don't know what's next... I tell upfront when the sign of intimacy comes up, to save both parties time. ;)

Answer:
Yes you will have to wait. I can imagine how agonizing it must be, as I torture myself on just going out on a date! He is probably processing a lot of things right now. Everyone processes these things differently, it's not a black/white situation. Let him have time to think. Just remember that whatever happens, you need to remember that you are a wonderful person who deserves love like anyone else. I've been working through the emotional fallout of this and have finally realized that this will definitely serve as a super filter for true love.

Best of luck to you - and keep yourself busy to pass the time!

Answer:
Ok now I really need advice as I have no idea what to do next...

So basically he's not fully over his last girlfriend yet and so is not quite ready for a full blown relationship that needs commitment, added to that he had a major scare to do with stds in general last year and so he says he just can't deal with me having H and so "that's the end of that".

On the other hand he said he really really likes and he was pretty miserable having to tell me all of this...

But even though I though I'd "educated him" he thought I was contagious all the time, he hadn't done any seperate research on it (which hadn't even crossed his mind) and he was "physically scared" of me. Just to torture both of our selves more, he stayed the night to cuddle in bed (his call) as we were both pretty upset, but he was soooo concious about where our bodies were relative to each other (we had underware on) that I siad to him "there's no need to be scared of me" to which he said "it's not you I'm scared of, it's it" at which point I was hurting lots and said "well it's part of me now". Queue feeling more miserable.

So the next day it took us 2 hours to say goodbye to each other (as in proper goodbye - not meet again)...and I'm not just being female in maybe reading too much into it but he didn't want to say goodbye either. Survived work, then that evening started trying to move on and so deleted all sms/text messages. Then I got a text from him, saying it was probably "weird/wrong" for him to text me but he felt it was wrong if he didn't and he wished me a good weekend and stuff.

So now I'm so confused...I really like this guy and I think he really likes me but just is scared. One part of me just doesn't want to walk away from this and nearly feels like I should fight for this as I think he really likes me too. But the other part of me worries that if I contact him I'll juss be seen as presurising him after he already told me how he feels about the whole thing.

If it had been more black and white and he'd just walked away it would have been easier...

Do I contact him and "leave the door open" or do I just walk away?

Thanks for reading all of this, I'm so glad I've somewhere to share all this...any advice or view points or anything would be really welcome as it's rattling around my head and I have no idea what to do next.


NotMyFault07 - Completly understand where your coming from, but personally I'd tell him ASAP. If you want a relationship it should be built on trust, and you certianly don't want to be feeling worried/guilty about H while you're with him. Lots and lots of people have positive reactions - I did also but it ended for other reasons. As for "yet another person knowing" I guess that's just part of accepting having relationships and having herpes. I know I regret telling 2 people - one because I really didn't know him that well and the other because I knew him well but we hadn't been close friends in a while - but I've just accepted it as part of learning curve. Good luck!