Question:
I just met this great girl last night, a friend of a friend of mine, slept with her, performed oral sex on her for quite a while and then the following morning,noticed that I might have had a cold sore. If this is a cold sore then it is a very small one and was at most a day old. (I was out in the sun all day friday and met this girl on Saturday evening....)

By sunday afternoon, this is looking more and more like a cold sore- and already in its final stages.

I feel so low and horrible right now. I contracted cold sores from a long term girlfriend a couple of years ago. We broke up (nothing to do with the cold sores) just recently and I am for the first time meeting people, etc. with the virus so I have a lot to learn. I am horrified and sick at the thought of my infecting this poor girl so I am here now posting to ask...

how likely is it that I infected her?

If the sypmton was so tiny and the sore was only in the nascent stages is there more of a chance that it might not be passed? There was no leaking fluid (I think).

Is it possible that afer only this one encounter this absolutely tiny bump will infect her with concurrently oral and genital type 1?


What chance is there that she did not contract the virus or that she will not show symptons? How long does it take for symptons to appear?

Answer:
the chance you passed it on to her is extremely high. Herpes in either location is most contagious right BEFORE, during, and after the symptoms are present. Since you had sex and performed oral on her then she most likely did contract it from you. It is really unfair you didnt tell her beforehand, especially since she could have gotten oral herpes just from kissing you.

She may not show symptoms right away, if at all but still very well could have contracted the virus from you, and if she happens to not get symptoms right away or at a later time then she will have no clue she has and it and can infet others unknowingly. You have to tell her, either way so she can get tested periodically for the next few months until antibodies show in her blood. Not all people experience symptoms after they contract the virus in a neat little window of time but some get symptoms 2-20 days after they contract it. Some dont show them for weeks, months, or years, which is why it is sometimes so hard to pinpoint where and how people get this.

If she did contract it from you, then she will potentially have got genital or oral herpes from you, or both, which is most likely since you did multiple things with her. She will have contracted hsv1 if that is the type you have and if she gets it down below then yes it will be genital herpes type1 and both strains are recurrent and she will live with both for the rest of her life. I hope you have enough decency to inform her you put her at a very high risk of getting both oral and genital herpes and she will need to be tested every few months to be sure if she has it or not. I would recommend herpes type specific blood testing every 2 months for the next year to see if anything shows up. If she develops symptoms first then she'll know for sure, but she needs to know so she can learn about it, and not infect others unknowingly...


I think its wrong you didnt inform this innocent girl, but perhaps you are in denial about the severity of having oral herpes, which can be transmitted while you have a coldsore and WITHOUT a coldsore present at times so you really need to inform partners BEFORE even kissing them. Herpes in either location is very contagious. The likelihood she didnt get it from you, considering you were at the beginning of a coldsore, is very slim, as it is clearly was in its active stage. Also, no fluid needs to have been leaking for her to have contracted it, she just needed to have the area come in contact with areas on her to have gotten infected.

I pray she by some miracle didnt contract this from you and that in the future you will inform any potential partners of your status, because like I said above, regardless of if you have a coldsore or not you can still transmit the virus to others when you are not aware you are contagious. So tell her as soon as possible that theres a good chance you infected her and that she may or may not get symptoms right away, or ever but can still have gotten it from you and will still be contagious some of the time if this is the case. Let her know she will need to be tested by blood every few months for the next year to know for sure. feel free to post any other questions, Id be glad to help. People make mistakes and it doesnt make you a monster, but you need to tell her because it is a serious thing.

Answer:
Harsh, but thanks. I didnt know it was a cold sore at the time. It has been so long since I've had one and I had no reason to think anything dangerous of it untill the following morning when I realized what it probably was. I've only had a couple before and they were both medium sized. This one was no bigger than the smallest pen tip. It was unfamiliar to me and happened so fast. I am conscious of the consequences and like you, I am praying that by some miracle this innocent girl has not contracted this hideous thing from me.

I had no idea that the disease was most contagious at the early stages until today after looking through this forum. For some reason it seemed more logical that the open sores were most dangerous. I also did not realize that H1 could be transmitted from moulth to down below (untill now) I am learning...

I AM somewhat in denial of the severity of the infection. My ex-girlfriend who has had cold sores from childhood and infected me certainly didnt explain what it was or have any notion of the danger.. . I was the innocent one once.... After I realized that the cold sore I received from her was actually herpes I tried to console myself with stats like the ones posted on this forum saying that some 90% of adults die with the disease and that it is ordinary and inevitable.... not that I would ever intentionally infect anyone but there is certainly a dialectic between acceptance of the reality of the sexual and social implications (and dangers) of the this disease and the concept of cold sores as normal...


I don't know if I can tell her.... As it is, I know I'll never see her again... and maybe she dosnt have it....

I know this is deplorable. Try not to be too judgemental on me but I would appreciate some advice or support or maybe a little pressure.

Answer:
does the size of the ob have anything to do with the liklihood of transmission?

yes, i know h1 is highly contagious...

Answer:
the size of the ob has absolutely nothing to do with the likelihood of transmission. you need to educate yourself and you were very wrong for not telling the girl that you have herpes. shame on you.

Answer:
I am begging you to please tell her. Imagine if this same thing happened to your sister? Or if you ever have a daughter? And, sadly, she will end up spreading it unknowingly if you don't tell her.

Most of us here were the innocent recipients of this disease at one time.

I don't know if you've also considered this but if you had oral with her first and then intercourse you may have even infected yourself genitally. The same holds true if you kissed her and then she went down on you. It is possible to be infected in both areas.

Answer:
I totally agree with the advice you've been given.

BUT, if the stats ARE correct, and 80-90% of people end up with this virus - I mean orally, then informing others of their status should be as commonplace as...talking about what we're going to have for our teas(!).

My point is, I have NEVER had anyone tell me they get oral coldsores. Yet some ex boyfriends must have known they did. (I don't think I have oral herpes - but who knows).

I have bought into the stigma of herpes. For some reason I'm not appalled at adks for not informing the girl he gets oral herpes (although I do think he was wrong), and yet I would be if he got genital coldsores and hadn't told her :???::oops:

Mmm...interesting.

Anyway, another point. Maybe she's given you type 2 herpes???????!!!!!!

Sorry but it just crossed my mind.

Answer:
Believe me the past day has been one of the most stressful I've ever had to endure and at times I feel as though I am teetering at the edge of my sanity. As I said, I am comingout of a long term relationship and the whole thing never really occurred to me as anything terribly abnormal. So what, it was a cold sore, it sucked but I never thought of it as anything more than a slight inconvenience and certainly not a cause for guilt or shame. It was interesting to compare the replies from some of the posters on this site (box of rain, for example) with those elsewhere. Nowhere else is there such a stigma or fear of the disease as there is here!

Truthfully, I never thought to really see or learn how it was transmitted or what it actually was until now. I never even knew it was herpes until long after I had the initial outbreak. This was a horrible mistake and it will never happen again. Worse than having this virus (which has broken out only a few times- this last one is so tiny and inconspicuous that I barely notice it) is the idea that I could have passed it to someone else. I hope that somehow we escaped the odds and she comes out unscathed... there must be at least that possibility.

In the meantime I am considering very much whether to tell her or not. I ant express how frustrating this whole situation is. Outside of the possibility that I may have infected someone, this is the first time since I broke up with my girlfriend I really feel like I have a connection with this person.... and now there is this $hit. If I tell her right now it will obviously destroy her and could create so much additional and added stress that it might create a more pronounced initial outbreak and who knows what else... And then there is also the possibility that she does not have it. Regardless, I will stay in touch with this girl and if it turns out she has contracted this from me I will be open and to every extent apologetic... (not that that is ever enough!) I will not however send her to this website for advice. This virus does not have to destroy your life and this forum gives little indication of that.

I do have another question or two- First: has anyone had an experience like this (on either side of the equation) where someone was likely exposed but did not contract the virus? Obviously these lucky folks (if they exist) probably dont hang out at Hvs message boards... Second: is there any less risk that she contracted HsV1 down below as opposed to up above?


Anyhow, please dont judge me for not declaring that I have Hsv right off the bat to this person. It never even occured to me that it was in any way neccesary. I'm still not so sure I would now. I am not going to let these most insignificant cold sores define my first impression. I have however mastered this whole herpese thing since last weekend and I've got a very good idea of how to protect others.

I am absolutely consumed by this deplorable state of affairs and feel as though I am the a most selfish and creepy egoists. The last thing I need is for people to lay more shame on me. I feel like I just murdered someone.

Answer:
This virus does not have to destroy your life and this forum gives little indication of that.

You're right - it doesn't have to destroy your life. But don't knock the people you're wanting help from :rolleyes:

Anyway, to answer your questions;

1. Yes this is possible

2. Yes.

But these answers won't help you.

You're still left not knowing.

If you think you're going to start a relationship with this girl, I don't think you have any other choice but to tell her.

If not, then actually if it was me I'd rather remain ignorant - which won't be a popular opinion on here. But hey, there yer go.