Question:
How am I supposed to tell the people I sleep with about what I have now? Does anyone have a good suggestion? Any will do! I am just so freaked out that I cannot figure out if for the rest of my life I am going to be rejected or if I am going to be loved. No known cure is the scarriest term I have ever heard. Please someone out there help me with this problem I am having. I feel like I am scarred for life. I just want to have an easy way to let the ones I will encounter know about what I have but its hard. please help....

Answer:
I just want to have an easy way to let the ones I will encounter know about what I have but its hard. Only easy way is to tell the person that you have herpes honestly and sincerely.

Yes, there is always possibility that you would be rejected. But even if you don't have herpes, there is possibility that you face rejection, right? <smile>

Herpes is only one of those many reasons that can be obstacle for a relationship. If someone thinks that herpes is an obstacle, what can you do? You've got no control over what other people think.

Herpes is not something that no one can deal with. :) There are many many people who understand the herpes itself, and still love you for who you are. As a matter of fact, to some people, this sickness doesn't matter at all. A person have infinite value. Compared to that, herpes is actually.. nothing.

When you meet someone and you guys respect each other as a person, and care for each other, herpes won't be a big deal.

Just be the best of you, as always. That's all. <smile>

Best wishes..

Faith

Answer:
How am I supposed to tell the people I sleep with about what I have now? Does anyone have a good suggestion? Any will do! I am just so freaked out that I cannot figure out if for the rest of my life I am going to be rejected or if I am going to be loved. Like Faith said... Honesty Honesty Honesty...

Here's how I approach dating... (29, Male, HSV since 21)


I gave up dating just for the purpose of having fun and getting laid and started dating for the purpose of meeting someone that I might want to someday have a monogamous relationship with.

If I don't make a connection with the a girl... If I don't get the feeling that I could build a long-term relationship with her... I don't consider having sex with her, and thus I don't tell her.

If I start dating a girl... and I feel that there is long term potential... I feel a connection, and I feel its reciprocated... Then I tell her.

If I am dating a girl, and I'm not sure if there is long term potential yet and I she and I get in a situation that could lead to sex, or is ABOUT to, I put the brakes on and say something like "don't get me wrong, I'd TOTALLY love to sleep with you, but not if this isn't going to be something long term and I'm not sure yet, so you know.. kissing and all that is cool, but I'd rather wait to have sex"


if you are looking for MORE specifically WHAT do I actually say WHEN I tell someone...

It varies... Honestly, the first couple of times I told someone I started to cry and it took a while to get it out.

Then once I become more "ok" with having HSV, and more confident, I usually say something like:
"I want to tell you something, and I guess the only thing I want to ask first is please understand that its harder for me to say this, then it is for you to hear it"

Then I just come out and say "When I was 21 I got herpes..." and then continue something to the effect of " I don't know if you know or have ever known anyone with it, but its something that I have read and learned a lot about, and It really doesn't affect my life much except for times like this when I have to tell someone who I care about"


For me, I only tell someone who I already trust. If I don't trust them, I certainly wouldn't consider sleeping with them, and if I am not at a point where sleeping with them is a likely event, I don't tell them.

AND I can't IMAGINE telling someone AFTER I already had had sex with them, because THEN I presume their reaction could be MUCH worse...

Like being MAD because they INSTANTLY have that horror-moment of wondering if they already have it.

Anyway...

I'm pretty consistent with my first line the -- "I want to tell you something, and I guess the only thing I want to ask first is please understand that its harder for me to say this, then it is for you to hear it"

and after that, I just drop the H bomb, and then from there quickly move to a point of talking about the implications.

Its basically a 3 step thing for me:

1- just float the idea that this is hard to do so that they consider my feelings in their reaction.

2- out with it... Tell them I have HSV

3- information time... what it really is, what's myth, what's fact, what it means for them etc etc.

Once I get to the information part, I usually start with "Its actually not that bad, and with a just a few minor inconvienences, I can have a normal sex-life"

Most girls have had questions, which I have researched enough to have the honest answers to.

I would hate to have them ask me a question and have to say "i don't know"

I presume that if you are ashamed of it, or uneducated on it, or YOU personally haven't come to peace with having it, that might affect the person you are telling in a negative way. (ie, if you are scared of it, they will be too)

On the other hand if you are OK with it, you are educated about it, and you are confident that will influence the reaction from the person you are telling in a positive way

I guess the biggest point I'd try to impress on you is that YOU CAN control to some extent how people react. There will always be a small bit you can't control, but how you tell someone, your confidence, your knowledge, your honesty... That will affect how they react to it.

Answer:
That was very helpful and I do feel like I can tell someone even if I am just practicing in this here chat room

But thanks so much...
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