Question:
ok, so i need advice now. i know, believe me i know that being honest about this disease is the only way to go. so that is not my concern. but this is my situation. i met this guy before i had this about 2 months ago. it's solely thrrugh the internet. i am not an internet dater by any means, but my girlfriend who lives here showed him a photo of me and we have been talking for 2 months. he is from argentina, super sweet, handsome, blah blah. come to find there maybe a chance that he comes and visits me at the end of this month. so i finally told my girlfriend that knows him, about what have. she too is from argentina, so i had to explain it to her in spanish, which i am fluent, but not enough to explain it this disease, on top of it she just had no idea what it was. so her advice was just to not tell him until maybe it got serious. which who the fuck knows if it will get serious. but before you all get on the defense with that logic, its only because she literally knows nothing about herpes, so she is just talking without facts. i told her i am on valtrex and that with that there is a very minimal chance of passing it on if i don't have an outbreak, blah blah. so she says i just shouldn't tell him, or if i do wait till he gets here first.

obviously not telling him is not an option, thats not who i am. BUT i don't know if i should tell him before he even comes here, or if i should let him come out here, hang out with him, then explain it all very casually, without causing panic. i know the logic, if he is the right guy, it''ll be fine. but i am scared, have never done this before. does anyone know the statistics in argentina? is anyone here a latin man that knows how a typical man would react? any latin women that can help me out? i say latin only b/c if you are latin, you know the vast differences in characteristics and culture.

any advice? should i tell him before he even gets here? or should i wait till he gets here, and let him decide then? will i be "trapping" him? i mean sex is inevitable, we have been havig our fun little versions of cyber sex, but i am just scared. so scared.

Answer:
Well, you have yourself quite a dilemma here. I'm not Latin, and I'm not well versed on the differences between the two cultures, so take this with a BIG grain of salt, okay? I had two gut instincts when I read your post, though, for what it's worth.

It doesn't seem to me that not telling him beforehand is tantamount to trying to 'trap' him. It tells me that you see herpes as an issue that has to be acknowledged and dealt with honestly, but not one that should make or break a relationship. That's a healthy attitude to have. I'm assuming your relationship has developed on many levels, and he's not travelling all the way from Agentina for a piece of ass. That would be ludicrous. Having said that, I would hope that once he meets you and gets to know you in person, the herpes issue would be less important than his relationship with you, if it turns out that you are compatible in other ways. Maybe I'm old fashioned, but to start talking about that prior to his arrival would indicate that jumping into bed with him was your prime reason for wanting him to come in the first place. It isn't, is it?

The other thought I had was that, if your girlfriend couldn't understand what you were trying to tell her, there's a chance he wouldn't either, which would be so confusing to everyone. Maybe some things just don't translate well. Besides, some discussions just warrant face-to-face interaction, and I think this is one of them.

This is really something you'll have to decide on your own, though. You know him, and after talking to him for a couple months, you should have some idea of his views on certain things. If you're unsure, try to bring the subject up in a general way and see what his reaction is. That should give you a pretty good indication. Good luck.

Answer:
I agree with writercll. I think all relationships should be given their fair chance to develop naturally, despite the circumstances. They should not be rush or fastforwarded. That means then that info you would with hold for a while need not be divulged before it's right time. He is coming to met you, to get to know you. Enjoy that. At the end of the visit you'll know how fantastic the relationship is or isn't. Anyway lucky you those south Americans are gorgeous.... I remember dancing all night with one oh yes those were the days, before the children and keeping house began. Good luckand listen to your gut.

Writtercll how old are you anyway?