Question:
Hi all! I've had HSV-2 since June of 2005. I've learned plenty in that time, especially about how to take care of my body, and about "safe" sex --- and I'm now out break free 7 months & counting! All that being said...

I met an amazing guy on the fourth of July. We made out a little that night, it was very sweet. We went on dates (a couple a week), fooled around here & there --- but I had strict boundaries that I kept to: No intercourse, & No going down on me (I still gave him head). He would ask if we could sleep together, but understood when I told him, "I just can't."

On the morning of the 21st we were fooling around and he tried to go down on me again. I stopped him before he got there and said that I had to tell him something. I know it goes against all those suggestions that you shouldn't talk about it while in bed, blah, blah, blah. But the noise in my head was so loud and I couldn't take it anymore. I felt like I was lying to him about who I am, and that was the last thing I wanted. So I told him. I kept the details of how I got it to a minimum, (just said I had an ex that cheated on me, which is true, I just tried not to express my incredible hurt over it). He looked at me, so concerned, gave me a big hug & Kiss and held me close. We didn't have time to talk about it very long that morning, I had somewhere to get to. He asked me to come over the very next night.

I wasn't sure if he was asking me over as a friend or more; in light of the new info I gave him. I slept over that night and we fooled around; only this time he was adhearing to my boundaries without me haing to enforce them. So it's been like this ever since... we date, go out, do fun things, I sleep over at his place now & then. We don't have sex, and he doesn't go down on me. About a week ago I asked him if he had any questions he wanted to ask me about it or anything. He said not really, but that he had been doing research on it. He's truly being great, I couldn't have asked for a better response (I think it's actually a little bit of a red flag if someone's totally okay with it right away, if they've never dealt with it before). He's still very affectionate with me, expresses genuine interest in spending time with me; and although we don't have sex --- he's able to REALLY satisfy with his hands alone (he has long, dextrous fingers!), and I give a prety mean Bj, so we're doing alright; but......

It's been almost a month since I told him, and I still feel really uncertain about his feelings on this. I think a month is acceptable, I even think two months is just fine; but I think that if he doesn't accept it after three months, then he probably never will, and perhaps it'll just be better for me to walk away from it at that point. Please share your thoughts on this time frame. Oh, and I might as well mention that I'm 28 and he's 27.

I feel like I'm in an emotional holding pattern. I can't let myself get into this person because a large part of me feels like I'm about to be dumped for my disease any second.

Answer:
We never really know how a new relationship will go for sure in the begining, hsv or no hsv. It sounds like he's a sweet guy...I liked the fact he did his own homework on the subject. Try to keep patient, you guys seem to be building a good foundation for your friendship...that's priceless even if you decide to just be friends.

Best of Luck ;)

Answer:
Yeah, you're right --- I guess I'm just as "beginning-jittery" as before HSV, I guess it's more about really liking someone new. And I agree with you; I've thought from the beginning that even if things didn't work out romantically, that we could still be great friends --- he really does seem to be that kind of guy. Thanks again!

Answer:
Just ask him what he is thinking... I did that recently with the guy I am dating... I told him on our 2nd date that I have HSV... and he was cool about it... we still waited a while to have sex.... and now that we have been having sex for a bit... I decided to ask him what he thought or if he even thought about it... and he said he does... but he thinks more about me... and how he feels about me... this made me sigh with relief... he is aware that he can get it no matter how safe we try to be.... but he says it is worth the risk... I was glad I talked to him... and followed up... because I worry that he forgot about something that is always on my mind...

Answer:
We talked a bit about it last night; and I realized that although he's done some research, he still feels lost about it. So I'm going to round up some useful info, thinking about going to the bookstore as well and seeing if there's anything good there, (it might be worth it for myself as well), and scheduling some serious pow-wow time.

If anybody has good reputable sites with partner info, please share. Thank you all!

Wish me luck!

Answer:
along with this site...

I really recommend downloading The Herpes Handbook (available as a Word document or a .pdf). It's up to date, gives transmission statistics, talks about shedding, and even gives tips on the emotional aspects of herpes.

Good luck and hope it works out!

Answer:
Thank you, thiscantbe. I'll definitely download it!

PS~ I went to Borders and found only one book on Herpes. It was an outdated copy of Dr. Ruth's book. Just a head's up to anyone looking for a book on it --- don't bother with the bookstore, use the online route. Probably way less embarassing too.

Answer:
If he has continued to see you then ovbiously he accepts it to some degree. It sounds to me like what my boyfriend did. He continued to see me and act the same way around me but never really wanted to tlak about it. I finaly realized now that he knows its best if we dont talk about it. Good luck!