Question:
Hi, I am new to this site, i have had my HSV 2 outbreak about 10 mths ago (doctor said it was herpes though I never did a blood test) with one or two minor OBs since but i dont remember the last one. I met a guy recently i'd like to continue seeing, he's said that he's potentially interested too.

we've had 2 dates and yesterday (our 2nd date at his place) we had sex twice without a condom. I never planned for sex to happen on this occassion, as I mentally told myself i didnt want it to happen, I wanted to just kiss, if anything.

he started kissing me first and one thing led to another, I did say i wasnt ready for sex when he suggested it but in the end we ended up doing it, twice, and now i am kicking myself for not suggesting to him to get a condom, (tho he did withdraw when he came).

I have been in a huge predicament since i left his apartment, about how to tell him about my condition, how to phrase it properly, how to tell him in a calm factual manner, how to explain why i didnt do it before, ( I really wanted to do say it at a more appropriate time, and I didnt know whether we'd still be going out after our 2nd date in the first place)

I am not sure how high a chance he has of getting affected given i didnt have an OB. and prior to that, my 3 sex partners before him after my first OB, have not contracted it since.

and since yesterday, he's not texted or called me as well. I understand he may be busy. I really also dont want to be the first to contact him. but i was certainly planning to tell him my condition the next time we met/spoke but i really just donno how to. pls help!

Answer:
well,..... put yourself in his shoes.... most of us got this from someone who didn't think they needed to tell us before having sex... so expect him to be pissed.... but you need to tell him as soon as possible... and not play the I can't call him until he calls me game... if you can get naked with someone you should be able to call him...

as for the no condom thing.... please... just because you have herpes... doesn't mean you don't need to protect yourself from other disease...

Answer:
well you know the whole moral speech about not telling but Im not even going to get into that. Herpes aside, if he doesnt call you, he's not interested and in the end he only wanted casual sex and thats what he basically got. If he gets it, he gets it ya know........if not then Im glad for him. But he is not being careful with his sexual health at all. You are to blame for not telling, but there is some accountability on his part for not being responsible for his own health as well. Id get tested for other stds, because you had casual sex with a man you went on 2 dates with and he could very well have herpes, or something else of his own and just didnt say anything as well. If he's one to just jump into bed with random women after only 2 dates then Im willing to bet you are not the first for him to have done so with in the same type of situation.....sounds like he was truly only after one thing and now he got it and perhaps is not interested in anything longer term anyway......thats what it seems to me....but if he does call and you truly want to give it a shot then try and tell him. But dont be surprised if he freaks out......you did lie by not disclosing and he might feel betrayed, but more so I have a feeling he will be more angry that his casual sex life might now be jeapordized because of you.

Answer:
well you know the whole moral speech about not telling but Im not even going to get into that. Herpes aside, if he doesnt call you, he's not interested and in the end he only wanted casual sex and thats what he basically got. If he gets it, he gets it ya know........if not then Im glad for him. But he is not being careful with his sexual health at all. You are to blame for not telling, but there is some accountability on his part for not being responsible for his own health as well. Id get tested for other stds, because you had casual sex with a man you went on 2 dates with and he could very well have herpes, or something else of his own and just didnt say anything as well. If he's one to just jump into bed with random women after only 2 dates then Im willing to bet you are not the first for him to have done so with in the same type of situation.....sounds like he was truly only after one thing and now he got it and perhaps is not interested in anything longer term anyway......thats what it seems to me....but if he does call and you truly want to give it a shot then try and tell him. But dont be surprised if he freaks out......you did lie by not disclosing and he might feel betrayed, but more so I have a feeling he will be more angry that his casual sex life might now be jeapordized because of you. He made the same mistake many of us have made--we trusted the wrong person. Now, while some of us may have heard "no, I'm clean" and others were lied to by omission, doesn't make this any worse.

This is the third post I've read about irresponsible sexual behavior today and I'm getting more riled up every time.

He is accountable, but she should've told him. Period.

Answer:
you have to tell him. just do it. It won't get any easier the longer you wait. I wish the person i contracted it from would have told me before we slept together... and if not then, sometime shortly after. It would have sucked, but ultimately it would have prevented me from finding out when I had an outbreak after I started seeing my current boyfriend.

Treat him the way you would like to be treated. You would want to know.

oh, and seriously... the unprotected sex that is goin on has got to stop. HSV or not. It's crazy! Take control of your own business! As someone who historically failed in this capacity, I can assure you that sex with a condom and no STDs and/or babies feels a heck of a lot better than sex without one. (sorry, ya'll I just gave this speech to my younger brother... still on my soap box)

Answer:
The truly scary thing is that people who don't use condoms - DON'T USE CONDOMS.

You aren't the first. You will probably not be the last.

He could have something far worse than herpes and you missed the opportunity to find out about his sexual habits by not disclosing your own issue.

Everytime a woman says "this isn't a good time" or "we should wait" guys probably think we are trying to be "demure" or "play hard to get" not that there is an "actual reason" why we should not have sex right then.

I think many people make this exact mistake and we aren't properly identifying the problem when we say one person trusted the wrong person. I'd say both parties trusted when they should have asked.