Question:
So, I just got off the phone with the greatest guy that i've had a crush on for well over a year. He always had a long time girl friend until about 3 mos ago and the last 3mos we've seen alot of each other ...usually w/other people but it was kinda obvious that we were attracted to each other. Well, last Thursday he asked what i would say if he asked me on a date and i said I would say yes although reluctant because do i want to have the herpes talk with this guy. do i know him well enough to guess his reaction and because we have the same group of friends do i want to risk all of our peeps perhaps finding out about my condition. I wish i didn't care if people knew but i do. I think someday i might get to that pt. but i was just diagnoised in May. So we were haveing a normal conversation on the phone and he asked if I wanted to get together sat in which i'm like yeah ,..sat and then he's like unless you don't feel comfortable of whatever... i said I did feel a little unconfortable but i'd get over it, he's like no, why tell me in which i explained that because we have the same group of friends the same circle of ...community i would feel maybe weird because ..basically because of my stupid fears. he said thats fine, he doesn't want to make me feel uncomfortable ever and then it bye see you thrus (our friends all meet up on thrus). When i hung up i cried and then realized that the real reason i can't date him is because i have herpes and it is due to fear but not about uncomfortable whatevers it was because ...you know i have the junk and don't want everyone in my life to know because i'm if people found out. they'd be watching me ...walk? sit? Is she having an outbreak? You know...I don't want that kind of attention and i'm so paranoid SOMETIMES i couldn't deal. So there - thanks for listening; i had to vent and any feedback or any anything is always welcomed. Wishing you all a life surrounded by love. I'm not feeling mine today, I feel alone with my disease....

Answer:
Your not alone. Its okay to feel scared and not to want your friends to know. I haven't really told anyone about me having it execpt for a handful of people thats basically my family (blood and otherwise) I say go with what you feel. If you want to go hang out with him, do it. It doesn't mean you have to have "the talk" with him that same night that you do hang out one on one. You say you hang out with a group of friends a lot....do you have fun? did you have fun before you were diagnosed? you're still the same person, just a little more cacious (i apoligize for my spelling). I know its hard, but don't let your fear control you. No one has to know if you don't want them to and the only way they will know is if you tell them. Yeah, there are the people who are shallow and won't look at you the same ever again, but there are also people out there who are supportive, even if they don't have it and don't understand everything. Perhaps it would be a good idea to hang out with him and the friends on thursday and if all goes well ask him if he was still up for saturday? It couldn't hurt.... Ultimatly its up to you but either way keep me posted :)

Answer:
I understand your fear but please dont let HSV control your life like that. I dont blame you for not wanting people to know.The only person who knows is my man and thats it.I'm sure you can hang out with the guy and not have to tell him.The only reason you need to him is if sex is on the horizon. Just because you go out with someone doesnt mean you have to tell them about your status.

Answer:
If you've known each other for over a year, and spent a lot of time together over the past three months in the company of others, he must have singled you out because he likes YOU, the person you are. The fact that he waited three months after his break-up tells me that he asked you out because he wants to spend time getting to know you better without the distraction of others around, not that he's looking for someone just to hop into bed with.

If you really want to see him, go for it. If things start to get physical, explain that you don't consider sex a casual thing, and until you're very sure of your feelings for someone, you intend to abstain. He'll respect that if he's any kind of guy. In spite of how they might come on, most guys do respect women who aren't willing to give it up to every guy who comes along. It shows that you respect yourself, and, in turn, are worthy of respect from them.

As for 'the talk', at some point you'll have to have it if the relationship develops, but by that point, you'll know better what kind of guy he is. If you feel you can't trust him with the information, then he's not the guy you thought he was, and you can walk away knowing you didn't waste your time or risk having the information spread among the group you hang out with. But if he is as great as you think he is, chances are, he'll accept it and move on with you in the relationship.

You're the only one who can decide what you want and what you're willing to risk. But follow your instincts, not your fears.

Answer:
I think you should def. change your mind and out with him. He did not ask you to have sex, he asked you on a date. There is no reason why you should say no, and no reason why you have to reveal your condition on a first date. As stated in prior posts, do not let herpes run your life. I understand the fears and the possibility of people finding out, especially in a circle of friends, but you are not at that stage yet, so I say go for it, the date that is!

Answer:
For all you know hes probabaly got it too

Answer:
Thank you ssooooo much for the support. I saw him today (at the gym)... I just felt fat I totally forgot about the herpes thing LOL God has such a sense of humor...anyway thank you all so very much!! I truely love you guys! I think I am just going to ask him out alone and continue to flirt my face off with him... now that I told him my fears about dating (even if I left the big h fear out) we can hang out and become better friends. I know the sex thing will be on hold for a long time if i start dating someone but I'm afraid to even kiss. I know this is funked up but ...my fears are my strongest defect ...time does heal alot of wounds and being aware of them and staying connected to you guys will help me come to even better terms with this chronic junk.

Peace & grooviest luvvvvvvvvvvv!!

meme :D

Answer:
Go get em!!!!!

Answer:
meme,
You are so darn cute! I am holding a good thought for you....Go have fun my friend ;)
You deserve love and happiness!




Thank you ssooooo much for the support. I saw him today (at the gym)... I just felt fat I totally forgot about the herpes thing LOL God has such a sense of humor...anyway thank you all so very much!! I truely love you guys! I think I am just going to ask him out alone and continue to flirt my face off with him... now that I told him my fears about dating (even if I left the big h fear out) we can hang out and become better friends. I know the sex thing will be on hold for a long time if i start dating someone but I'm afraid to even kiss. I know this is funked up but ...my fears are my strongest defect ...time does heal alot of wounds and being aware of them and staying connected to you guys will help me come to even better terms with this chronic junk.

Peace & grooviest luvvvvvvvvvvv!!

meme :D