Question:
Hello everyone.

I've had a sexual intercourse with someone who had genital HSV-2. She never told me about it until just 2 days ago. I'm not someone who sleeps around and I have had many rules and disciplines for myself in my life to be as healthy as I can. I guess this time I just trusted her. :(

Now I haven't been testing myself yet but I remember just afew days after the first time I had sex with her without condom, I got a huge itching on my sex organ and it got as red as I don't know what. I'd never felt like that before. I even asked her whether she had any disease but at that time she decided to say no, so I just thought maybe it's sweat from the heat of the summer which made my skin irritated. The itching went away after 1 to 1.5 week but I never got any sores, swelling or pain.

Ofcourse I will be testing myself first thing in monday morning but I still think the indications point at me being infected. I've really been miserable the whole weekend and just don't know what to do. If I'm infected (which I think I am), does this mean that if I marry a healthy woman some day, I am just destined to infect her sooner or later (since I read that sometimes the virus can be active even when you don't have any symptoms)?? Only this idea alone is tearing me apart let alone the idea that if she gets infected, I'll be responsible for her getting forced to go through caesarean operation if/when she's giving birth to my child, in order to not risk, hurting the baby. :cry:

Or do I just have to search for someone who's got HSV-2 to marry?

What do the rest of you do? What's your life like? What have you done? I'd appreciate any help or suggestions you could give me.

Answer:
Hi George ...

I've only just been "unofficially" diagnosed with herpes as well, and I am having the same concerns.

I went from being a very dateable, intelligent woman with a bright future to a 'tainted' soul who will never achieve the dream of marrying, having kids, etc because no-one will have me ... why would they? I'm damaged goods.

But this is not necessarily true. I know a woman with herpes who is now in a happy, healthy monogamous relationship and is about to have her first baby. They are a great couple and have told everyone they met on rsvp, a dating website, but I really think they met on a herpes website. Before she contracted herpes, she was incredibly unhappy and had no stable partner in her life ... when she was diagnosed, she tried to commit suicide, but now, how her life has changed. It may have never happened if she hadn't got herpes.

There is hope. And thinking in a positive way will always help.

I'm new to this too, so I don't know whether you should aim to date a herpes carrier or whether you should still see uninfected people, that is a decision you have to make. But don't be afraid - don't let the stigma attached to herpes control who you are. Just accept it, and this will help other people accept it too.