Question:
Hi there.

I have found the most wonderful man anyone could ever wish to have met. He absolutely adores me and we are able to meet on all levels as best friends and as lovers. I have known this man for four and a half years, back when he was dating my room mate (now married with a child of her own) and we have continued our friendship via email and IM'ing. A couple of months ago he invited me out to Europe where he is now flying planes (he is American) and I went on a holiday for a few weeks. While I was over there both of our wheels were turning at how amazing it was to have reunited after 4.5 years of not seeing eachother! Soon after (during my vacation) we realised that we were going to be more than friends and that this had happened for a reason.

One afternoon after a few red wines and caprese, while sitting on hos patio overlooking the coast of Naples in Italy, he told me that he wanted me to know something before anything was to happen between us. He told me that he had Herpes and felt incredibly ashamed of it. He told me that he believes that it could have been a girl that he had slept with a year or so ago, as he had developed blisters following their encounter. He seemed so embaressed to tell me and very upset about it all. He said that it has been the darkest moment of his life. He didn't seem to know alot about it which concerned me, but I was so impressed tha the was SO honest with me from the outset. Here is a man who, has a very high profile job as a pilot that has taken him to Europe to live, a friend who I knew years ago who dated my room mate and never had this . . . and now he sits before me with a low self esteem and hope.

We were travelling to Spain a week after he had told me. We had not slept together at this stage and I must admit I was quite ignorant to "H" as I have never had to deal with it. While over in Spain, that was when I began to realise how much I respected this man and his integrity with dealing with this situation that had befallen him and changed things for him. My reaction was one of ...okay, well lets get REALLY educated on this. I was looking up web sites and trying to get as much info as I could while on the trip. The first time I did this we sat on the bed together and I had a bunch of stuff I had found out for him. He sobbed as he could not believe that I had taken the initiative to do this. Personally, it was no effort at all, I was just trying to educate both of us on it. The doctor had told him that if he just uses condoms he will be fine..WRONG! WHile it does protect somewhat it is by no means a guarantee. Later, I found out about the different types of medication available that reduces the risk of shedding, but not completely.

After my vacation, I returned home and really thought about things. I realised that I was falling in love with this person and wanted to take a more agressive approach with my "H" research. I continued my research looking online at some really helpful websites including:
www.herpes.org and a bunch of other sites. I then went and spoke to my awesome doctor who I just love and we spoke about it and the potential risks. He suggested that I have a blood test to find out if I have any antibodies to it. ALthough my boyfriend has genital herpes, they tested me for HSV1 and HSV2. WHen the blood tests came back I had antibodies only to HSV1, oral and discovered so too does 80% of the population! If however, I had antibodies to HSV2 Genital, then I would be at much lower risk of contracting it. I think that having a blood test REALLY helps if you are a partner who is with someone who has "H" and you don't as it allows you to find out if you are carrying antibodies (which will help you) OR if you have it..(most people don't even know it)!

SO, equipt with all of this onformation, having had time think about my situation and the potential risks, I have decided to TOTALLY embrace this man with everything I have. He is the most amazing, giving, loving and gentle person I have ever met! He is incredibly intelligent, attractive and compassionate. He keeps telling me how lucky he is....BUT I know that I am the lucky one. Yes, I have had to deal with some of my own ignorance towards "H" and do the 'work' to educate myself on this. If I could recommend anything to anyone in a situation similar to mine....don't let this stupid "Herpes" stigma win. My doctor told me how unfare and 'blown out of proportion' this Herpes stigma is and I tend to believe him. Yes, while there are some risks I look at it like this. It is SO hard to meet someone who meets you on all levels. A person who really connects with you and is attentive to you beyond your wildest imagination. Finding a best friend and a lover is really difficult and I have to say that while I have had some really nice guys cross my path, no one even compares to the way this man makes me feel about myself. I am not going to let "H" take this man into some dark place when he has WAY to much offer and is too incredibly special to let go. If anyone has a similar story of living with someone with H, I would love to hear about it. Thanks and remember that there are people out there who do not have this and will love you...you just have to believe. My boyfriend never gave up on his hopes for a loving girlfriend, a loving marriage and a family. Neither should any of you. God bless.

Answer:
thank you for your post Plumeria!!

There's a lot of people here that really need to hear this...thank you so much for taking the time to post it. :D