Question:
I just told my new girlfriend that I have herpes and she reacted amazingly well; she said such a thing would not deter her from having a relationship with me. She is prepared to deal with it and accept the realities.

We now have to deal with ensuring I do not pass it on to her, but that's something we can manage.

Before I told her all this I looked at this site and took to heart the advice : "be confident". If you have a real shot at a great relationship then the issue of herpes will not be a deal breaker. Anyone who would walk away is not worth crying over.

If anyone has good advice on how NOT to pass it on to your partner, I'm all ears.

Answer:
I think everyone pretty much agrees on no sex during outbreaks and taking the meds i.e. Valtrex which is supposed to reduce the amount of shedding you have. The less the disease sheds the better you'll be able to protect her. However, at the end of the day, nothing is fool proof. So it's pretty amazing that she is willing to take this chance.

Answer:
I certainly agree with the no sex during outbreaks advice, but i'm not whole-hog on the Valtrex. It's not something i plan to deal with, although i know a lot of people do take it to reduce their viral shedding.

Another important thing you can do is encourage her to wash immediately after sex with soap and water. The virus doesn't stand up well to soap (nothing fancy, just regular soap), so washing goes a long way toward protecting her.

Keep in mind it's easier for the virus to be transmitted from a guy to a girl (we have a much larger membrane area, and small cuts are almost impossible to see.), but condoms and washing and avoiding sex during outbreaks has worked amazingly well for some couples for years.

Best of luck! Congrats on finding someone who is willing to stick around. You might consider having her checked before you become intimate, because there's a 70% chance she has HSV-1 (with or without ever having symptoms) which will further decrease her chances of contracting HSV-2 from you.

Answer:
Another important thing you can do is encourage her to wash immediately after sex with soap and water. The virus doesn't stand up well to soap (nothing fancy, just regular soap), so washing goes a long way toward protecting her.

Hi Catiesmon,

I have a question for you, what's the time frame for this? Does the shower thing only work 20 minutes after the start of intercourse? What if you're having a particularly good night and it's a long session :cool:

I know this may be a silly question, but I thoght I'd ask.

Answer:
I'm not exactly sure, but if we think about it logically, i'm sure we can come up with some good answers.

The virus isn't incredibly strong, so if it's still on your skin, the soap should kill it. It enters the body through a mucous membrane or a cut or tear in the skin. If you're dealing with a large mucous membrane (such as the vagina), it probably wouldn't take too terribly long to pass into the body. If you're having vigorous sex, you're probably making microscopic tears in your vagina (i've seen a number of recommendations for TONS of lube from the get-go to reduce that tearing), and it will be easier for the virus to pass in. If you're a male, you have a very small mucous membrane (i guess the tip of the penis is really it), but you're also prone to small cuts during vigorous relations. Add to that any cuts or tears from shaving (either sex), or small breaks in your skin for any reason (pimples, hard scratches, etc), the virus can enter there.

On top of all of that, you'd have to factor in the strength of the other party's immune system. If they've got another virus in their system (cold, flu, etc), if they're close to their period (i know my immune system goes down just prior and during), etc, then they're more likely to allow the virus in. If their immune system is strong and there's nothing taxing it, they may be able to keep it at bay a bit longer (keep in mind this is not scientific as i'm not a scientist, but hopefully common sense).

Therefore, i really don't know that there's a "time frame" in which to avoid getting the virus by washing. And i certainly don't think washing after sex is fool-proof! However, it's all the little things we do to protect our partner (lube, condoms, not having sex when we're run down or having OB symptoms, washing our hands, washing our nether parts, etc) that all add up to a better chance of not passing the virus on.

Does that answer your question?