Question:
I am a non-infected friend of a fantastic woman who happens to be HSV-2 positive. I only learned this during the past week, after having known this person for nearly two years as an acquaintance and friend. In telling this story from the other side of the situation, I hope to help reaffirm her decision to tell me and bolster the hopes of those who are infected with this emotionally trying virus.

We had known each other through mutual friends at the gym we frequent. I knew her from around the time her first relationship ended, through the end of her second relationship and into the present. We began working out together shortly after her second relationship ended and had begun hanging out during the past few months, going on "dates" a couple of times while still routinely seeing each other at the gym. We had a fantastic time together, regardless of the venue, but it seemed that she was not interested in being anything more than friends, so I reluctantly resolved myself to leaving it alone and moving on. I was compelled to admit to her that I had hoped for more and that I thought she was a fantastic individual. In the course of our conversations, I revealed my past to her in an effort to explain some of my sometimes strange behaviors. I was sexualized early in my childhood and have since had a very hard time lowering my guard or being physically connected to other people. I thought this may have been part of what was affecting her perceptions of me and did not want any misunderstandings, i.e. her thinking that I was not attracted to her. Our contact became more sporadic and things seemed to be whithering away. I had actually gotten to the point of "moving on" when we had a long conversation about relationships that culminated in her telling me about her infection. I was absolutely floored. It was as if someone had sucked all the air out of my lungs. I had known this girl for years at this point. I knew as fact that she had only ever been with two men, the first when she was 20 years old. I perceived her as someone who had made good decisions and it never, ever occured to me that she could be infected with anything like a STD. Her revalation completely blindsided me. To find out that she was infected during her first sexual encounter ever broke my heart completely. To find out that her boyfriend knew he was positive, did not tell her and had unprotected sex with her anyway, infuriated me. She was, of course, emotionally devastated, but began educating herself on the matter. She immediately started seeing her physician and OGBYN regularly, all the while staying with a man who was neither especially supportive nor remorseful for what he had done. She felt trapped, as he was the only person on Earth who knew, so she did not feel that she had anywhere else to turn. Hearing all of this angered me, but also filled me with an incredible respect for her integrity and bravery. We were not in anyway close to starting a sexual relationship, yet she felt the need to tell me and trusted me with this information. It has been a remarkable few days for me, believe me.

Hers is one of the most saddening stories of anyone I have ever known personally. This woman is young, beautiful, intelligent, incredibly fun and wonderful in every way imaginable. To hear about something like this happening to her destroyed me. I knew enough about the virus to know how it is spread, it's short-term and long-term ramifications, risks, etc, but I was crestfallen by her story. It was not her being infected that had such a profound effect on me as it was how she became infected. I felt as if this man had taken something away no one could give back and given her something that no one can ever take away. It is akin to rape in my mind. Despite all of this, she is still a happy, attractive, wonderful person. If anything, finding out about her infection and factoring that into the larger context of her life has given me a new level of respect for her. She is still happy, still positive and highly optimistic about her future. She has not relinquished any of her goals and sees the virus as completely manageable. Her second boyfriend was not infected after 10 months in their relationship, primarily because she educated herself and demanded that he likewise gather information on the matter. All of this speaks volumes to her strength and emotional fortitude and I have made her aware of this over the past two or three days.

As someone with some heavy emotional baggage of my own, I can appreciate how hard things of this nature can be to deal with. I barely survived my teenage years and only really started dealing with my issues, none of which have physical expressions, in the past few years. Now in my late-20s, I marvel at a woman who was able to take on something like this, accept it and deal with the problem so assertively. It is not a death sentence and has essentially become a very minor nuisance for her at this stage of her life. We are now very close friends and are so comfortable with the subject that we already joke around about the issue. Whether or not we will ever be in a serious relationship is still very much up in the air for me, as I have some baggage of my own playing with my ability to reason on the matter, but if nothing else I feel as if I have made a lifelong friend with whom I could discuss anything.

In summary, being diagnosed with Herpes is not a death sentence. It does not have to be the end of your life. It is something that has to be addressed, but it is not impossible to find understanding people amongst "the rest of us". I respect this woman more than ever after having learned about her diagnosis. It is not something someone has to be ashamed of and I am happy that she felt she could tell me her story and trust me with this information. It's deepened our friendship immensely, which cannot ever be a bad thing.

Thanks for reading. :)

Answer:
welcome AFriend!

thanks for your post... it's always nice to read a supportive story, it gives strength to those that are afraid of "the talk".
it's wonderful that this has strengthened your friendship in such a deep and profound way. Good luck to both of you!