Question:
Ok, so I told the guy I was seeing that I have gh. He handled it well and everything but said he needed time to think.

It's been a week (which maybe isn't very long) and I have heard from him once in that time and he wanted info, which I gave.

When do I give up? I don't believe he is blowing me off (he said he would tell me in person of his decision) but the not knowing if he is afraid to hurt my feelings, still thinking or possibly blowing me off is driving me mad.

I am mentally drained...and I am sure he is too.

I know everyone is different but when do I give up the good fight (so to speak)? I don't want to call him because I don't want to pressure him.

Anyone have any ideas? Do I just move on? Wait indefinitely (not)? What say you, oh wise people...any advice?

Answer:
Don't take it personally. If he doesn't call, he's rejecting your herpes not you. Unfortunately you and herpes are stuck with each other for the forseeable future.

And, the fact that you told him before exposing him (I assume) says a lot more about you than the herpes does.

And don't put yourself below him like you are waiting for him to accept you. He might have herpes and not even know it, and he'll likely end up with herpes at some point in life. If he doesn't call back, don't blame him, just move on and don't be bitter or "damaged goods".

Take control of your herpes or it will take control of you.

(Did you expose him before telling him?)

Answer:
No, I did not expose him before telling him...no way.

I do know if he decides this isn't for him that he isn't rejecting me personally but it doesn't make the waiting any easier. He said he had enormous respect for me bc I told him and said I deserve the same respect (meaning he would tell me personally of his decision). I believe he meant it sincerely.

I am also trying hard to remember that it took him two weeks of daily phone calls before he finally worked up the nerve to ask me out and that this is more serious than asking someone out for dinner.

I think we both really feel a lot for each other and I need to chill. Sigh. Part of me can't stand the waiting anymore and wants to make the call to say "forget it". But I can't bring myself to do it and I won't.

He needs time and I respect that but it really is tough to wait it out. I miss talking to him. A friend of mine thinks he can't talk to me right now bc it would be a distraction. Who knows what is going through his mind.

I have to remember what attracted me in the first place and that is his gentle way. I do not believe he is blowing me off, it just isn't in his nature. I also need to remember that I have had 14 years to get used to the idea and he has had a week.

And you are right...he may have it and not even know it. I didn't say that to him directly but did tell him that just bc no one has ever said "I have gh" to him before could mean I was the only one *to* tell him.

Answer:
Well, nothing puts things into perspective more than time.

Good on you for being up front.

Answer:
Hey there KT. I just wanted to let you know that I had a similar situation happen to me just this past week. I have had HSV2 for about 4 years now, but have never had any outbreaks. Regardless, I still tell any of the men I date/have relations with, as I'm well aware pf the risk of viral shedding.

I went out with a guy who I'd been talking to online and the phone for a bit. The connection was already intense before we met. And upon meeting.... wow. Here was a guy who'd I'd been looking for for YEARS. I am probably the fussiest person in the world about who I'll date, and this guy was pretty damn amazing.

Long story short, I ended up tellin him that night about le herp. Stupid of me, but it kinda happened by accident. Well, he seemed fine with it (he said herpes scared him more than HIV, because he knows nothing about it), just a little quiet. The next day though, I asked him if he had a good time, etc. And then asked him if the herpes scared him off. His answer (which I have sadly memorized) was, "Unfortunately it did. But that doesnt mean I didn't have a great time with you, and I think you're a really nice guy and great to look at."

Ouch. So, since then I've been depressed as hell lol. Its hard enough to find someone who you connect with... and then factoring in herpes after that? Damn... I'm just about on the verge of giving up hope. I know if he was this shallow to not give it even a remote chance, then hes not that great after all. But after awhile, this starts getting old...

So, let me just say, at least the guy is giving you a chance. Don't let his decision ruin you. Its so easy to let things seem hopeless, but from what it seems you go after guys because they're nice. Keep that up. I've been seeing more and more that good looking guys wont come near someone with an STD cuz it might ruin their game. Morons...

Anyway, keep your head up, and keep yourself busy! I've been bored lately and that just leaves me time to think all sorts of horrible things. Time for me to get another job! lol... so you make sure to keep all your friends around you and maybe try a new hobby. Distracting yourself from the waiting is unfortunately the only way to deal. And if the answer is no, PLEASE try to stay positive. I wanna believe that herpes isnt as life destroying as my mind tells me it is.

Take care!
Scott

Answer:
Thanks Scott...I appreciate your input. I actually heard from the nice guy in question yesterday but we didn't discuss the situation. It was a nice, normal phone call. He actually was worried I wouldn't speak to him bc he hadn't called in a few days (fat chance, buster!).

And no matter what, I refuse to believe I am less of a person for this. It's people like us who help keep "le herp" in check (as best we can anyway).

Until then I remain hopeful for us all!

KT