Question:
"Why is it such a BIG deal?", he asked. I opened my mouth to give a good reason but nothing came out. We were on the phone so he couldn't see the "duhhh" expression on my face or know that I had thrown both of my hands up in the air like "what do you meannnn?!" Finally, I just said "I don't know! Because it issssssssssss!" He replies, "OK, but why?" I finally shrugged and said "The stigma". He said "OK?" and kind of laughed at me.

This is the man that I will most likely marry. For reasons such as that conversation. He puts things in perspective when I'm too blinded by my emotions to see. I wanted to share a snidbit of this conversation with you all because he posed a question that although so simple, couldn't be answered by me. I felt like I should be able to answer it with a long soliliquy and a damn good reason because (as with many of us here, I'm sure), I've allowed this illness to consume so much of my thought and I've obsessed over it and in the beginning, I allowed it to make me feel like life was over. But when asked "Why" I've allowed it make me feel this way, or what the big deal is about it, I couldn't give a good answer.

Not to knock the emotional severity of this illness. Not to say that it isn't a big deal but he's helping me to see that it's only a big deal if I (or you) allow it to be. I feel like in a sense, I've been giving this illness more power than it deserves by allowing it to take me on this emotional rollercoaster and drag me through the mud.

He also proceeded to remind me that no one but an ignorant person would allow something like this to come in between loving someone because it's only an annoyance and the rest is emotional. I hope that you all take a piece of this with you and when you feel discouraged and think that no one untainted or "good" will want you anymore, remember that it's only as big as you allow it to be. I do believe that it's true that only someone that is ignorant will walk away from you (if everything else is well with you) but let's help those that are in the dark really see. Helping to educate each other may prohibit the statistics from increasing and stop this illness from spreading.

But first, really, ask yourself why you've allowed it to be such a big deal. And please, have a better answer than I did..."Because it issssss!"

;)

pendulum

Answer:
I've been trying lately to assert that same thing here but people are sensitive and one must be careful to not step on toes.

If I told you that one day you'd meet someone and you'd get a rash from them and that rash would be painful and last a week but you'd never have one again would you alter your life so completely to avoid that one rash that you'd give up the chance to be with the love of your life. A reasonable person with half a brain would say no way.

For most people this is what genital herps is to them. A rash that lasts a week and that's it.

Answer:
I agree. I am able to do that and try to talk that way to people when I don't have an OB, but when I get one I get emotional and werid the first two days then I can be that strong person again. After 4 years I am still working on the strong part.

Answer:
Wow that last post really struck me. How we can be pretty damn strong and positive about our lives until the outbreak appears and that week or so is a whirlwind of feelings and challenges. I wanna know... where are the people like me that are walking funny cause they have an ob?

I too met and married a great guy, about 18 years into having gh. He was so understanding and did not make a big deal when I told him what I have. Thank goodness there are some good ones out there!! As an aside, he had surgery today to correct a duct problem. Yes folks... surgery on his scrotum. I have an ob this week. So the two of us make quite the comical pair hobblying about like we have the proverbial stick up .....

Anyway, if we can't see the comical side... we're in trouble here!

Answer:
Great mental picture. It's so nice you can laugh at yourselves. :)