Question:
I have been seeing a girl for a little over two months now and we have had sex without a condom. Prior to the relationship I got tested and the clinic told me that if I don't hear from them in two weeks "no news is good news." I'm sure we've all been in this situation. Well after three weeks nothing was heard. So we continued to have sex without use of condoms the most recent time I noticed an acute pain, one where I didn't want to feel one. When I checked it wasn't anything pleasant that I wanted to see. She wanted to have sex again and I denied with some lame excuse. I immediately called the clinic the next day only to find out that I had tested positive for HSV-2. I almost threw up in my car. I won't get into details as to why they didn't call, I've already raised enough hell about that. We don't live in the same city and I realize I need to tell her about my results. How does one go about telling their partner? I'm afraid I'll lose her, more afraid I've done something that I had no intentions of doing. Is it best to do in person? I feel that it would be and I'm willing to drive the distance. Any help on this matter is welcomed.

Answer:
Everything will be fine as long as you are 100% honest with her and yourself. Tell her in person. Drive to see her. Tell her you drove all this way because you have to tell her something that you are upset about and she has a right to know. I commend you for coming on here and getting advice for this!

And, she may not have gotten this. You won't be sure of that until she is tested. I think things will be ok. If I were in her shoes, and I truely cared for you, I would understand...this could happen to anyone.

Just curious. What made you get tested in the first place?

Answer:
I was generally curious. I wanted to start a relationship with this girl. I'm just upset with myself for not being safer with her prior to hearing my news. Thanks for the response I appreciate what you had to say.

Answer:
I had a similar experience and told my guy right away and at first he was very upset and within a week came to me and asked for us to work this out because he couldn't lose me.

It's now many months later and we are still together.

Answer:
Is it possible that she could have given it to you? Not sure what your relationship was like before getting tested, but it might soften the blow a bit... well, for you anyway.

I just can't believe the doctors didn't tell you! What, they didn't think you'd need to know? UGH!

Answer:
You know i went to Planned Parenthood....and I'm not sure if they really stay on top of things quite like I would like them to (thats f*ckin' obvious!). Either way, I've known her longer than I've been with her, and we have a lot of the same friends. It's impossible not to talk to someone, am I just going to have to face the fact that my friends are going to find out eventually? That's just something I have to live with.

Everyone on this web-site is quite cool, I never imagined how much a little support from people going through the same experience would help. I appreciate all the response.

Answer:
We know how much a response or two can help. We've all been there, and it works beautifully, i think.

Do you really think she'd tell anyone? If she has it or thinks she has it, chances are she'd tell maybe 1 best friend (as girls are wont to do). Hopefully someone she trusts enough who won't tell anyone else. Chances are she won't mention it to just everyone unless she tests negative. And then... well, there's no telling who she could tell since she's negative, unfortunately. If she's worth a shit, she'd respect your privacy and refrain from telling anyone, but you can't count on that.

And about your friends finding out. Yes, there are lots of small-minded people out there, but if your friends aren't planning to sleep with you, it's not like they can possibly catch it from you. If they know.... really, how bad would that be? They'd be less likely to tell STD jokes, they'd be more likely help you out when you're stuck for a "no, i won't go home with you" excuse, and it could be an opportunity to educate them and keep them from getting the same thing. Who knows - if you convince them all to get tested for HSV, you might find you have some company.

Just trying to look at the silver lining i guess. I think you have to tell her, because she's been exposed (although you didn't know it, so hopefully she won't get upset with you), because it's her health that's at risk now.

Good luck. Let us know what you do and how it goes.

Answer:
Yeah I've got way too much to live for and way too much living to do to let this get me down. I mean my poor sister has Multiple Sclerosis and I never hear her complain. She's such a strong person and I admire her deeply for that.

As far as telling my gf it will be a while until I can get up there to see her. I'll have to keep playing everything as if we're still on course for the time being. She's a great girl I seriously doubt she'll just go gabbing about the town about the news. Her roommate has oral herpes. And it's her best friend. I'm sure she will be her support. I sincerely hope I didn't give that sweet girl anything.